Getting Flowers

21 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 19 - 7AM

betty2020

Getting Flowers

I cried reading this today thinking about all the times i forgave and appreciating the fact i survived.

I Got Flowers Today

I got flowers today.
It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night,
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn't believe it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today,
And it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
And it was much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I'm afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered enough courage
and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers...today.

#2 Oct 17 - 3AM

desprathousewife

OMG Betty, that could have

OMG Betty, that could have been ME. Thankyou so much for this sad and beautiful poem. 'a beautiful flower begins its life in the dirt' Us flowers don't want to end up back there because of these monsters :(

#3 Oct 16 - 10PM

betty2020

only one way to go...Forward

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#4 Aug 2 - 12AM

helldweller

Worse every time

For all those not with alcoholics or drug addicts, yes it is the same with these people. Every time you go back, just like every time the alcoholic drinks again or the addict uses again: it's worse. The reason I finallly divorced my ex husband the alcholic was because I realized I was making it worse by taking him back. All the sessions I sat through with my ex husband they warned,If he starts again ever it will be as if he never stopped. He will need as much as he would have needed if he'd never stopped. So if he stops and needs a fifth to get drunk and then starts again ten years later, he'll need two fifths and a bottle of wine. I have seen it happen with the narc. The need--and the response to your intolerance--is exponentially higher based on the time elapsed. My n never had a physcially violent relationship, and I honestly believe that he never had the enabling woman to plug into who would take the emotional abuse long enough to let it progress to that. My ex husband--not a narc but bipolar--started by following me when we would have a fight and I'd try to go to bed and not fight. My priest told me: following you will eventually lead to physical hell. Sure enough, he eventually beat me and set fire in our church. This guy, my narc, he and I have watched his life unravel more and more the longer I have tolerated him. He is stunned: "baby, no one ever ruined my reputation the way you have." And I think," Baby, no one ever let you."

#5 Aug 1 - 12PM

faithinthefuture

Wow!

When I think that my relationship w/XN was bad I read this and know I am one of the lucky ones! It's true they do get worse every time we go back to them. I'm thankful for getting out when I did. But the poor women who don't. My heart breaks for them. For the one(s)in this story....they are in a safer happier bettr place.

#6 Aug 1 - 3PM (Reply to #16)

almostlydia

I missed this before - how

I missed this before - how powerful and so, so sad. That was my experience as well, it gets worse every time you go back until....I think about all those who will never get to post here either. I remember hearing some horrific statistic as to how many per day. One thing I understand about physical abusers is that they start with the mental and emotional abuse and work towards the physical. So as often as I had that thought about how I would rather be hit so at least the abuse would be obvious, I know it doesn't work that way at all. In the end when he did hurt me physically, I was in a state of total shell shock - as if I had completely left my body and it was just moving thru the motions. Not a pretty site. I buy myself flowers too, every week.

almostlydia

#7 Aug 1 - 5PM (Reply to #17)

Susan32

The ex-Psychopath

My ex-Psychopath professor was emotionally/mentally abusive. In retrospect, I can see why my mother was so afraid for me when I was involved with him... (although our involvement never reached the romantic/sexual level) She feared that the emotional abuse would escalate into physical abuse.. that I'd end up injured or dead. He was a psychopath... which is a terminal illness compared to the flu that is narcissism. I can't believe how I let my ex-P get away with emotionally abusing me... and he'd often do it as public humiliation, in front of everyone, NOT present a "nice guy" image and save the abuse for behind closed doors. He thought that mentally overpowering me showed how he was the TEACHER, reducing me to tears was "tough love"... and that could've escalated. Every day I can thank God that I'm alive.

#8 Jul 19 - 1PM

Steph

Very powerful. Thank you for

Very powerful. Thank you for sharing:)

#9 Jul 19 - 1PM

Janet

Now when I want flowers - I

Now when I want flowers - I buy them. Peace. J

Peace. J

#10 Jul 19 - 2PM (Reply to #13)

Lisa E. Scott

Flowers

Janet - I buy flowers for myself too. I love it!

