Furious

15 posts / 0 new

#1 May 25 - 9PM

malloryforest

Furious

STBXNH just left my house. What an a- -. Remember how he sent me all the emails how he didn't want divorce, and wanted reconciliation? Well, I am glad I stayed firm to the divorce. Next weekend, he is bringing GF home to meet mama! FOr someone who was really questionsing their choices, he is jumping right in to making it work. For someone who doesn't want her children, he is moving straight ahead. For someone who really wanted our marriage to work again, it is amazing how quickly he changed his tune, back to his GF.

I told him to please leave my house. Say goodnight to the boy, and leave my home. He wouldn't, and I told him to get the F--k out or I would call the police. He told me I had an anger problem, and wanted to know when I would get over it. I told him it was my choice how I heal, and he has no right to tell me that i should be over what he has done to his family. I am sorry I went on to tell him that I know longer love him, have no respect for him and just want him out of my house.

I told him the best way for me to heal if he was so concerned was to have as little contact with him as possible.

I am crying. I am angry. I am hurt. And I am just sickened that last weekend this slime ball could ask for me to move back to our old state with the kids because he wants a reconciliation, and this week tell me he is taking GF home to mom.

THe whole thing sickens me. Please help me calm my nerves. He honestly thinks there is nothing wrong with this about face. Is there something wrong with being able to want me and then want her?

#2 May 26 - 2PM

Carolyn

It isn't ever going to

It isn't ever going to change. She will be where you are today -very soon. the best way to deal with this nervous and stress re-action is to try excercise, try valerian you can get it in a health food store, and try Lisa's NO CONTACT ever rule. He should not have the power to make you upset like this. He just likes negative and conflictive situations. This narcissisim is established as genetic so mom is probably not much better. You are free and going on with your life, the 'other woman' is walking into an inferno thinking it is heaven.

#3 May 25 - 10PM

Fawn

Yo yo

So sorry Mallory, I have been exactly where you are and it hurts like hell. You did do exactly the right thing by refusing to cave in and believe his bs last weekend. Narcissists enjoy playing with peoples' emotions. It is pure entertainment and ego feeding for them. He is stringing the gf along, and obviously doesn't care about her, but still wants to see if he can get a rise out of you. Him telling you that you have an anger control issue is so typical. They love to pull some completely outrageous stunt and then wait for you to react so that they can feel superior in their lack of emotion. Steel yourself Mallory, because he will be ramping it ip even more to try and get you to react. As far as your mother-in-law goes, she sounds like a real peach! Don't you know that she is probably very disappointed in her son? She would never admit that to you, but seriously, what mother is proud of her adult son who walks away from his wife and kids, has an affair with a married woman, breaks up two families, moves in this tramp, and he wants to take her home to Mom? Seriosly, are they going to trade recipes? Make a quilt together? I have wondered many times if my in-laws have met the babysitter. How can you condone that kind of behavior? When you are a narcissist yourself, or mentally Ill Or just trashy. You are free to walk away from the chaos and the nastiness. You can make a beautiful life for yourself and your children.

#4 May 25 - 11PM (Reply to #8)

malloryforest

dcrutche

I can't believe mother in law would allow that woman into her house. I would have flown kids to her house to celebrate her birthday. Throughout this whole thing, I have taken kids to their grandmas and stayed with them for a few days. I believe the kids have a right to their grandma, and their grandma has a right to them. So, he asks his GF to celebrate his mom's b-day, verses inviting his children to visit their grandma on her birthday. Nice priorities once againg. In terms of mom-in-law, I think she is devestated that she doesn't see kids. She cries whenever she is on the phone with me. At the same time, she blames me for her sons behavior. She also told me how unfair it is that so many of STBXNH's friends don't talk to him anymore. One of his best friends for the past 20 years will no longer speak to him, and in fact he is not allowed into their house. WHen mom in law found out, she asked if they were practicing jews, cause only religious people would think that they are morally superior. She is a hardcore atheist. I just can't believe he is taking her home. Not because he is taking her there, but because just last weekend he was begging for us to make our marriage work. What a phony.

#5 May 26 - 7AM (Reply to #13)

Barbara (not verified)

mallory

What a phony. EVERYTHING about him is phony. EVERY THING! do you see what I mean when I say "if their lips are moving, they're lying?" begging for marriage to work = I don't want to pay alimony or child support! Did you get the marital assets frozen????? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#6 May 26 - 1AM (Reply to #9)

Fawn

Monster-in-law

I guess we have to remember that their mothers are partially to blame for their narcissism anyway. Your monster-in- law just wants her baby boy there for her birthday at whatever cost. Sounds like you are being nice to your kids' grandma, but I think that if she is going to let gf in her house, you need to let her know that you WONT be back. It is your h's responsibility to make sure that the children see their grandma, not yours. Quit letting her manipulate you and don't give her any more information. My in-laws are Atheists too. Interesting, isn't it? They think that they are too smart to be religious or even spiritual. I have never judged them for that, but it is glaringly obvious now that my h was raised without ANY morals, values, or boundaries. Not that you must be religious to have those, but they have NOTHING! They told my brother-in-law that they were baptizing him themselves in their hot tub when he was a little boy and wanted to go to church bc all of his friends did. They also smoke pot. (I'm talking about the grandparents here). My father-in-law is a daily user. So basically, they are crazy. So glad to not have to deal with them anymore! Walked away--never looked back on that one.

#7 May 26 - 7AM (Reply to #10)

Barbara (not verified)

Dcrutche

Sometimes the mothers are to blame. Sometimes its the Dad... Sometimes it's just in the genes. I have used pot for my chronic pain but NEVER NEVER NEVER where my kids could see or smell it. EVER. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#8 May 26 - 9AM (Reply to #12)

malloryforest

Barbara...

