FORGIVENESS
FORGIVENESS
I am so tired of the grief cycle, I could scream. I just want to be done with the whole fffff thing.
But that's not the way this thing works. It's work. It's plugging ahead. It's sadness, then rage, then denial, then sadness again. I hate it.
I realized this morning, that I need to forgive. Not myself, him.
I did nothing wrong. I loved him. I took care of him to a fault. I mothered him, supported him,,,,bluh bluh, bluh.
I need to forgive him. To move on, to end this cycle of crap, I need to forgive him. Not forget, I will never forget. But to forgive him and let him go.
The rage and hatred was keeping me tied to him. I will never speak to him, like a human. He is not one. He is an empty shell, a man with no soul. But I want to move on. So forgive I will. Not in love, but in self preservation. I do this for me not him.
And just like the rest of the grief cycle, I bet I will have to do this over and over.
Yes, I made a bad decision, deciding to love him, but what was my motive? My motive was love. And I do need to forgive myself for staying in an abusive relationship, but as soon as I realized what I was dealing with, I let go....with claw marks.
For me forgiveness, letting the whole fucking mess go. Today. Love you girls. Thanks for listening.
Jen
I guess I'm not there yet and
Jen
still not a 'cure all' for heartache
momoya
Can't make peace!
yeah
Jen