Not This time.. I moved this .. It deserves to stand alone !!
recovery requires a lot of hard work and you have to dig deep. You will not find these answers with the N. I get it! I was once there, too, in that place, where if the N will just say these words or do these things, I will be happy once again--my life will be fixed. I wanted the N to rescue me. I wanted my friends, family and therapist to rescue me until it hit me on the final D and D, that everybody has given me all the support that they can give. It was time for me, MYSELF, to pull ME out of this hellhole.
Here's how I did it:
1) Reading was not enough. Time to put everything I learned into action. I stayed NC, put more blocks to my blocks. I had to change my number 2 times. I stayed off FB, even though he has been removed from my list.
2) Make a goal. No matter how small. My brother told me to go to the gym every day no matter how I feel. He said, "stack up your wins," even if you only run for 15 mins.
3) Made a vow, that I will NEVER, EVER give this N another opportunity to reject me and give him 1 more ounce of my attention/energy. I told myself I know it's going to hurt and I don't care if I cry all day but this N will NEVER, EVER see me sweat over him.
4) Change my routine. Yup, it sounds really small but that's how it helped me build new neural pathways. For example, I used to just lay around in bed after I wake up. One day, I decided, "okay, today, when I wake up I will count from 1 to 3, then jump out of bed and put some laundry." If I wash my face first in the morning, I would change it to brushing my teeth.
These are just some of the stuff I did. Look, I read somewhere that change does not happen in the beginning (really it is when you let go of the N) or at the end. It is in the "in-betweens," no matter how small your actions are. Yes, there will be bad days. Maybe at this time in your recovery, don't think yet so far ahead of the future. Take one day at a time, one foot over the other.
And guess what, another day of NC for you is another win! Keep stacking them up!