The GF Moving In

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#1 Aug 16 - 5AM
awayfromhim
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The GF Moving In

Just having a little bit of a relapse so to speak. Been out of the marital home since April and just heard that the GF will move in at the end of the month. He told one of the kids that he didn't want to move her in too quickly so the neighbors wouldn't think bad of him. WTF?

I don't know, for some reason it's triggering in me the fact that he's won again. His life is not one I would want - he's an alcoholic abusive N. But the fact that he is living the way he thinks is great is just bugging me, like he has everything he wants while I am still working to recover from his abuse. I struggle at times and he just skips around getting wasted and enjoying himself. I'm working to rebuild my life and it's like I did him a favor by divorcing him. Guess I'm still harboring some kind of issue with wanting him to suffer for what he did. Damn, she will most likely share her income and even the alimony he pays me won't be an issue anymore. I haven't had a setback in awhile. Guess I was due.

Aug 16 - 2PM
ShaynasMommy
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Its really all just talk...

About how great things are with the new one, etc. Puhleese. They are so pathetic. They LIE all of the time. Even when they don't have to. He's making things out to be so rediculously perfect because he is on the "high" portion of his lifestyle pattern. When the "low" comes is when he can't lie as effectively to himself or her anymore, and tha'ts when she gets D&D'd. Only a matter of time. Mine moved his GF in a week after I moved out of our apt. In three months, she dumped him to go back to her husband.....so, who had the upper hand, really? It was awesome, b/cause she didn't really give him an opportunity that I know of to D&D her, she D&D'd him!
Aug 16 - 1PM
Amy
Amy's picture

You are so lucky...

To be done with this creep! Now he is OW's problem, not yours. He is not going to treat her better. He will eventually do the same to her as he did to you. I would just pity the OW at this point, but better her than you! :)
Aug 16 - 11AM
betty2020
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OK first off awayfromhim,

OK first off awayfromhim, YOU are the lucky one..not HIM! Dont think for one second that he is happy. Happy people dont abuse others! Unhappy people do. He is always miserable and insecure on the inside. He just puts up the happy mask for the world. He will never be happy. He will never stay in one relationship. He will always prowl and hunt for his next supply. He will never treat anyone, i repeat this ANYONE, that he is in an intimate relationship with any human decency. Its just a matter of time for the new girl. Get your popcorn ready, sit back and enjoy the show...Its sad to think that a few months from now the new girl may be joining us here. Hang in there hun... xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 16 - 7PM (Reply to #14)
faithinthefuture
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What an eye opening statement

What an eye opening statement Betty. Happy people don't abuse others! It's soo simple but soo true! I can't speak for anyone else here but even tho I want NOTHING to do w/him I have this fear I'm going to hear he's moved on & is soo happy! I know that's going to hurt me. I am very curious what's going to happen when I go to his home state to see my daughter and how he's going to react if he sees me. I am trying to get extra strong for that visit so I am able to look right past him & walk right past him & TOTALLY ignore him like he doesn't exist. Just like he has treated me! Oh even tho it's sad the new girl may be, naw...will be joining us that made me laugh out loud! Betty you are awesome and I thank you again for your wisdom and support!
Aug 16 - 2PM (Reply to #12)
awayfromhim
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I know, I know, I know. :-)

I know, I know, I know. :-) I logically know all of this. It's just not connecting today. I truly hate this crap in that I continue to have this internal argument in my head about what's truth and what's not. It really sucks but I guess after 30 years it's not a surprise that I occasionally have my work cut out for me. At least I have many more good days than I did a few months ago. He is also the type to stay in one relationship. He digs in, burrows under the skin, and stays there basically draining everything he can get. He's just such an asshole and I'm way more wrapped up in his crap than I've been in quite some time. As happy as I am to be away from the SOB, I just want someone to know what he is and what he did. This stupid GF moving in thing is throwing me for a loop. Damn.
Aug 16 - 6PM (Reply to #13)
MovinOnUp
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AwayFromHim

I understand, AwayFrom Him. Very hard to be replaced so quickly after a thirty year relationship even if you detest the guy. And I know how difficult it is to watch them walk around like their you know what doesn't stink. The need for others to smell the stench can be overwhelming at times... We know what we know, and that will have to suffice for now. I could blow my N's image to smitherenes (sp) if I chose to go that route. But my adult kids love him, have half his blood running through their veins -- so I restrain myself. And I constantly have to remind myself to be the bigger person, because I know the N is only a child masquerading as an adult. So sorry to hear that this move of his rocked your boat a bit, but it only did because you are a feeling, loving human being who deserves so much better than this Bozo. Love, MovinOnUp
Aug 16 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
Bodhi
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Such a great point...

