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A good NC reminder

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#1 Aug 2 - 6PM
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

A good NC reminder

So, the ex was in town this weekend. And while I had no contact with him whatsoever, I did succumb to hearing about his FB updates from a mutual friend, which I won't bore you with but you know the story anyway, it's all about fabulosity, popularity and wonderful-ness.

And...the fact that he's seriously considering moving back here. Lovely! Can't wait. I'm just hoping that he finds some smart sexy beautiful woman who adores him in his current town so that he'll stay there.

Anyway, I've been feeling my confidence slip, my doubts about myself crop up, and hearing his voice in my head telling me all the things about me that are wrong. So it didn't take more than 3rd party commentary for me to slip back into those old bad feelings.

I suppose if he moves here he does, I'll deal with it if it happens. But I know for sure that even now, when I have no desire to be directly in touch with him in any way, his voice is still dangerously embedded in some of my thought patterns.

Made an appointment to see my therapist and it's back on the wagon for meeeeeee.

Aug 2 - 8PM
Bodhi
Bodhi's picture

wholeagain

anyway, it's all about fabulosity, popularity and wonderful-ness. This made me chuckle a bit, because boy do I know that feeling. Propaganda galore... and its so hard to not get sucked in. Coming from someone who had dealt with this for a LONG time (and I don't know your specific situation in enough detail) but why are you friends giving you this information? In my situation it was either because they were enjoying the drama a little too much or I didn't create clear enough boundaries. I ended up removing the drama lovers from my life and really making sure my good friends knew that I didn't want to know ANYTHING about my ExN unless he died. I gotta say... it's been wonderful and I definitely recommend the same! As far as the move... I definitely agree that it's not worth stressing about until you know for sure. I know its easier said then done, but why worry about something that may not happen?
Aug 2 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Propaganda

Exactly! I believed it for a long time. I had actually asked this friend to keep me posted over the weekend while he was in town, basically so I could be sure to not go where he was holding his fabulous court with his wonderful best friends. So my bad--I intentionally asked. Otherwise she'd not have done that. Plus, and I'm NOT saying this is good or healthy or any reason to maintain contact, but after a certain point, when you get far enough to see with more objective eyes, it's like watching a bad soap opera or a train wreck. Easy to get caught up and be fascinated by the pathology of it all. And in some ways that part of it has been validating as well--like, okay, I really wasn't crazazy, this really was a f****d up as I thought it was in my gut. As a few folks have said in recent posts, once the blinders are really off you can't ever go back. Disclaimer again, I know this isn't a reason to keep tabs, and I don't plan to.
Aug 2 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
Bodhi
Bodhi's picture

Bad Soap Opera

LOLOLOL! I can relate to that as well... my ExN has a very very detailed blog that I read for a while and he went into great details about his new victim. Let's just say it was an instant relationship (just add water!) and it was VERY validating, but it also hurt like hell. I know what it's like to want the details to protect yourself (i.e. this past weekend) but the curiosity will pass. I still worry about running into my ExN when I'm in his hood, but then I think about all the awful things he did to me... I get steamed up all over again... and it takes me out of victim mode where I get stuck sometimes. I was just checking on the friend front, because some people really love a good drama!
Aug 2 - 6PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Wholeagain

Oh, I do hope he doesn't move back to your town, but if he does, I know you can handle it! Yikes, I'm sure the FB updates were nauseating. Try not to worry about the what happens if he moves back, but instead focus on the now and it will seem less overwhelming. You can't control whether he does or doesn't so let it go and don't let it rob you of the present moment. You're NC right now and that's what matters. You'll deal with tomorrow when that time comes and I know you'll handle it beautifully. xoxo