Good Energy!!

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#1 Aug 14 - 6PM

tica

Good Energy!!

There is so much in common with all of your stories..

his first words i remember him saying to me.."you have good energy" i didn't know he was a vampire seeking out his blood supply.

I thought it was odd that he always took his shirt off...walked around like a peacock..even inside places..he picked me up at the airport with jeans and no shirt on...obviously somantic..but i know that NOW..just thought it was odd, but loved his confidence, so i let it go by me..the first night we walked home from the restaurant, he took off his shirt and was actually talking and posing at the same time..i remember thinking, 'what is this guy doing?" he's comical..yet he seemed sort of pathetic at the same time..

his money management was bipolar...most times he was crying poor..then he treated me to a spa day at one of the worlds most famous..had to be a $1000/day..found out later...some woman gave it to him...little does she know, he gave it to me!

he never wanted to take me out...except for long drives out of town..he took me to meet his family..i thought that meant something...but they were weird...like quiet...now i think they knew i would eventually figure him out...they didn't know what to do with him..his 2 younger sisters were doctors and he couldn't keep a job..still i didn't see it..thought he had such potential!

We lived together in a place that i had rented and would come and go from since i live in another country... separate bedrooms/bathrooms...he would go out to dinner with me, then when we were home and getting close, he would leave...just walk away..i remember looking at him and he just gave me a cold stare and left..chilling...

he would always whisper things into my ear in public..."can't wait to rape you later...can't get your body off my mind..we will have a moment tonite.." then he would not follow through...but we always had sex right before he asked for something..

one morning, i got up early, did yoga saw an amazing full rainbow and woke him...he was half asleep..but I literally attacked HIM...most guys would love that...he followed through, then ignored me with silence for the rest of the week...I realized it was a no-no for me to initiate sex...

he always had ex's calling him..he told me..they were friends..then the next time I came back, he was calling them wacko's..on christmas morning, one called...he ignored it..i actually felt badly for the girl..he wasn't my guy..he made it clear..he did not want a relationship..yet he wanted me there...we stopped being physical and tried to be "just friends" too late for me, I was already sucked in and he knew it..but I kept trying to remain the friend..even took him on as a business partner...told him i just wanted honesty and loyalty...he agreed..helloooooooooooo

we would talk every week since i was out of the country..he gave me a beautifful bracelet for christmas...i never understood our relationship..he loved when i would cook, clean and then he would leave and "hunt" yet he would come home and tell me...when I am 40..you and i will be together...he was 35...i was ok with that, because i wasn't looking for a relationship and knew in my gut, he wasn't capable...

my last visit, a friend of his slipped and told me of the narcs latest..she looked just like me, same age, but had alot more money...the narc started to devlaue me...so i dropped him like a hot potatoe, before he dropped me..he didn't like that because he hadn't secured the other yet...I left the country and everything behind...told him if you don't see me in a year "donate everything"

he thinks i am coming back as I always do..but it has been 9 weeks no contact on my part..he gave a weak attempt, then when I did not respond..he backed off..i know he is just patiently waiting..

now he's into religion...but i witnessed him conning and lying to his friends..what a phony...

one time he doesn't smoke pot..then he quits drinking and goes back to pot...he's all over the place..

he's waiting for me to return...my silence is killing him...

i feel in control by NC...it's the best thing i ever did..everyday is a clearer day..please give me the strength to not get sucked back in...i never knew this could be so hard
thanks for letting me share...

Tica

#2 Aug 29 - 2AM

girlfriday

Mine did the SAME thing with

Mine did the SAME thing with the getting intimate and then just walking away leaving me hanging. And also the suggestions of things to come, but no follow-through. This is the most frustrating thing ever, and the sick part is that they know how frustrated and confused and crazy it makes us. It's sadistic.

#3 Aug 15 - 9PM

moonshine

Could I ask a question?

Could I ask you a question? i read your story. You seem to be clear and strong in making decisions and understanding in some way. You have also written about your relationship with him. You said "I didnt understand our relationship". My N never wanted any relationship with me in his mind but never told me anything about it. When we became physical he said he doesn't want one and the similarity in your story is that I was already very much into him at that point and it took me 6 months to get confused, get hurt all the time and to get out. Like your story I cooked and cleaned. He loved it. He loved acting as my boyfriend but at the end he said I was just a room mate. I was giving him money to help with the house payment. I was giving him company. He also got sex from me. I just feel very used and drained as i gave all my love too. He wanted me there and he did not want me to leave. He cried and cried that I was going to leave. I can see that you dropped him before he dropped you. But..what do you make of the relationship? How do you feel about it? I still feel very confused that he took the services of a girlfriend from me only to call me a room mate. Well....my absolute question to you would be ...how did you feel or process the feeling of not being a girl friend and yet was being one? I am still a bit confused in processing my feelings over that. Any answer from you would help and I am really happy for your NC.

