Goodbye Scott

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#1 Sep 1 - 2PM
juliacatherine's picture

Goodbye Scott


How do I reconcile that the great love of my life never existed? So hard it is for me to wrap my mind around the fact that you were nothing but smoke and mirrors. So hard to believe that it was all an act, one that could be easily performed by you with any woman, not just myself. Will I ever get over the hurt and rage? The pain I felt during our relationship of never being good enough? The murderous thoughts I have towards you? The frustration anger and resentment? The sadness. The memories of all our trips across the country, all our special adventures, all the fun we had with my daughter, how sweet you were with her. All the moments and whispers and secrets of "our world". All the gifts, the nights out dancing, the special dinners, the beautiful sex (it was so real for me yet so fake for you). Can I say goodbye to all that? Yes. Why? Because in saying goodbye to that I also say goodbye to the man who called me a cunt, a whore, sick in the head, a bad mother, a fraud, a sneaky lowdown dirty motherfucker, selfish, jealous, insecure, did I mention cunt and whore? Goodbye to the man who blamed blamed blamed blamed and fucking BLAMED. Who could NEVER be accountable. Goodbye to the man who brings out a white hot RAGE in me like I have never felt before. I am saying goodbye to the man who spit in my face (literally) told me I made him sick, that he couldn't fucking stand me, that I repulsed him. Goodbye to the man who dragged my by my ponytail from one end of his house to the other, threw me on his bed and tried to smother me. Who has tried to fuck me up on numerous occasions and when I physically fought back (because I am a tough bitch who won't take that shit lying down)told me that I was the abuser, that I scarred YOU!! Goddamn right I did. I say goodbye to the Julie who mistakes rage for love, who believes passion = anger and rage and crazy sex and riding on the bi-polar coaster with men. I say goodbye to the sad girl who is trying to fill the void of blackness inside with viscious men who do not love me. Oh Scotty, I loved you, the boy, the man, the wounded child. But I cannot heal you - I can only heal myself. You symbolized and represented so much to me...we were like moths to the flame to each other I guess. Each filling some sick need in the other. I don't know. And I no longer care to. In saying goodbye to you I say goodbye to toxic men forever, and I say hello to the life that I deserve. You should come with a warning label. I pray to God to help me fully let you go because your hooks were in deep, so deep. It may take me years to recover but I WILL RECOVER. I would pray to God for your healing but I believe that not even divine intervention could help someone as disordered as you. I pray that I will emotionally, spiritually and physically heal from you. So goodbye to this whole conflicted mess and goodbye to you and your duplicity Scott. I loved you so much baby. But finally, ...Goodbye I say with a mixture of sadness, anger, nostalgia but most of all.... hope for me. ....:)

Sep 2 - 6PM
Tiredgirl's picture


Sep 2 - 11AM
NeverEverAgain's picture