Having a difficult day

Today is hard for me. I have been in NC for a few days now and I have been busying myself pretty well, but for some reason the weekend is so difficult for me. I just feel...gloomy. Why do all of you say the first week of NC is the worst? I thought about him a lot today and I even tried to make myself think of the bad things. And when I thought of the terrible things, it didn't even matter! This just shows me how low my self esteem has gotten since him. I know he was terrible to me. I know he will never change. I just desperately want to stop missing him so much. I want to be optimistic. I know I hold the key to that happiness, I just have to reach it.

On a more optimistic note, I'm moving on Monday with two amazing roommates, and I begin a new job in 2 weeks. I am trying so hard to get my life together. On the surface I probably seem fine, and it's hard for me to talk to my friends about narcissism because most of them truly do not understand.

Please send some positive/optimistic vibes my way :)