Getting Ready to Bolt

Well, I think I finally understand that he is not fixable. I've been married to him for 11.5 years and his attacks only get more personal, belittling, and humiliating. I am a Christian and he claims to be a Christian, but I really have my doubts. I didn't know when I married him that he was a Narc. He seemed responsible and hard-working, well he is but there is another side to him. He seems to particularly enjoy making me cry on special days, like this past Mother's Day. He's also done the same thing on my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, the day I brought our baby daughter home from the hospital, when on vacation in Florida.

I noticed he always lost his temper with me when I helped him with one of his projects, like changing the oil in the car or puttying up drywall or assembling a big wheel or putting a barbecue grill together. The list of things I've helped him with goes on, but you get the idea. I was expected to help, which at first I didn't mind. I knew men lose their temper, my Dad did alot too. But just about every time my husband lost it. I dreaded any time I knew he was going to work on a project because I was going to become his verbal punching bag. As time went on, I started standing up to him as I could see the pattern. I was holding the flashlight for him when he was changing the oil and he jerks my hand around and shines it on another spot and yells "RIGHT HEEERRRE! I just dropped the flashlight and walked in the house. I told him he is not going to treat me like Edith Bunker. He claims he never watched the show.

So on Mother's Day we get back from church and I'm getting ready to cook steaks on the grill so I crack a beer (it always goes together well with grillin'and a verbally abusive husband) and he starts telling me I'm a drunk, I shouldn't be teaching Sunday School or leading a worship team and he didn't think I was going to Heaven. He is quoting the Bible saying that drunkards won't go to Heaven. I told him of course I'm not a drunkard and I am going to Heaven. Now this is a man that used to drink and would get drunk, ended up in a mental facility when he was 19 for overdosing on LSD and a lot of other baggage he's not too proud of. He just quit drinking alcohol a couple of years ago, I think because this was going to be his next thing to verbally abuse me about. So he's shouting all these humiliating things at me while the neighbor girl and my daughter are in the same room, both of them are in my Sunday School class, the windows and doors of the house are all open.

He has humiliated me for the last time. There are so many things to tell about him. I'll write more later. But in my case, my Narc doesn't withhold the physical relationship which some narcs do, but I am totally repulsed by him. I have not been able to have a normal relationship with him in that area for a very long time because he so mean and very personal with his attacks. He hates my family and has alienated me from alot of things. I am getting my ducks in a row and leaving the weak after next. Don't know whether to tell him or let it be a suprise.