#4 Aug 16 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

tica

moonshine

hi! thanks for asking that question, because in actuality, i am pissed..but at the same time, I allowed and also seemed quite fine with being just the roomate/business partner...it was messed up from the beginning because it was physical, then became "friends" then business partners with suggestive comments...then stares, comments and longings on my part..i told him i really just wanted honesty..but when i would ask if he had a girlfriend he would say no..his facebook status was single and still is today... when i came back to town and heard about his new girlfriend and i casually dropped it to him, he denied it..said she was "not his girlfriend, she was too crazy for him" soon after, my stomach felt so sick that i dropped him.. in retrospect i let many red flags go by...because he was so cute, charming and exciting to be around..but i now see it was an illusion...i refuse to beat myself up about it though, because i really loved him and his little boy..so i feel good that i am capable of such love...he is not and that is his personality disorder and problem. It was fun to play "WENDY" but it really isn't want i want for the rest of my life..do you? i have no regrets..just sorry that i will probably never talk with him again.."better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" Love is a good thing, all on this sight have good vibes and lots of love to share, that is why the narc was attracted..for this we should all be proud and nurture ourselves...goodness always triumphs evil and i am afraid that is what we came up against...peace and light Tica

#5 Aug 31 - 2AM (Reply to #8)

moonshine

thanks tica

Sorry it took a while to get back to you. Its hard to gather my thoughts at times as I feel depressed most of the time. Thanks for your answer. In contrast to you, I wanted him as my man but he behaved as my man but said he never loved me. I was not comfortable being the room mate. But...it took a while to get that in my head and move out. I can see that you were clear in what was going on but I was not. I was naive. When ever we went out he made sure that we were not couples although people thought we were. I am deeply hurt. As you said, i did love him with all my heart. Gave him the best but he said he never loved me and it hurts. Thanks though for your reply. It helps to understand. I hope you are doing well.

#6 Sep 3 - 8PM (Reply to #9)

tica

moonshine

chin up girl! i know you are a loving beautiful woman, and if he said he never loved you..you are with company! No Narc can love..they actually tell us how they are..we heard it but didn't listen, ignored the voices within..now that we are in NC, conversations come back and we "rehear" it..be happy for the fun times that you did have..they weren't all that bad or we all wouldn't be here on this forum. I know how hurtful it is to not know where you stand in a relationship..he tells you one thing then acts another.. i blocked and now remember a conversation we had but at one time , he was speaking to me and i was on such eggshells/anxiety, I kept folding towels and he yelled "look at me when I speak to you!" I immediately looked up and said i was sorry as he turned his back on me and stormed out...that was my LOWEST point..that's all it took..I KNEW this relationship was toxic, no matter what we were..friends, lovers, business partners..I needed to get out.but I waited @ 2 months, really thought it through and I knew it would hurt, but he was to never see that..it has been 12 weeks today and tomorrow is his birthday..he'll relaize how serious I am when he doesn't hear from me..I refuse to have contact with him...not after I have come this far and am holding the cards :) He wasn't the right one..LET GO with love!

#7 Sep 9 - 1PM (Reply to #10)

moonshine

thank you tica

You are very positive!! Thanks for the great reply. I feel i need to hold the good time some where in my mind...i hope to. Hope you are well.

#8 Aug 29 - 6AM (Reply to #7)

alma25

thanks tica

"Love is a good thing, all on this sight have good vibes and lots of love to share, that is why the narc was attracted..for this we should all be proud and nurture ourselves...goodness always triumphs evil and i am afraid that is what we came up against..." it's really nice what you have written

#9 Aug 24 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

ShaynasMommy

Tica,

I so forgot about the Wendy and the little lost boys thing! I so said the same thing to my N when he asked me to be his roomate.....after 7 years of his push/pull them get engaged then dump her crap. I said no thanks, I don't want to be the Wendy in your little lost boys situation (he had all of his fuckwith little boy friends always about.) The irony here is that the OW he left me for, her name was....wait for it.... Wendy!

#10 Aug 28 - 9AM (Reply to #6)

tica

ShaynasMommy

You made my day with this!! LOL thanks tica

#11 Aug 14 - 6PM

betty2020

Ahhh yes, the strange

Ahhh yes, the strange behaviors of the demented. They do the most bizarre things i have ever seen. I remember frequently that he would do something that was so weird and i would stop and look at him and think to myself, "Is this normal, is he crazy?" Now i realize he was a functioning lunatic! Crazy is far to simplistic for the complexities of a Narc. Your right, they are all over the place. Its the mixing of strange and crazy behavior with the normal ones that throws you off. We are always second guessing. Thanks for the post and i dont think i have formally said hello and im glad your here...xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#12 Aug 15 - 4AM (Reply to #2)

tica

Betty2020

thank you for your confirmation on the strange behaviors...before i left, he found out that his son (4 year old)who is adorable and the only thing this narc has somewhat responsibility in doing, well the mother of his son, was taking the boy away to another country...the narc was shocked and sad..but really this poor woman had to put up with him always peacocking around town, going from one woman to the next..she had had it! by this point, so had i and he and i actually had a heart to heart...i got to say what i wanted..told him that his behaviors make people angry..that i beleived he had a personality disorder (narcissism) and that it really wasn't his fault..bad parenting..but i also had issues and just couldn't be around his personality..he got up and hugged me..then began to SEEM like he was crying in my neck..but crocodile tears..he then got a hard on, raised his head..covered his eyes...dry eyes...and said "ok, rnough of that!" and strutted out of the room...more and more strange behaviors keep coming back to me as I refelect..so glad yo be out of the madness... thanks again for letting me vent... tica

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