Before I knew my narc was a narc, I spent a lot of time wondering why he was still trying to hurt my feelings via the internet when we hadn't spoken in over a year. You are right... happy, well adjusted people don't need to hurt others to feel better.
Aug 16 - 3PM (Reply to #10)
ShaynasMommy
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Yeah, Bodhi...

And mine still calls me "Evil" to ppl I don't even know on Facebook 8 YEARS LATER!!! I guess things aren't really working out for him at the moment, you think!?! LOLOL!
Aug 16 - 3PM (Reply to #11)
Bodhi
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LOL

Glad you can find some humor in that!! And I love this point you had in another comment: He's making things out to be so rediculously perfect because he is on the "high" portion of his lifestyle pattern. So true! It's like you were talking about my Ex-narc. His pattern seems to be to get really really really ridiculously excited about something for a solid 6 months until those issues come creeping back into his life.
Aug 16 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
Susan32
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That's what I told my ex-P

After the D&D, after meeting the curator girlfriend (who struck me as a decent person, and if my ex-P were a NORMAL guy, we'd all be friends), my ex-Psych professor claimed that he was a happy person. He said it so unconvincingly, without emotion. He didn't even ATTEMPT to act. I told him that happy people DON'T hurt others in order to be happy. I said that happy people aren't lying, arrogant bullies. Of course, he raged when I told him I wanted him and the OW to have a happy life together, that they were a good fit, and he raged, "You want to be the teacher!" My ex-P ALWAYS acted as if wishing him well was the worst personal violation. I couldn't say "have a nice day" to end a phone conversation. It wasn't allowed. Wishing him a happy birthday was verboten. He seemed to think that being a pessimist makes him sooooo enlightened.
Aug 16 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
Used
Used's picture

betty2020

i have read your post to awayfromhim, and just want to say what a special caring person you are, you put people straight but in such a nice way, and all you said is so truexxx
Aug 16 - 8AM
hopefuljms
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My exN boyfried did the same

My exN boyfried did the same thing. It is definitely a pattern for them. They tend to overlap their relationships so that they are never without the attention they require. My ex got married yesterday after telling me in February that he wanted to marry me so imagine the confusion!! My therapist says 2 steps forward, 1 step back. So just look at it part of the process.
Aug 16 - 6AM
Bodhi
Bodhi's picture

He did not win.

When my Ex-narc started dating his latest victim he moved in with her right away and they were engaged in 5 months, so boy can I relate. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY. Even though it's hard, try to find some validation through all this. You have more evidence now that he is a sick puppy. He did not win and do not think this has anything to do with you or that you did him any favors. Remember that it's all about him... All his decisions revolve around HIM. Well adjusted whole adults take time to let a relationship develop and don't expect someone else to complete them. Narcs love a good honeymoon period and it's the same story over & over again. I'm so happy that it's not you living with an "alcoholic abusive N". You have your life back... be thankful!!
Aug 16 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
awayfromhim
awayfromhim's picture

Thank you. When he went out

Thank you. When he went out and got the GF two weeks after I filed for divorce it felt pretty awful and when he slept out with her for the first time on my birthday that was pretty awful too. What I'm feeling isn't as intense as those things were, it's just, I don't know, he just makes out to anyone, including the kids, how great the relationship is with her and blah, blah, blah. I really need to get a grip and remember that he was an N before I met him, he will not become a better man because I'm not in his life and she is, etc. He has not won, I have, simply by gathering the strength to get away from him. Ack, really need my therapist this week me thinks. :-)
Aug 16 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
Janet
Janet's picture

It is the pattern. The

It is the pattern. The substance abuse just adds fuel to the fire. That gets progressively worse and makes any personality disorder worse as well. I moved out of "our house" last September and the GF moved in around January. At this point she has to be thinking WTF did I get myself into. Just glad I am on the other side of it. They are pathetic creatures and any sane person either see's that now or eventually will. Peace. J

Peace. J

Aug 16 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
Bodhi
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LOL

My therapist was my crutch for such a long time... Don't feel bad for being hurt and needing to process all this, but remember he's not a healhy individual!