giving up

27 posts / 0 new

#1 Feb 14 - 2PM

nlvr7

giving up

wow worst day ever. tried calling psych places no one can get me in for at least 2 weeks, they were rude and didnt seem to care when I told them I had suicidal ideation. they told me to go to a hosp. I cant do that, too expensive and I will run into ppl I kno since im in t med profession. Am in a very dark place today. Headache, no energy, brain fog, impaired cognition w no self esteem. What is t effing point....idk anymore.

#2 Feb 14 - 5PM

Goldie

All hospitals offer free care

You need to go to the local emergency room and talk with the psych department there. All hospitals have free care and many many many medical professionals seek psych care from time to time, and your records are confidential. You can call 911, the help line suggested on here, the local womans center generally has crisis hotlines for domestic abuse which of course includes emotional and physical abuse. If you are a trained medical professional surely you are aware that theapists offices ARE NOT equipped to deal with suicidal idealizations anyway and would refer you to the hopsital for meds and or inpatieint services even for a few days. Perhaps that would be helpful, for you to get away for a few days. I know many on here have checked into psych units for a chance to get through the initial crisis. We are concerned about you and your safety and need to know that you are doing what you need ot do to protect yourself. You are welcome to PM me and we can explore your options. God bless, Goldie

#3 Feb 14 - 6PM (Reply to #25)

nlvr7

Really I just wanted scripts

Really I just wanted scripts for an ssri, abilify and xanax... theres no free hosp. here they will bill me on t back end. I actually feel extremely selfish bc I just worked up someone that had metastatic stage iv stomach cancer and im thinking my problems r nothing compared to that. I need to start being grateful for what I do have.

#4 Feb 14 - 8PM (Reply to #26)

phantom adoration

grateful

That is the quandry isn't it? There is always someone worse off. Always. What you are suffering is real and it is not fair to compare your pain with someone elses. It sounds trite but it is relative. We deal with the hand we're dealt and hopefully what we are all suffering here is the worst we'll face in life. But, it may not be and whatever it is we'll deal with it, stronger and wiser for having suffered through this. Stay focused, cry, scream, put a blanket in the dryer and wrap it around yourself. We have all been in the dark place.

#5 Feb 14 - 5PM

Stillstanding

Call 1-800-273-talk its the

Call 1-800-273-talk its the suicide prevention hotline. You have nothing to loose it's confidential and they might refer you to some valuable resources. Or if not just talk to us on here

#6 Feb 14 - 4PM

nlvr7

im here....and holy shit my

im here....and holy shit my mom IS a N....here I am focusing on satan when its always been "all about her" holy F#@%

#7 Feb 14 - 4PM

shazza060969

where are you?

Stay with us !!

#8 Feb 14 - 3PM

Sparrow

I know that there are times

I know that there are times when it all seems hopeless and you seem more alone than ever before. If this is one of those times, please seek the help that you need. Even if it is to call the suicide hotline where you live. Anyone at this point in this feild can certainly help you. Or at least try. This is very early for you, you are raw, and you are hurting like you can never imagine. And the worst of it is, you believe that no one knows the pain you are in. But you are wrong, we all do. We remember........it is a both a physical and emotional pain, and it just won't go away. This is very normal. And it is magnified 100X's because of what today represents. I am sorry that you are suffering. It breaks my heart to know and not be within reach of you. Please, please contact Goldie and see if you can get a one-on-one scheduled, or call the hotlines that are available. Make the appointment for 2 weeks from now so at least you are scheduled. Don't give up, there is so very much to live for, it may not seem like it right at this moment, but if you give it a chance, you will and can see for yourself. There will be a day where you say to yourself "I can't believe I am so happy, and to think, I wanted to end it all. Thank God I didn't" Seriously........... Go directly to your G-Mom's when you get off work or to the nearest hospital if you don't think you will make it through the night. Please. xoxoxoxo

#9 Feb 14 - 5PM (Reply to #20)

phantom adoration

Thank you

Your posts always make me feel better. Really, today is a ridiculous holiday. Another money pit for the card companies. My daughter made dinner and hugged me when she caught me crying. Very sweet. Valentines Day is just another day in the many linked together since my N left. Trying really hard to grasp the reality that he is the emotional cripple, not me. That what I felt was real and is not easily dismissed. Yes, it hurts and there has been pain. Yes, I had dark thoughts in the beginning. But I have a child, at 17 an almost woman and have miles to go before I sleep. The OW was confirmed today, he took her on a cruise, our annual cruise, the one I booked as a surprise for him many years ago. Wanted to ask what you tell your daughter, how much does she know? I am trying to be need to know and not to disparage him. Made me feel ill, for a few minutes. Then I dried the tears and went out and did yard work. A nice shower, good book and another day is almost past. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to share with us, you make a difference

#10 Feb 14 - 4PM (Reply to #18)

nlvr7

thank you for your kindness

thank you for your kindness sparrow you are always so articulate...helps to know you have been thru this and came out okay on t other side

#11 Feb 14 - 4PM (Reply to #19)

Sparrow

You are very welcome. Hang

You are very welcome. Hang tough, I know its hard........especially on days like today and what it represents. My daughter is begging me to join her and her Dad for dinner tonight, because she is worried that I will be alone, bless her heart. I assured her I was fine and that I am alone every Tuesday night. :) It's just another Tuesday is all. Seriously......... Way too much emphasis is put on this holiday. Way too much.......... Interesting fact: WOMEN purchase 85% of Valentines each year. WOMEN! That should help put things into perspective a little bit as far as this ridiculous holiday is concerned. Just another day where we fall all over men who could care less. :) Chin up, the day is almost to an end, and tomorrow promises to be better. :)

#12 Feb 14 - 3PM

nlvr7

I was in t bathroom at work

I was in t bathroom at work crying, couldnt catch my breath. im @ work now and im going to spend t night @ my grandmas so I wont do anything to hurt myself. I will try to find some more providers tomorrow. You guys care more than my mom....amazing. thanks.

#13 Feb 14 - 3PM (Reply to #13)

Sparrow

Your Mom was clearly just a

Your Mom was clearly just a "host". Someone who gave birth to you. If she is incapable of loving you, she is incapable of loving anyone, she is a NARC. Do not take her lack of love personally, although it is almost impossible to do. With the proper help, loads of therapy, and support, you will get to the other side of this darkness that you are experiencing. Many of us here are her because of our Mother's and/or our Fathers. The lack of love from a parent is emotionally criminal. I am so sorry that you are struggling with this. I truly am.

#14 Feb 14 - 4PM (Reply to #14)

nlvr7

ty yes you have given me an

ty yes you have given me an aha moment from hell.....she is a N. all my life my eating disorder, my type a overachieving ass (4.0 gpa getting my dr.) shes never once said im proud of u, she gives me no support yet she expects to lean on me for every one of her minute crisis....wow just wow

#15 Feb 14 - 4PM (Reply to #16)

Sparrow

Your in very good company. I

Your in very good company. I am 49 years old and have never been hugged by my Mother. You will find many here in the same situation. I love my Mother, but I do not model myself after her. My daughter receives love unconditioanlly from me every day and support, understanding, pride.........all of it. I learned to give so much for the lack of receiving when I was young. Once you start therapy, it will all make perfect sense, and you will create boundaries for your Mother. Honestly, there lies the problem........your Mother. Unfortunate but true. Don't fret, like I said, your not alone! :)

#16 Feb 14 - 4PM (Reply to #15)

Hunter

Ding,ding,ding.. There u go..

Ding,ding,ding.. There u go.. Did you make that appointment? Hunter

#17 Feb 14 - 3PM (Reply to #12)

shazza060969

NO MAN ....

My Gran said ' no man is worth your tears and the one that is will never make you cry' you should take heed!!

#18 Feb 14 - 3PM (Reply to #11)

spinning

thank you nlvr, and

take some deep breaths. This is a good plan and I'm glad you will spend the night with your grandma. I hope good things happen to you at work, too, to remind you that you are valued and valuable. Sincerely, (not) spinning.

spinning

#19 Feb 14 - 3PM

Movingforwardnow

nlvr7

Where are you? What State/City? Call 911 NOW!

#20 Feb 14 - 3PM

spinning

nlvr, as you can see here

we are all very concerned. Please let us know what you are doing to get the help you need. There are options, including a one-on-one with Goldie. There are emergency hotlines as well, and in the US there are many options for community mental health (I know, I called myself!). Will you kindly post here or PM me or another mod with how you are doing? Sincerely, (not) spinning.

spinning

#21 Feb 14 - 2PM

bakingfortherapy

Get help!!!

Get help now! Do you have suicide prevention call centers? Friends? Anyone? I know things can seem very bad at times...but don't talk yourself into despair! Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy! Can you think of things in your life that are wryhwhile? Things to be grateful for? You said you worked in the medical field... that is a very admirable job. DO NOT let the wordless narc take you down! Contact Goldie or PM Hunter!

#22 Feb 14 - 2PM

Run4it

Find a church

with a pastoral counselor. They can help you.

#23 Feb 14 - 2PM

Hunter

You are making excuses.. Did

You are making excuses.. Did you schedule an appointment for 2 weeks from now? Or did you just walk away.. Two weeks is not that long.. They are correct if you feel suicidal call 911..If you cut yourself and coulnt stop the bleeding would it be too expensive to get the help? Goldie is available .. Hunter

#24 Feb 14 - 2PM

Snowflake

nlvr7

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GIVE UP!!!!! We have the Samaritans in the UK who you can talk to when you get low..you need to talk to someone like them. Can you think of anything thats caused this set back? Sometimes you can get addicted to therapy in that you use that as a substitute. Her not needing to see you could have been taken sub consciously as a discard? Just my thoughts x

#25 Feb 14 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

nlvr7

no I had pre existing

no I had pre existing abandonment issues from my father and my mom told me 2 yrs ago she tried to give me up for adoption and she sucks as a mom so when I was discarded it just really played into my pre existing abandonment issues and I think triggered acute depression....i took a bunch of pills sun night...am scaring myself

#26 Feb 14 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

shazza060969

we are all here!!

R U in the uk? Dont let anyone do this to you, not now not ever!!

#27 Feb 14 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

nlvr7

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
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giving up

giving up

All hospitals offer free care

Really I just wanted scripts

grateful

Call 1-800-273-talk its the

im here....and holy shit my

where are you?

I know that there are times

Thank you

thank you for your kindness

You are very welcome. Hang

I was in t bathroom at work

Your Mom was clearly just a

ty yes you have given me an

Your in very good company. I

Ding,ding,ding.. There u go..

NO MAN ....

thank you nlvr, and

nlvr7

nlvr, as you can see here

Get help!!!

Find a church

You are making excuses.. Did

nlvr7

no I had pre existing

we are all here!!

Nope US... thanks for t post