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Having a hard time!

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#1 Aug 22 - 2PM
RenewD
RenewD's picture

Having a hard time!

Right now, as I type this, my ex is getting married on the other side of the country. I'm trying really hard to keep my mind away from that thought, and to remember why he's my ex, but, I've been struggling with it all day...and finding myself fighting back the tears.

I don't know if I'm more sorry for his bride...or myself and what I've been through and lost because of him. Even though I have the promise of a good future right now, it just makes me so sad the years that were wasted on him. I don't know if I'm afraid it won't work out for them, or if I'm afraid it will.

After all I've been through to get away and get over him, I didn't think I'd feel this way on this day. (And that they picked the anniversary of our divorce being final as the day they chose to get married...hurts even more)

I just needed to vent, thanks for reading. I can't really talk to anyone else about this, and I know you guys can relate better than anyone else would anyway....

~D~

Aug 25 - 5PM
grossot
grossot's picture

I'm sorry. I must have

I'm sorry. I must have missed this when you were writing it. I hope you are still celebrating you deliverance from this thing you were married to. I'm so happy that you have a promising future. Every year with him was meant to make you strong. And now you are. But you obviously have compassion for others. I know what you mean about not wanting anyone else to get hurt but its high time you see and take care of you. Other people are able to take care of themselves. His bride will be calling you in about 3 years. Then do what you feel is appropriate at that time. For now, enjoy your new life! nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

Aug 22 - 3PM
neveragain
neveragain's picture

RenewD

I'd say that your emotional response is completely NORMAL. I think that grieving what Should Have Been is the hardest thing to go through. He was Pretending and you now know the truth about what kind of man he is. He won't be any different with his new wife. You may know that intellectually but emotionally, it's very hard to let go. We all grieve the dream of what we thought we had. We all fell hard for a cardboard cutout of a man who appeared to be someone they aren't. They are SUCH good actors! You are going through the very normal grieving process and it's hard. But now you are free to go and live a good life. You can do whatever you want now without having to cater to him. Rebuilding our lives can be a very difficult thing because we are all so devastated. However, through learning, reading and writing about this Narcissism THING, we can do it. Hang in there and know you are not alone! neveragain
Aug 22 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
RenewD
RenewD's picture

Neveragain

Thank you. You're right, it IS the DREAM I'm grieving and not the man. I'll get through it. I need to find a way to stop imagining the celebration that's taking place right now. Kind of wishing I had some traquilizers. :-P
Aug 22 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
suzanne
suzanne's picture

Hang in there, I agree, this

Hang in there, I agree, this is normal. I would go for a walk and rent a funny movie, grab a pizza and a beer!! OKAY...bride wars was a good movie, THAT would be great therapy! PRAYERS AND HUGS! You need to smile and laugh tonight, SERIOUSLY GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT, YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Aug 22 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
RenewD
RenewD's picture

bride wars!

Actually, my fiancee just came home with a bunch of movies! He's awesome, I feel so bad that he has to deal with this crap with me. But, he didn't bring Bride Wars, that sounds awesome. I should probably go get that one to watch myself... And I will make it my best effort to have some fun tonight. I SHOULD be celebrating myself...and not letting this bother me. I will celebrate that he's no longer my problem. Thanks Suzanne! (Oh. And I have a glass of wine. Maybe three. :-D Gonna love on my boys here and get my mind off this. You guys are all so awesome!)
Aug 22 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

RenewD

Just remember - all the satisfaction you'll feel when his mask comes off with her! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Aug 22 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
RenewD
RenewD's picture

mask

Very true Barbara.... I just would hate to see anyone get hurt the way I did... I think...a part of me thinks its possible he COULD be different now and that this time around for him...there is no mask to come off. I know thats not true, I just fear it.
Aug 22 - 8PM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

pretend-guy

come on RenewD - why are you doing that to yourself? he picked someone FAR away so she couldn't see his daily behavior over the long term. And someone SUPER needy. Let's take bets - I give it 2 - 3 years. The bad thing is so many victims are so embarrassed they never admit to the prior wife/ GF that they were right. Also the N tends to make the ex the "villian" so the new prey blames them... and then is too embarrassed later to admit they were wrong. Pathology IS THE INABILITY TO CHANGE OR GROW. And he's got it. Right now he's Pretend Guy with her. And the clock just started ticking. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck