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This is going to take a lot of strength

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#1 Apr 14 - 12PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

This is going to take a lot of strength

...but I am going to end that ''friendship'' with that woman I've been telling you about.

When you pull yourself away from an abusive person--you start looking at your life clearer. I see things and peoplewho don't belong in it. I trusted this woman. She is spot on about my exN. Totally. She has helped me maintain strength. But, I can't help but wonder her agenda. Not that she wants him, but she wants to stay his 'friend.' And I no longer care why.

I also noticed today...when I went onto the website we are members of...how different she is to me, on there. Where HE can see. I've noticed this for some time now. And never really put it together. But, her signature has the quotes from her FB page...(some of them) and they match a few of his. When she is on the phone with me, she's my best friend. It seems. But, on there...she avoids me. Talks differently to me. And the reason is because HE can read what she is writing.

So, now we broke up, he and I. She is avoiding me like the plague. haha How sad.

For her. When she never hears from me again. I am a good friend to have. I was a good gf to have. But, I won't have people who mistreat me in my life, anymore.

I just wanted to share this. Please pray I stay NC. I'm also leaving that site for a while. It has become nothing but a time waster...and a reminder of this horrid relationshp I just out of.

Thanks for listening..Gonna start today. I admit. It will feel strange going NC to her. But, it feels strange having a two faced friend, moreso.

Apr 14 - 1PM
Steph
Steph's picture

Sounds like a wise decision

Sounds like a wise decision you have made. The dynamic of your friendship with her definately seems "off". "But, I won't have people who mistreat me in my life, anymore" ...i love that you wrote that! Stay strong, you are on the right path:) xoxo
Apr 14 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

staying strong

Thank you staying!! And with friendships...true friendships--there is give and take. I see that with her. There is respect. I see that, to a degree. She is there for me, definitely...and was a blessing throughout this ordeal with the N. But! Those FB quotes. Her treatment of me changing on the website, as opposed to in person/phone. (alone) Her writing on his FB wall...''hey evil twin.'' It just makes me very uncomfortable. And now? I see that discomfort as something to pay attention to. I don't want to become this touchy, overly sensitive person who is constantly on the lookout for being mistreated. But, when I do feel uncomfortable...truly an ache in my belly over something not feeling right--I'm not ignoring that anymore to keep the peace. She is supposed to move close to me in June. I really don't like the idea, anymore...to be honest.
Apr 14 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
Steph
Steph's picture

You are learning to trust your

You are learning to trus your gut. Huge progress on your part. Doesn't sound one bit like you are being "overly sensitive". Not at all. From an outsider's perspctive, I think the things you have described about her, how she is "different" with you on the site that he can see too, is very "off". You are trusting your gut. Your intuition. You are being true to You. Worry about June, when June comes. By then, you may not even give a rats ass anymore.
Apr 14 - 1PM (Reply to #6)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

staying

Loooong time comin'! ;) thanks!!!
Apr 14 - 12PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I even sent her the diet he

I even sent her the diet he put together for me...looong email. No thank you...nothing. I asked her if she is following it...''Yes, started today.'' Still...no thank you? She was mad he didn't send it to her directly. I think she has secretly liked this man, perhaps. I don't know. He ''chose'' me...and so maybe this fueled some secret jealousy. I never thought this, until really starting to piece things together. And those FB quotes matching his. Ugh. Anyways...please pray I maintain military silence. :) Thank you. I need to start making better choices about who to let into my life.
Apr 14 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Diedre

What I have found or what I have experienced as a result of not only the narc experience but my "childhood" was that since dysfunction was normal, I had no radar to determine who was healthy and who wasn't. Who was just under the suface secretly envious, or had other issues that were equally harming to me. Who was giving mixed messages, causing me to doubt myself, somehow putting me in positons where even if I was right about something made to feel wrong or if I offended...who were the other MANIPULATORS in my life. AND you don't have to be a narc of be a manipulator, many can manipulate, and I was blind to it. The Narc experience tweaked my awareness, and I became very cognizant that I had in my "circle" a number of...for lack of a better word, "full of shit people" that being the case, I had to bite the bullet and eliminate them because I decided that I needed to grow and if I was going to purge all negativity and toxins, the slate had to be wiped clean completely, there had to be no half stepping and I had to rebuild. Today, I can say I have TWO very good friends that stayed on that list. The rest, haven't been put on notice, but they are not on that "special" list and if I hear from them fine and if I don't that's finer...but I've become aware of my boundaries and you will find, if you are going to go through this process, for a time it will seem like folks are just dropping like flies, some of their own accord some of your making...some will resist your changes, your speaking up, your enforcing boundaries when they got so used to pulling their crap and you "not noticing"...that will change and you have to do it with a will of steel and be determined that this whole change and revamping this gut renovation is about you, and it's not selfish - it is actually a part of loving yourself - removing the toxins and negative energy. AND be aware that they will still try to tell you that you're crazy or misreading things or misunderstood...don't believe the hype... AND so the new motto becomes...QUALITY over quantity. Hugs!