Getting sick and physical effects from N

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#1 Jul 10 - 2PM

frances

Getting sick and physical effects from N

Wondered if anyone else has gotten really sick....after leaving the N?
I left him and have been NC for 95 days and one month ago have gotten so sick and cannot seem to shake it? First diagnosed with upper resp infection, that turned into bronchitis...now acute bronchitis.....after three rounds of antibotics and steriods and all kinds of cough syrup...I went back to the dr. for the 3rd time as symptoms arent going away they are getting worse...now diagnosed with double ear infection and tonsilitis.

CRAZY...I have never been this sick, EVER in my 38 years.

I think my N just really lowered my immune system here...the years of stress and crazy making. I look at it as though Im ridding him from my system and I associate the sickness with him...that my body is purging him.

Just wondered if anyone got really sick a month after leaving?

#2 Jul 11 - 11AM

Amy

yes

The last 2 times we broke up, I immediately had sinus infections and staph infections on my legs. The staph was really bad - causes other symptoms and takes a LONG time to heal. This time, I have had stress headaches (which I don't usually get) and sinus issues. HE disappeared at a time when I needed him. I was unemployed for a few months, and just got a new job. He disappeared before the job started - knowing I was nervous about it. I think he did it on purpose - he never supported me. I think he wants to sabotage me. I am working very hard at being successful, and I think it will help rid me of him mentally and physically!

#3 Jul 11 - 7AM

helldweller

stillsinging and others

yes! I forgot: I never, ever have had acne in my adult life, but the day after the brawl I woke up with a huge zit in the middle of my forehead! Of course, I kept touching it and messing with it, and now I have a scar in the MIDDLE OF MY FOREHEAD. I am also another person who mysteriously gained fifteen pounds in the two years since he started acting horribly, with no lifestyle changes to explain it.

#4 Jul 11 - 5AM

awayfromhim

Yes. I had left the marital

Yes. I had left the marital home and after moving, settling in, etc., I took a week off work to just chill. The second day off I started feeling terribly exhausted. I had developed thyroid autoimmune disease years ago so I thought that might be it even though my thyroid had been under control for quite some time. Saw my doc and had labs done. The thyroid was ok but I had several vitamin deficiencies and my adrenals were not working correctly. ALL as a result of stress. What I didn't understand is how could I have gone through all the stress I did without noticing its effects sooner? Why, when I was stuck in the marital home hiding in the guest room, did I not feel this? Doc said that basically the body will run during the stress but when the time comes for repair in certain cases there's not enough left to repair the damage. I've been getting shots for certain vitamins, am on meds for the others and the adrenal problem. It's been two months working on the physical recovery and I am just starting to feel a little bit better. Kinda sucks that not only do I have to recover emotionally, but physically as well.

#5 Jul 11 - 1AM

stillsinging

Great thread, i've been

Great thread, i've been wondering the same. i got a skin infection that lasted for months and have holes on my face to remind me of him forever. now he's out of my life and semi out of my head i expect it to heal up. of course it was my reaction to him rather than just him... i don't want to give him that much power

#6 Jul 11 - 12AM

Susan32

Weight fluctuations

My weight REALLY fluctuated when I was in my "relationship" with my ex-P professor. I lost 40 pounds during my first semester of college... but that could also be chalked up to the awful food at the time. He'd always make comments about my weight, what I was eating, etc. During the D&D, I lost weight. I had to force myself to eat. I was physically and mentally drained. I was also eating very little. (What was weird was that my ex-P, who was big into his looks, was gaining paunch in the last 2 years, he was getting very out of shape) The D&D was like drug withdrawal. All that tension coming out of my system. When I moved back in with my parents, I was ravenous. Then I worked with my ex-N former boss, the food was awful, gained weight back. The past (almost 2) years, I'm back to a healthy weight.

#7 Jul 10 - 10PM

baddream

Yes, Me Too.

I was very sick when my ex N kept playing with my head. During all the d&d, roller coaster cycles I became quite ill. I have an autoimmune digestive disorder that flairs up when I have unresolved conflicts and I was a mess during the years I was with him During the past 15 months of NC, I have not had one single flair up. It is the mind-body connection, and my mind is telling my body it is safe now.

#8 Jul 10 - 8PM

NancyM

Stress effects

Just posting a couple of articles on the effects of stress, and it also has a lot of related links. Interesting reading. http://www.stress.org/topic-effects.htm?AIS=2ad4f0814d4d64867b7bb6500e41ea http://helpguide.org/mental/stress_signs.htm

Nevergoback

#9 Jul 10 - 8PM

Steph

Not uncommon at all. When

Not uncommon at all. When you are stressed your adrenal gland produces cortisol - stress hormone. The frequent high levels of cortisol leads to Adrenal fatigue or insuffiency which can lead to chronic health problems.

#10 Jul 10 - 7PM

enoughalready

After effects

Yes Frances-i've been diagnosed w/ Raynaud's a few months of NC. An autoimmune disease-possiby mixed connective tissues disease. Never had health issues in my life. And my blood pressure has increased significantly. I'm always tired and weak....maybe depressed too. I've always been energetic and a workout freak. Now- I have to push myself to get out of the house.

#11 Jul 10 - 6PM

Imaginary Friend

Nolongerafixer

I love that name! This ordeal has made me nolongerafixer as well! In all areas of my life that was a lesson I needed to learn. I know my body purged what and where it needed to. Did your bleeding ever stop? I was transfused and anemic for months on end. Exhausted and drained, literally. I think my body is awesome. Such an impeccable sense of irony.

#12 Jul 11 - 5AM (Reply to #17)

nolongerafixer

invisigal

Thanks! I`m glad you get it! I seemed to be fixing him for the whole 3.5 years, so once out I was determined to fix it no longer! My bleeding sounds as though it was exactly the same as yours. I think it was because during the initial rollercoaster heaven and hell, i`d suffered so much ambient emotional abuse which became more cruel, in addition to that during the latter part of our relationship, I suffered the physical violence. All his rages I had to argue back at were more and more frequent and beatings which were all due to my questioning him on any questionables wears you down to the point your mind fogs and you lose your initial strength and focus. All the stresses I went through together with leaving him a good few times only to be hoovered back in to rebuild and fight in the ring again in manner of a robot eventually took its toll by my suddenly starting to bleed heavily. At first I thought it was a heavy period, but it went on and on. By the time the doctor took it seriously, my blood test showed up that I was at a critical stage and needed to be rushed into hospital for the transfusion and like you ....had to have heavy iron tablets for 6 months after. After all the negative tests, they gave me some sort of coagulating tablets which I took for 21 days and as I had finally left him (police intervention/changing phone numbers) and was in bed depressed most of that time it helped my body and mind on the first rung of the ladder to healing. When I stopped taking the tablets, I was no longer bleeding going back to normal periods. I was also at this time that I realised after all the times I was by his side giving him support during any crisis he encountered , he had totally opposite reactions to me being in hospital. He even instigated an argument which I was too tired to comply with on my second day out from having the transfusion and as I walked away from him to go lay down asking him to have a think about how insensitive he was being (like you I was totally totally exhausted), he ran up behind me and kicked me hard in the back, poored his tea over me, spat at me and wripped my skirt. How awful was that???? I thought I was going to die on that floor I felt so drained. I promise I didnt instigate it. I was talking quietly and asking him not to pick a fight. It was true proof, he wanted me squashed to pulp which I believe was his aim from day one but I was hoodwinked with the absolute heaven side of his character. Sorry I had to share this in detail. It helps me as it reiterates why I left. Did you stop bleeding? When did you have your problem, during the relationship or afterwards?

