Goodbye M!

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#1 Jan 6 - 12PM
Movingforwardnow
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Goodbye M!

Dear Narc,

I need to have some closure so I am writing this letter to you. I won't ever send it...but it feels good to write it out.........In the beginning you pulled me in with your confidence, your humor, and your love for my boys. As time went on though you beat me up emotionally, verbally and physically. You tore me down. You broke my spirit. You crushed my self-esteem. You always claimed I had low self-esteem and that finally became true. Your constant reminder of "my condition just a short four years ago" was your way of keeping me in my place. You claim I ruined every one of your BIG days.....not true. You provoked and pushed me every one of those times with your lack of compassion, and your lack of empathy. You twisted everything I have ever said to instill conflict. To push my buttons and enrage me so you could then claim it was my fault because I am crazy. You belittled me in public, in private and in front of my children. You never loved me....well you did but only in the way you know how to love and your way is abusive and unhealthy. Unfortunately, I fell into the trap. You claim I disrespected you when in reality I was only treating you the way you were treating me. You will just now move onto your next victim because I no longer am your narcissistic supply. I see through you! I know the truth and unfortunatley for you, you will repeat those same behaviors in any and all of your next relationships. Goodluck with that! Projection: when one takes their own defects and projects them on another. One of the biggest traits of a narcissisit. You claim I am crazy, I am a drunk, I have low self-esteem, I am mean, I am disrespectful. Everytime you pointed your finger at me and claimed those things about me you were really recognizing those defects within yourself. Any psychologist would be able to point that out for you. Once we broke up you pulled me back in by being attentive to me and the boys and almost and I say almost apologizing for past wrongdoings. I say almost because a narcissisit never really says they are sorry. They can't because they can't see beyond themselves to realize how they have hurt someone. That is lack of empathy. You lack empathy and compassion. Others won't recognize that because another big trait of a narcissisit is to portray one person to the outside world while portraying his true self to his significant other. Friends may claim they know you , but they don't! I know the true Firstname Lastname inside and out and better than anyone else on this earth. The more and more I learn about narcissism the more and more I realize this is YOU! The one thing they warn a victim of a narcissisit is to never ever tell them they are a narcissisit, but who cares now? You can't hurt me anymore! I am a strong, independent, loving woman and a man that treats me right will be very lucky to have me! You never were on the receiving end of the wonderful person I am because you kept me at a distance....fear of intimacy that's called...you kept me at a distance and pushed me away and then pulled me back in. Hot and cold. That is not healthy and I know that now. Well, truth is, I knew that then but was so lost when with you that I lost all sense of reality and right from wrong. You are a very sick man! You will be old and alone all your life! NO ONE WILL EVER PUT UP WITH YOUR SHIT! The only person you can swoop up is another wounded bird. And well, Narc, that will no longer work for you. That will no longer be ok to those around you. You are unable to have a relationship with a strong, independent woman....someone on your level....you could not handle an equal. You need to be the boss and superior. Well buddy as soon as I became your equal you could not handle it. Well how do you feel now asshole? I now blow you away! I am successful, independent, thin, beautiful, loving, honest, respectful, kind...the list goes on and on...and where are you? Who are you? Oh, that's right, you are alone and old and fat and a narcissisit! I am so confused! For four years I loved you unconditionally, I made deposit after deposit and all you did was make withdrawls. I am confused and my reality is obscured, I no longer think about what I thought were good memories or good times becasue I now know they were not real! I know a few more things for sure: One: I no longer will be your source for narcissistic supply. Two: You will move on to your next victim and reapeat the same old cycle. You need to move on because you need that narcissistic supply, you can't live without it. Your "office wife" will continue to provide that for you....SICK! And lastly, I know IT WILL NOT BE ME! Never have I learned so much from someone who gave so little. Thanks!

