This letter is long overdue. When I left you last May, I was a total and complete mess. On moving day, I remember sobbing and thinking my life would never be the same without you. J, M & S (best friend and daughters) would not leave my side for the whole day for fear of what I might do. I was devestated.
Why did I put your sorry ass on such a pedestal? The only answer that I can come up with is that you were so great and so good to me and my family during the entire time we dated and at least the first 3 years of our marriage. Something happened around Year 3. I have no idea but it seemed like overnight you went from this kind, gentle, fun guy to this brooding monster of a man. Secretive. Bossy. Nasty. The mask came off full force that year.
Even after I moved out, I continued to hope and pray to hear from you, just one small gesture to let me know that you were thinking of me and that you would change back into the man that I had married. I allowed you to play your mind f*ck games with me time and again. Then it progressed into you "rewriting" history and you finally had the nerve to insinuate that my daughters and I "made mountains out of molehills". Oh yeah, you also let me know how HURT you were that I choose them over you. My own flesh and blood. How dare you!!??
Mountains out of molehills?? You mean like the time (when we still lived with you) that my 16 year old daughter called me at 12:30 a.m. to let me know that she wouldn't be home by curfew because she was going to spend the night at her friend's house? Pretty typical and reasonable phone call from a teenager, right? Oh no, you were APPALLED that she had the nerve to call at that time on a FRIDAY night and disturb your precious sleep. You were almost comical that night. If you hadn't scared me and M so much, I would have laughed out loud. You proceeded to turn on every light and TV in the house and scream at the top of your lungs, "HOW DO YOU LIKE TO BE DISTURBED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT??" Then, unbeknowst to me, you called and left a vile voicemail on my daughter's phone telling her to never EVER call after 11 p.m. at night again and telling her if "your mom isn't going to parent you, then I sure will". Two days later, after I left from work, you set up a vaccuum cleaner outside that daughter's room, turned it on, and left the house. At 7:45 a.m. What sane, mature or reasonable person does this to a 16 year-old child? It's like you're two years old. Of course, by that time you had intimidated me so much that I didn't dare say anything. When I think back to that time and how spineless I was, I cringe. If you tried something like that now with either of my daughters, I would be like a Tiger.
I have so many more memories of the abuse you dooled out to us. YES, ABUSE. AWFUL ABUSE!! You not only spoke to me like I was the dog shit on the bottom of your shoe, but you would fabricate something I did "wrong", pick a fight with me and slink off to the casino or the bar (the only two places you seemed happy) for the day, ignoring any phone call or text from me. Then you'd saunter in whenever it suited you and act like nothing was wrong. You never got and still don't get how you hurt me - TIME AND TIME AGAIN!!
Your scrambled egg for brains keep you insisting that I gave up on our marriage, even while I was seeing a counselor to help me get over the trauma of seeing my prince charming turn into the most mean, vicious creature that I've ever encountered. Oh yeah, you keep forgetting that it was YOU who stopped going to a counselor because you didn't agree with her assessment of you. By the way, it was she who asked to see me and it was she who told me to run, not walk, away from you because you are a narcissist!! So, yeah, I guess I did give up on our marriage. It was probably the smartest decision I have ever made in my life.
I can't believe it has taken me 18 months to FINALLY get to the point where I am taking back my power. Thank you SO MUCH for showing up on my doorstep two weeks ago after not having contact with me for over a month and begging your undying love to me and then in the very next sentence telling me that you're seeing someone else. And then in the next sentence asking me to have sex with you. It was eye opening to say the least. What kind of sick pervert shows up professing love and asking for sex after all this time and especially when they're seeing someone else?? Oh yeah, A NARC!! Then after I told you that I wanted absolutely NO CONTACT with you, you turned around and said, "I love you - I'm not done with you yet". You know what I thought just as you said that, "guess what, yes you are done with me, because I say you're done with me." You called me the following Thursday (at work because I have no caller id there), and asked me to lunch!! I was speechless. You then showed up at my office the very following day. It was then and there that I finally got it. You were hoovering big time. I told you AGAIN in no uncertain terms to leave me the F*CK ALONE. Why do you always act like you don't hear me? You just do whatever you want because IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU!! I have told all my coworkers to keep you away from me. If you call my work extension, you will promptly be cut off. Because, what you don't know and that I know, I have finally had enough!! I deserve to be more than an option to someone. Find another sucker.
I feel sorry for the woman you're seeing but she's not my problem and you're not my problem anymore either. You're a pathetic, sick man who terrorized me!!
BLOW ME (one last kiss) by PINK comes to mind. I love that song and everytime I hear it, I want to put my middle finger in the air and scream to the world how much you can do that to yourself!