Having a down day

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#1 Jul 7 - 9AM

dabussard

Having a down day

I am having one of those days, when all I can think about is him. I miss him so damn much that it hurts. Why can't I get him out of my head???

I know the good times were an illusion. And, that he is just a jacknut with no feelings... But, I miss him terribly...

Until today, I have been doing wonderful.. Been riding horses and went to my first barrel racing competition last weekend. Placed in both go rounds, won money and made the finals...My horses are my sanity right now... I thank god everyday for them...

I will not contact him no matter what. I just can't...It will hurt too much... It will just make it worse. I just pray that when he contacts me or we run into each other... That I can remain strong. Cause, when I see him or hear from him I go weak in the knees and lose all logic.

But, it pisses me off that he thinks that he can disappear from my life and then just pop up like nothing has happened... And that everything is on his terms... Damn him anyway... I will be glad when the day comes that he is just a distant memory...

Thanks for letting me vent!

WHO NEEDS MEN WHEN THERE ARE HORSES!!! LOL

#2 Jul 7 - 1PM

Geya

I get it

I understand where you're coming from, I too had a few moments like these, we're just not 100% used to being by ourself, and being whole without someone else, it takes time and practice and again time.. It all will be good and it will all pay off , just need some patience distractions and maybe a good cry by the end of the day, stay strong xx

#3 Jul 7 - 12PM

BadaBing

@DA

I just wanted to write and tell you I feel your pain and it hurts so much. Friend just asked me if I had prepared to run into him again and I have'nt but I need to put more work in to anticipating his appearances and how I will handle the surprise in the future. I am looking forward to the next 2 months and some peace!

#4 Jul 7 - 10AM

Hunter

Your day of freedom will

Your day of freedom will come! Stay the course! You miss him because you want to share you accomplishments with him! He would never congratulate you the way you hope anyway! Good Job BTW! Yes, your horses have more love than he does in his toe nail! Hunter Rock On!

#5 Jul 7 - 1PM (Reply to #8)

dabussard

Hunter

Hunter, You are so right! My first competition after 8 months and healing from a broken leg and I end up winning $240.00 and making the finals. This competition was state championships. Best horses and riders in the State. My next big competition is Nationals in October... Best horses and riders in the world... Your comment back to me made me cry... Good tears because: you are so right... I would love to be able to share my accomplishments with him... But, he doesn't care... Cause he is heartless... "Good Job BTW! Yes, your horses have more love than he does in his toe nail!" Hunter, your statement is so right... My horse and I are a team and will he was just a fake that tried to ruin my life... Thank you for your support today!

#6 Jul 7 - 1PM (Reply to #9)

Hunter

I know it's just an animal

I know it's just an animal but that being said, there is still love between human and animal! The relationships we have with our pets are more of an example of love then what these turdscan provide! Hunter Go get the prize! While you are enjoying, what do you think asshaft is doing? yep jerking off! Fun,eh? Hunter

#7 Jul 7 - 2PM (Reply to #10)

dabussard

Hunter

Yes, while I am riding and enjoying one of the best four legged friends a girl can have. He is with OW, other supply. Just wish he was normal!!! Cause we could have been good together! Ugh!! Damn Jacknut anyway!

#8 Jul 7 - 2PM (Reply to #11)

Hunter

Dab

He's not normal, shit happens,life happens! It's up to us to accept this and move on! The light is we can move on, I really with all my heart feel so sad for him and his life! But cancer can't always be cured! I promise in time you will get to indifference! Hunter

#9 Jul 7 - 9AM

dolphingirl

Is it me?

I too am having a down day. I had a dream last night that opened up all kinds of doubt and confusion for me. I wonder, was I making all of this up? Is he really a good guy and like he told me over and over, I took things to a dark place and didn't give him the benefit of the doubt? Am I really crazy and flawed. Is this all me???? I know in my heart it is not, but where are all of these doubts coming from?? I know that I will not hear from him, I told him never to contact me and I don't think he will. I have a position of some authority in our community and I think he is afraid of what I may tell people about him. And I will not ever contact him. I really hate, this confusion, it makes me feel crazy, I don't know how to get out of it, maybe time? any suggestions?

#10 Jul 7 - 10AM (Reply to #5)

Gullable1

Time

Ah dolphin girl, I know your haze. I. Only 2 days narc sober,yet still not ready to promise anyone I would go back for another quick fix. It'd hard to feel bad? Even when what makes us feel good, inevitable feels horrid In the end. My therapist suggested a tip, I'm clinging right not hoping it will work, here goes: write down 3 horrible things the narc did on a piece of paper. Next, write how each made you feel. Be brief. Keep them on your person at all times, if you feel insecure,or tempted, take them out read them. Then, find something to do, occupy your time, knit, cook, run, walk what ever. Idle thinking/time is dangerous for the recovering narcholic. My three? He cheated, 6 known times He destroyed my career I can't change 1&2 Hope this helps.

#11 Jul 7 - 12PM (Reply to #6)

dolphingirl

thanks Gullable1

Thanks it does help, my three he became a psycho-raging maniac when I got pregnant accused me of sleeping around and claimed he could not be the father- he of course was, I was in love with him at the time. Chased and tried to seduce one of my good friends during the same time, did cheat with others Told his family and friends that I was crazy, needy, had a lot of issues and that he felt sorry for me guess I am not so crazy

#12 Jul 7 - 10AM (Reply to #4)

bakingfortherapy

smart dolphin girl...

you are smart, you already know the answers. Alot of us do the answers to our own questions but it still boggles the mind...so we still ask. How to get out of this confusing mess.....yes, time, patience with yourself, understanding, moving forward, knowledge, wisdom, and NC ..which you are doing great at. :)

#13 Jul 7 - 9AM

bakingfortherapy

dabussard...

I could have written your" having a down day post." VERBATIM..a MILLION times! It so so hard to have your soulmate turn out to be terrible N. And W, being the emotional beings that we are, remember the good times and MISS them. I try to remmber the garbage mine put me through. I try to erase him from my memory and dreams. And I try every day ( not successfully) to not mention him to anyone..very hard our lives were very intertwined.... Mine also wanted to do whatever he wanted ( cheat, lie, twist my brain) and I was supposed to be sweet kind and act like it never happened. UGH! "I will be glad when the day comes that he is a distant memoey.." ME TOO..I am soo working on it. PS I am not, and never wanted to be an old cat lady, but my cat, Bad Kitty, saved my life through this mess..... Pets are good! :)

#14 Jul 7 - 9AM

Goldie

Sorry for your bad day

These days are hard but they do offer some more reality checks. Look how much joy you gain from your horses as oppossed to HIM!!! My German Shepherd pup is my joy right now. He is everything and then some that the Narc is NOT. Sweet, loving, funny, unconditional love, real, adorable, and my best friend. It will get better, hang in and congrats on the NC, good for you. God bless, Goldie

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