#13 Jul 11 - 10AM (Reply to #22)

Imaginary Friend

Telling it is purging it as well

I am glad you feel safe enough and strong enough to speak your truth about how it was. I am finding this helps tremendously in letting it all go. My bleeding started afterwards. I think it was part of the grieving process. I literally could not fathom where all this stuff was coming from. It was surreal. And frightening! That N was not physically violent, just an expert mind-f*cker, user and destructive force in the universe. He is not the only N in my life, as I think is often the case. My family of origin is rife with pathologicals and dysfunction. I am grateful that this particular N had just the right attributes and flavour to open my eyes to the dysfunction in the rest of my life. It's interesting your question about the timing of the bleeding. The crisis in the N situation had occurred a year prior almost to the day. I had broken it off, but I still had intermittent contact, always instigated by me. I was very very stuck, that year was like the year that never happened, as I was completely checked out. I had guessed he was an N, but thought the real trouble was his rampant drug relapse. Never felt that I had closure. As I grieved that relationship for the next year, there was a domino effect in my life with all the other N's. The bleeding started during the crisis of THOSE dysfunctional relationships. Between the D&D by my family of origin and return of prodigal spouse, who I have only begun to realize in the past few days, is probably a N. Several months later, after the bleeding had stopped, I reached out to the N after 7 months of NC. Instead of the usual indifference, he was aroused again and we commenced frequent contact again. I saw all the patterns emerge, from a distance this time, without the same emotional content. I got my closure. At one point I told him about the bleeding and said that there are some things that there are not enough tears to grieve. Sometimes something more is needed. He made affirming and empathetic noises as was usual. Whatta vampire. A few weeks later, after I had refused to help him financially, I found that he had been grooming his next source from the time I reached out to him Wow. I see now that am going to have to share my story.

#14 Jul 12 - 10AM (Reply to #23)

nolongerafixer

invisigal

"It was surreal and frightening". I used to use those exact words to describe what was happening. SURREAL. So unbelievable. Thats why I would questioned myself - did I really see that? Did that really happen? Was I over imagining it? Living daily with his constant contradictory actions didnt`t help. Even down to simple things at the lower end of the scale like: he said he`d do something but then didnt, or said he definately wouldnt do something but then went ahead and did it, raged he never ever lied but lied consistently, says he loves you and treats you like a princess yet alongside this he treats you like he hates you, devaluing and demeaning you behind your back................. the list of constant contradictions goes on and on. Total mindf***k. Normal........ living with....... abnormal? Impossible! Im sorry you`ve had a history of dealing with pathologicals. This means you are one intelligent, strong, top lady to be where you are now and `getting it`. Well done. Keep climbing that ladder of healing to a better, happier, safer place where you can grow within yourself. You know you`re better than these idiots. Never doubt yourself for one minute. Dont let anyone pull you down again. Out of all this I`ve also learned to choose friends and family very wisely. I have managed to do this and im so much better off for it. Your happiness is the most important thing now. If someone continues to make you unhappy - get rid. You dont need them in your uphill climb out of the hell youve endured. You want happy, security, trust, self fulfillment, positive progression, healthy love - not unhappy, destablisation, soul destroying, deceipt, betrayals. How can we possibly progress in the negative. Typical of all of them when you aren`t 100% available to them mind, body and soul as God forbid you can`t take their b***s*** anymore and you are at your most vulnerable- they`re on the look out for a new victim. You are then having to deal with the double whammy of pain of them being unsupportive and using this particular time to cheat/betray and replace you, in the flick of a lightswitch. All that relationshp building with them means zilch. I`m glad you`re back to normal with your bleeding now and I think it would be a good idea to share your story as it also helps you feel so much better when you write it all down.

#15 Jul 11 - 5AM (Reply to #20)

NancyM

nolongerafixer

Look this stuff happened to so many of us. Not trying to take anything away from you, when I was 23 I bled for 6 weeks. Did he care?? No. I apparently was denying him sex...but it did not stop him from visiting the local whorehouse. It was quite famous where we lived..I am hearing you!

