Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye N,
Finally after the fifth time I broke up I went NO Contact with you. This means I will never ever hear anything again from you and you will never ever hear again anything from me.
I know you don't care a bit about how I feel. I know you faked it a few times, you acted like you cared. Only when I broke up with you. Then you were this nice perfect, crying sweet guy who wanted to change. You even would go to therapy for me you said. But you were lying al along.
How could I know you were this crazy person. I was 25, this was my first relationship. I was struggling with my homophobic family on one hand, and recovered from cancer on the other hand.
You acted like my savior, this sweet guy who only wants to find his soulmate, marry, settle down, have children (maybe adopt in our case..) and live happily ever after. You played this victim. Bullied in school, beaten by his father. Abandoned by friends. Pyscho ex. And I love the victim. Always did. Because I like to help people.
Well, I could have known. There were many red flags. Acting hot and cold (way beyond ordinary hard to get play). Every day in the gym (well maybe some of these days you just cheated on me) You couldn't stop talking about yourself and could barely listen when I had something to say. You kept fantasizing about how great you were and would become,and also kept fishing for compliments all the time. I saw this, I even told you. You apologized. But all of it fake off course. I just accepted it. Maybe I was in desperate need of love. I don't know.
Once you told me I made a terrible decision by dating you. A rare moment of honesty.
I will not really forgive what you did to me. The subtle and non subtle ways of putting me down all the time. You made me feel like worthless junk. You were the one living with your parents, a school dropout. But I felt the one who was nothing. But you loved me off course. Funny guy,
Your blatant lying about all these people who were just 'your friends' was terrible. Your adventures on dating apps were off course nothing important. You 'just looked'. Your harem and all the guys (you were also lying to them I found out, but I was your 'main bitch') you lied to was another thing. You cheated. I saw proof finally, but I knew it along. By cheating you put me at risk for STD"s. I told you from the beginning of our relationship that I was afraid of STD's and I just recovered from a serious disease which made me hypochondriac. You said that you would never put me in danger. Because you loved me.
But you're a pathetic liar. You are empty inside. You are this little boy that always needs approval. It's probably because of the beating by your dad, but that's not my fault, nor it gives you an excuse to hurt me so much. And I know you will never be happy. I pitty you and the next victim. Yes you are a bit handsome and you are a good dancer. But you are really not as handsome as you think. You are short(something else of you is small as well). Hair loss started because of your smoking (about that you also lied) and your ear hair is just disgusting. When I loved you I didn't see these things. Because I just really loved you. A feeling you will never know.
I didn't speak with you for two days now and I already feel so much more sane now. Maybe, someday I will forgive you, or just accept that you are this way and that's just the way it is. But now I'm just happy that your crazy bullshit is out of my live. And I will keep it that way. Bye asshole.
Mistake again