Oh and by the way:
Gaslighting
A common form of brainwashing in which an abuser tries to falsely convince the victim that the victim is defective, for any purpose whatsoever, such as making the victim more pliable and easily controlled, or making the victim more emotional and therefore more needy and dependent.
Often done by friends and family members, who claim (and may even believe) that they are trying to be helpful. The gaslighting abuser sees himself or herself as a nurturing parental figure in relation to the victim, and uses gaslighting as a means for keeping the victim in that relationship, perhaps as punishment for the victim’s attempt to break out of the dependent role.
Example 1: If an abusive person says hurtful things and makes you cry, and then, instead of apologizing and taking responsibility, starts recommending treatments for what he or she calls “your depression” or “your mood swings,” you are in the presence of a gaslighter.
Example 2: If someone insults you or criticizes you, and then pretends it was a joke and asks “Don’t you have a sense of humor?”, that’s gaslighting.
This is an extremely aggressive and exceptionally infuriating tactic called “gaslighting,” common to abusers of all kinds. Your perceptions of reality are continually undermined so that you end up without any confidence in your intuition, your memory or your powers of reasoning. This makes you a much better victim for the abuser.
Narcissists gaslight routinely. The narcissist will either insinuate or will tell you outright that you’re unstable, otherwise you wouldn’t believe such ridiculous things or be so uncooperative. You’re oversensitive. You’re imagining things. You’re hysterical. You’re completely unreasonable. You’re over-reacting, like you always do. He’ll talk to you when you’ve calmed down and aren’t so irrational. He may even characterize you as being neurotic or psychotic.
Once he’s constructed these fantasies of your emotional pathologies, he’ll tell others about them, as always, presenting his smears as expressions of concern and declaring his own helpless victimhood. He didn’t do anything. He has no idea why you’re so irrationally angry with him. You’ve hurt him terribly. He thinks you may need psychotherapy. He loves you very much and would do anything to make you happy, but he just doesn’t know what to do. You keep pushing him away when all he wants to do is help you.
He has simultaneously absolved himself of any responsibility for your obvious antipathy towards him, implied that it’s something fundamentally wrong with you that makes you angry with him, and undermined your credibility with his listeners. He plays the role of the doting boyfriend so perfectly that no one will believe you.

AGAIN: I HAVE NEVER LEARNED SO MUCH FROM SOMEONE WHO GAVE SO LITTLE! THANKS!!!!

Jan 6 - 9PM
fallingfoward
fallingfoward's picture

Great.....

insight. Never have I learned so much from someone who gave so little. Go Girl!!!! I was so inspiried when I read your post to keep moving forward.
Jan 6 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
Movingforwardnow
Movingforwardnow's picture

The "Never have I learned so

The "Never have I learned so much from someone who gave so little"...it's not mine but thanks ... I stole it from this forum and liked it soooooo much I went ahead and put it in Goodbye letter becasue I want to remember that for life! Pplagiarism I am afraid.....:) I do hope some of the rest of it inspired you as well.....
Jan 10 - 6PM (Reply to #6)
fallingfoward
fallingfoward's picture

Yes mcastle

Yes, your whole story inspired me. Thanks for having the courage to share. GO GiRL!!!! It encourages me to know there is a way out of this madness. Hugs :)
Jan 6 - 4PM
HardToBelieve
HardToBelieve's picture

WOW!!!

I COULD HAVE SAID EVERY WORD YOU JUST SAID, THIS USED TO BE MY LIFE AND YOUR WORDS IS JUST WHAT I WOULD HAVE WANTED TO TELL HIM!!! THANK YOU FOR THIS, VERY EMPOWERING!!!
Jan 6 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
Movingforwardnow
Movingforwardnow's picture

Thanks....

I am trying to feel empowered....but it's hard. I just keep reminding myself that anything good I remember about him or the relationship was NOT REAL!!! It was a bit long and I saound like a crazy lady but that is what I became by being in this relationship. He definitely was my "crazy maker" I'd be dead without this forum. Here's to one more day of NC! One day at a time....and sometimes I got to take it one minute at a time.
Jan 10 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
lola_azul
lola_azul's picture

You are truly an inspiration!!

Keep posting and please do not ever feel that you sound crazy!! We can all relate and it is perfectly normal to feel this way!! Crazy is what they are!!! Hugs,