Nevergoback

#16 Jul 12 - 11AM (Reply to #21)

nolongerafixer

NancyM

Yes.....they are wired the same. Poor you for 6 weeks. You have to be perfectly 100% on top for them to feed off otherwise they are off to get their fix elsewhere. Horrible stressful way to live. When I once had cystitis for just under two weeks and taking antibiotics for it, I couldnt have sex as it was a little painful. He moaned a lot. No sympathy for the burning pain I had, just moaned he was being denied. I found hed been on the computer getting in touch with porn girls and giving them his telephone number so they could text dirty and he could contact them. So I am hearing you too:) :(

#17 Jul 11 - 5AM (Reply to #18)

better off

Oh, you poor thing. That is

Oh, you poor thing. That is horrible... it never ceases to amaze me how they will kick you when you are down, and he LITERALLY kicked you!! After being in the hospital. A complete monster. The saddest part of your story is that you felt you had to say "I promise I didn't instigate it." Of course you didn't. And there is NOTHING a woman could DO that would rationally provoke a man to such a brutal attack, including being spat on. I'm so sorry you suffered that, and I'm so glad you got away from him. ((((((nolongerafixer))))))

#18 Jul 12 - 11AM (Reply to #19)

nolongerafixer

better off

Thank you for pointing that out. Of course, no woman should get a kicking even if she started a row. You`re absolutely right. xx

#19 Jul 10 - 5PM

Lisa E. Scott

Frances

Oh yes, I got horribly sick. Emotional trauma does affect us physically without a doubt. It kills our immune system and makes us susceptible to so many medical issues. I had an auto-immune response that caused severe inflammation in my joints to the point that I could not walk for a month. It was terrifying. My parents had to move me and my cat back into their home for a month because I could not move around or take care of myself or my cat. Finally, after a month, I slolwy got the ability to walk again with a cane and eventually fully recovered, but it was hell. I had dreams about walking and running through fields. The subconscious is an amazing thing. Oh, and this happened the year of my divorce. My EXNH came over to my parents to see me. He saw how sick I was and went MIA for weeks. Prior to that he was trying to win me back. Once he saw that I was weak, pathetic and sick, he ran for the hills. Nice, huh? This is how they respond to anyone's illness. They can't be bothered with it. Until he came to see me at my parents, he was professing his undying love for me and trying to win me back. After he came and saw me in such a weak condition, I didn't hear from him for weeks.

#20 Jul 11 - 2AM (Reply to #14)

broken23

"He saw that I was weak,

"He saw that I was weak, pathetic and sick, he ran for the hills. Nice, huh? This is how they respond to anyone's illness. They can't be bothered with it" Exactly! The lack of compassion is truly mindblowing. so sorry you had to go through that. youre an amazing person. After my surgery, i was bleeding and bleeding, to the point the doctors thought i need a transfusion...he is in med school...he also couldnt be bothered. not only that since i couldnt give him the attention, well ofcourse he got another girl to kiss his ass. then he blamed me for being sick, that i dont take care of myself. god i hate him!!!

#21 Jul 11 - 11AM (Reply to #15)

Lisa E. Scott

Broken23

Yes, isn't it mindblowing? To think, yours - who was in med school - could not even be bothered? WTF? It just shows the depth of their pathology. I'm so sorry for what you went through with that f*cker!

#22 Jul 10 - 4PM

loveofmylife

sick too

I've been NC for about one week now....it was an ugly ending. And I have been nauseated daily and very, very dizzy. Can't concentrate on anything.... just feel blah...like I will never feel connected to anyone again.

#23 Jul 11 - 4AM (Reply to #11)

better off

When I first saw the depth

When I first saw the depth of the sham... and I knew it was irrevocably over.. I came down with everything under the sun. I felt like I had literally been run over by a car or something, my whole body hurt. I felt very disoriented after discovering the truth about him, like things didn't feel quite real. That kind of thing, and the symptoms you are describing about not feeling connected or having the ability to connect is PTSD. And you, like me, are in a situation where you pretty much have to keep it to yourself. Makes it even worse I think. I hope you can find some counseling soon to cope with PTSD... you really need that help. Meanwhile I highly recommend this site.. there is a daily reading and journal exercise... it helped me so much: www.healmyptsd.com and look for the healing bridge workshop