#11 Jul 19 - 1PM (Reply to #12)

betty2020

Yep thats how we roll

Yep thats how we roll today.... xoxoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#12 Jul 19 - 9AM

Happy1

This is so scary and true.

This is so scary and true. I can see how we constantly forgive our N's and take them back and they lash out worse each time we go back to them. This is very sad.

#13 Aug 1 - 3PM (Reply to #10)

happydaysahead

Definitely...

Every time, they come back the rules just change a little bit more. Until finally the rules are so ridiculously stupid that we finally have had enough and that's when they leave, when we have got them figured out or start to question some of the things they do !! I never had any physical violence, thank God, but the emotional mindf*ck was sometimes worse, I think. And the sad thing is, is that I knew it was not right, but yet I kept taking him back over and over and was just hoping for the day when he would finally get it and finally change. But now I know that that is NEVER going to happen and that day is NEVER going to come.

#14 Jul 19 - 1PM (Reply to #6)

betty2020

It really does get worse

It really does get worse when you go back a second or third time. You thought he couldnt have devalued you any worse the first time but then you go back and just wait! At this point they not only have no respect for you period but they actually loath and disgust you for being what they percieve to be as weak target. They look at you and think, "your such an idiot to allow anyone to do this to you, that you derserve anything i dish out". I think of how bad the psychological abuse was in the end. Never knowing where I stood with the Narc. Always on eggshells. Taking all of his stealth ambient abuse in on a daily bases as it completely destroyed my self worth. These are the things we should never forget. I love the last three lines. Some never do get out they just expire. We are the lucky ones Happy....luv ya only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#15 Jul 19 - 7PM (Reply to #9)

Happy1

You are so right

You are so right Betty2020! The N's really and truly do get worse each and every time we return. I am trying not to understand him anymore and just trying to accept that it's really truly over this time. We have broken up and gotten back together more times than I can remember but it was 'me' begging for him back each and every time. I my as well have just said. Please take me back Narc so you can abuse me even worse. I don't mind and willing to take what you have to dish out obviously. The psychological abuse in the end was the worst ever! I'm so glad it's over. The last 3 lines really hit hard. We are the lucky ones. luv ya back! Happy1

#16 Jul 19 - 1PM (Reply to #7)

Amy

Betty

This comment is spot on: They look at you and think, "your such an idiot to allow anyone to do this to you, that you derserve anything i dish out". Mine told me "you knew how I was before we got engaged" - as if to say he's an asshole and I should just accept that!

#17 Jul 19 - 1PM (Reply to #8)

betty2020

Amy, That is exactly what he

Amy, That is exactly what he told you in Narc lingo and exactly what he meant. Im an Asshole and you better like it or else! only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#18 Jul 19 - 9AM

Used

betty

wow, just wow, this so resonated with me with ex husbanb, i use to look at him and think he will kill me next time, then gifts and sorry,s and back to square one, this end bit of this poem made me shudder,

#19 Jul 19 - 7PM (Reply to #2)

NancyM

Goosebumps all over

Yes it is a great reminder for all of us that we are the lucky ones. We don't hear the real horror stories, the really tragic ones, because they never make it to the boards. They are just another statistic.

Nevergoback

#20 Jul 19 - 8PM (Reply to #3)

betty2020

Your absoutely right Nancy

Your absoutely right Nancy and the thought of this made me cry today. I havent cried in some time and i thought i was out of tears but apparantly not. This is what we are working on changing by building the awarness and reaching out to the victims that are still suffering. Our support group will be such a great resource to do this with. I always look forward to reading your post....xoxoxox Only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#21 Jul 19 - 10PM (Reply to #4)

NancyM

Thanks betty

Being in an opposite time zone, by the time I get to the board most of you have made all the amazing recommendations and comments that I don't feel the need to post:) Sounds like you are powering ahead ..good on you..xo

Nevergoback

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