Smoking pot for medicinal reasons is totally different in my book. My ex has NO pain issues, or cancer, or eating issues or anything that pot is used as a medicinal tool. My ex is an addict, who gave up one drug, and picked up a new one, pot. He also tore into me continuously for not doing it with him. Sorry, won't smoke with an addict in denial.

#9 May 26 - 9AM (Reply to #11)

malloryforest

Barbara...

#10 May 25 - 11PM (Reply to #7)

quietude (not verified)

support

..anytime mallory...we're all here to support each other! I was a walking zombie for the first couple of weeks, I honestly don't know how I got through work...Like you, I was sooo ANGRY (still am in some ways, which is very O.K.), hurt, confused, betrayed, etc...Let yourself feel all of it, we've been exposed to very sick people, how can anyone expect us to feel anything less? For the first time in a long time, I was able to react the way I wanted to....I was getting the old me back! Drutche is so right. Knowing that we are capable of having a FULL & HAPPY life still - turning your back on the drama and chaos.... they are NEVER truly able to do that! I escaped before he dragged me down so far that I couldn't get back up. When I was going to my therapist, she said, 'you know, this isn't the best time to tell you this, but you are lucky'. At first, I didn't feel that way, but I completely get why she said that now!

#11 May 25 - 10PM

Elena

Malloryforest!

Malloryforest, He's been a fake all along. He thinks there's nothing wrong with what he's doing, because he's seeing what he's doing through his distorted and perverse lens. And it's not about wanting you and then her, it's about making a decision that meets his selfish needs and wants. He only cares about himself. So whatever it takes to accomplish that, that's how he will proceed. My ex-narcissist also didn't think there was anything wrong with his actions and decisions. I totally understand how you feel, I felt so angry too when he first told me he was 100% committed to making things work, and just 4 days later, I discover all the emails telling his new girl that he was going to divorce me after the new year's. Of course I was very angry and hurt as well! I had the right to be, who will be calm after realizing you have been fooled and betrayed. I actually went into such shock that I became numb for a few days. My counselor confronted me about it, because I had shut down my feelings, and keeping myself shut down long-term is not healthy. I needed to allow myself to feel what I was going through, so that the grief process could run its course. Being angry is so normal in a situation like this. I don't think it's fair to expect a different reaction under the present circumstances. Regarding him telling you that you have an anger problem, this is his way of shifting responsibility and blame to you, when he's the one betraying and leaving his family; how convenient. Move forward, and leave him behind, let someone else deal with his poor character and dysfunctional self. And the new girl is not getting anyone good, she's getting the same fake man you had.

#12 May 25 - 10PM

quietude (not verified)

mallory

Oh, poor dear...I'm so sorry! NO - there is nothing wrong with you, you need to keep repeating this to yourself, out-loud if necessary! There is no making sense of why they do things, they are ABNORMAL. HE is SICK, SICK, SICK! The sooner I understood that, the sooner I started to heal. I used to say, HOW could he ask me to marry him, and then HOW could he put off the wedding date? He's the one who asked, he's the one who wanted to talk about the details...And then finally, HOW could he leave me with just a DEAR JOHN note? What did I do wrong??? The answer is I did nothing wrong, and neither did you. This gf is just another object to him, believe me when I say, one day she'll be asking herself 'why' too! Next, I am very proud of you for sticking up for yourself and letting him know you aren't going to deal with his sick bull**** anymore. That is HUGE! But now that you've said it, the less contact, the better. This is so important in your healing. I know you have kids, but there are ways to really minimize the exposure. Mallory, I KNOW IT HURTS! But I have seen great strides from you in just the last several weeks. You are already growing and getting your power back. It's a painful process, but I promise it gets better. Keep coming on here and venting if you have to, anything that helps! (hugs)

#13 May 25 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

malloryforest

Quietude

Thank you for your response and your encouragement. They have such an unbelievalbe way of manipulating. It is so easy to walk away from them feeling like you are the crazy one. THanks for sharing that you are proud of me for standing up for myself. It is so hard to do, and once you do they always make you feel like there is something wrong with you for not putting up with their bullshit. Last year, after I found out about GF, he took me and kids on vacation to celebrate our family working through his affair. Halfway through the vacation, I picked up his cell phone and saw over 50 email to GF throughout our "celebratory vacation." All the emails were sexually explicit. I remember reading them, vomiting, and shaking uncontrollably. When I confronted him...I had an ager problem. He wanted to continue vacation, and left for the beach as I was packing up the car...when we got home, he crawled into bed with my son and refused to leave. I was beyond angry. Now mind you, I am a very gentle, overly empathetic person, who avoids confrontation. THat night, seeing him cuddling with one of our sons made me sick. I went outside, it was the middle of the nigt, and I started smashing our dinner plates. Wrong...yes, and i was so full of rage I didn't know what to do. Tonight as I was asking him to leave my house, he kept on saying, what are you going to throw? It was like, throwing a couple of plates, although not right, had any comparrison to all the crap he did to me and the kids over the past two years. It just amazes me, how they can turn things around! I can't talk to this man,look at this man,. anything. I can't believe how little respect I have for him. I honestly am so disgusted by him. I remeber he walked in to pick up the kids this weekend, and he looked like an aging, sick reptile. I am sorry to vent.

#14 May 25 - 10PM (Reply to #3)

Fawn

Disgust is good

Disgust and anger and seeing him as the reptile he is will help you so much, Mallory. He is unworthy of you.

#15 May 25 - 11PM (Reply to #4)

grossot

right thing

Mallory u r doing the right thing and empowering me actually. I want to b as strong as you. U may not feel it at the time u r standing up to him but it will b worth it. Before long we will all b consoling gf on this site but at least the control/manipulation will shift from u at some point. Hang in. U can do it. nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

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