#24 Jul 11 - 12PM (Reply to #12)

loveofmylife

Thanks for the website

I actually have my first appt with a therapist that specializes in N on Wed. The one Janet recommended. Thanks Janet! this time around is easier for me than three years ago. Three years ago, I wanted out of my marriage and to be with N so bad that it triggered the one year of clinical depression. I was unable to sit for 5 months, my sciatic nerve was so inflamed. So therefore, no work for almost one year! Unreal for a physically fit and highly functional person! Drugs I couldn't believe I would ever take. No sleep. Actually wound up in the Pain Center at Mayo Clinic; my whole body hurt for so long - I thought there was something very seriously wrong with me. But I think back then I felt like I was spiraling out of control and there was no hope. Across country from N; "trapped" in a marriage with no emotional connection and, getting mixed messages from N that I would literally spend hours/day trying to "decode" (intrusive thoughts I now know). Hours of super deep and heartfelt conversations with N; where at the end of the conversation he would say something like "you have to decide on your own" or "i can't let my heart/head go to you" when we just had the deepest, heartfelt 2 hour/day for weeks marathon conversations of my life! I was completely lost and confused. I think it is different this time, because I understand better what is going on and I took control of the situation and ended it, on my terms. So I'm not confused about what is going on or why it ended. So my symptoms are incredibly mild compared to before... but I am still very scared about never being connected to anyone again.

#25 Jul 10 - 6PM (Reply to #10)

hitandrun

Sick when I was with him

I was ALWAYS getting sick when I was with the Disordered One. I mean, stuff I NEVER had before like gurd and not being able to breath. Heart palpatations,random bugs, UTI. Oh, and I started BINGING... not an activity I engaged in before. Gained 40lbs, too. Now all of that is magically gone. I'm sure I've forgotten some of the weird stuff my body went through. Oh yeah..PINK EYE! Never had that before...WTF? The week he left me I had massive nosebleeds. Again, never had them before...not even as a child. Since he's D&D'd me(4 months ago) I have not been sick once...unless you call the heartache sickness. Yes, I got depressed,am grieving, dry heaves for awhile and wanted to sleep all the time.That is a pretty normal reaction to being traumatized. But I have not been physically ill like when I was with him(no colds, no bugs, etc.) When I look back, I think I was depressed when I was with him and refusing to acknowledge it. Interesting isn't it? Can you say "energy suck?" It's not just stress, though taking your energy causes stress. Never would've believed a person could have this effect on you until he left and the illnesses STOPPED.

#26 Jul 10 - 4PM

gettingbetter

ill regularly

About a year into the relationship I started getting hives, insomnia, rashes, colds, flu, constant fatigue. Was a healthy woman before he arrived, and he left me a physical wreck diagnosed with major depressive disorder.

#27 Jul 10 - 3PM

smileyfacepr

I had

all kinds of pain and discomforts while I was with him, pain in my joints and headaches, now 1 yr later those terrible joint pains r gone, I get normal headaches, but I was sick to my nerves and stomach while I was with him and without him because of the breakup..now on antidepressants and this wk I really feel them kicking in...How can they fuck us up so badly! I think its awsome ur looking at it like ur purging him, thats a positive attitude!!

smileyfacepr

#28 Jul 10 - 3PM

ewa

I was getting sick almost

I was getting sick almost every month while being with N. Especially last year, when we were living together. Since i have moved out I havent been sick 7 months now. So for me opposite.

#29 Jul 10 - 2PM

helldweller

Getting sick

I had pancreatitis, my blood pressure doubled in one year, I developed a tic in my left eye, and besides that I do not have full range of motion in my right arm because of the battering last month. I also had blood in my urine for months for no reason the doctors could discover.

#30 Jul 10 - 2PM

Happy1

My N has broken up with me

My N has broken up with me so many times and I've always felt like I was on eggshells. I've gotten many yeast infections, flu like symptoms, throwing up a lot from stress and the latest has been these uncontrollable shakes and muscle jerking movements.

#31 Jul 10 - 2PM

Imaginary Friend

Definitely

I had massive uterine bleeding and pain for months, non-stop. 4 specialists and batteries of tests failed to determine a physical reason. When I "got it," the bleeding stopped. Coincidence? I think not! My body knows what it needs to purge, and from where.

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