great article on cognitive dissonance

this was a great read...it is right on target. i am so tired of the self doubt! i just walk around with my brain spinning on all the things that "could have been". i am so exhausted from this roller coaster...i just want to get off! i do know i am moving forward and sometimes feel better than i have ever felt before...and then something will trigger me into tears and rage! i just wish i could fast forward to next year...a better year!

This is a really good article- thank you for posting. The most painful part for me has been this- the cognitive dissonance and the ongoing battle it wages in my mind as I struggle to make sense of all the contradictions, ambiguity, and inconsistencies. I feel that I am no longer under my N's spell- in that I'm no longer delusional about him and understand that what motivates him is far from in my best interest. And I don't want him anymore, which is a big step forward. But all that said- I still engage in this mind f**k-ery quite often. Despite feeling stronger and less under his influence, I still spend a lot of time and mental energy trying to make sense of things that will never make sense. And according to this article (see some additional excerpts below), that means I'm still not in the clear- he still has too much control over me. That's a very good reality check for me- I still have a lot of work to do. Thanks again for posting! "Cognitive dissonance happens in those cases where there’s an unbridgeable contradiction between a dire reality and an increasingly implausible fantasy which, once fully revealed, would be so painful to accept, that you’d rather cling to parts of the fantasy than confront that sad reality and move on. Relatedly, cognitive dissonance is also a sign that the psychopath still has a form of power over you: that his distorted standards still have a place in your brain. That even though you may reject him on some level, on another his opinions still matter to you. Needless to say, they shouldn’t. He is a fraud; his opinions are distorted; his ties to others, even those he claims to “love,” just empty dominance bonds. But if emotionally you still care about what he thinks or feels, then you are giving a disordered person too much power over you: another form of cognitive dissonance, perhaps the most dangerous. Cut those imaginary ties and cut the power chords that still tie you to a pathological person, his disordered supporters and their abnormal frame of reference. Nothing good will ever come out of allowing a psychopath and his pathological defenders any place in your heart or mind. The schism between their disordered perspective and your healthy one creates the inner tension that is also called cognitive dissonance. To eliminate this inner tension means to free yourself– body, heart and mind–from the psychopath, his followers and their opinions or standards. What they do, say, think or believe –and the silly mind games they choose to play–simply does not matter."