First day back at work in same office as ex..

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#1 Jan 3 - 4PM
mandathepanda
mandathepanda's picture

First day back at work in same office as ex..

I was as nervous as hell, as it was the first time I have seen him since before xmas and I decided it was well and truly over but I have been good at sticking with no contact. I took a bag of his belongings with me, and left them under his desk and felt completely ok when I saw him, which pleasantly surprised me. He looked unwell, has started smoking again (he had given up for a long while) and seeing his face actually just reminded me of the things he had done. The day went well, he played the sad act and I got on with my work..

Then, when I got home I had a text message saying, "I see the camera and the drill were missing...but hey, keep them on the house".

I know it was designed to wind me up, and I should have ignored but I reacted by saying that it was a shame I couldnt bill him for emotional damage.

I then got "you have no idea how hurt I feel by the all this, NO idea...I go from being wonderful to the shittest thing on the planet..."

And then I end up feeling crap again, the doubts set in, and I wonder was it me...misinterpreting his actions, his intentions, not being understanding enough? In his words "only seeing the negative never the positive". He was never, not for a long while "wonderful" in my eyes..I expressed my concerns to varying degrees many times over the last year or so and he always reacted with either indifference at best and anger at worst.

Arrggghhh :-(

Jan 4 - 8AM
janemarie
janemarie's picture

The next time you come across

The next time you come across his belongings...throw them out!!! He left them behind on purpose...they are very calculated people!! It's bad enough you have to see his "fake" pity party...and ya know what?? if it's not fake....his saddness comes from himself not having a supply right now....NOTHING to do with you...sad reality but VERY true!!! You cant quit your job, but you CAN BLOCK him so he cant play with your head!!!! If you BLOCK him you will not have the urge to answer him back...which is what HE wants...why not doing what YOU want for a change....and that is to heal and not feel pain any longer....dont you deserve that?!?!? xoxo
Jan 4 - 8AM (Reply to #8)
HardToBelieve
HardToBelieve's picture

Belongings..

''The next time you come across his belongings...throw them out!!! He left them behind on purpose...they are very calculated people!!'' What is it about leaving their belowings scattered everywhere? My ex-narc left his toothbrush, load of clothes, perfume, towel and even a pair of shoes in my house the first night. Did he do this to mark his territory and ''pee'' all over my house to make sure he has a reason to come back? I always wondered this.
Jan 3 - 8PM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

He's

playing the pity card. BOO HOO! It' all an act. Including not looking well. It's tough having to see them at work. I haven't had to see the ex in 3 weeks and I healed 10X faster than when I have to see him. Don't drop your guard EVER! Trust me- He may look pitiful, but he's full of anger and he'll bite so don't give him any opportunity.
Jan 3 - 4PM
mandathepanda
mandathepanda's picture

Just thought of a question too....

Sorry just thought of a question, I was surely not good narcissistic supply any more, as I questioned so many things he did and told him that he wasnt what I wanted any more? Why does he look forlorn and sad and say he is hurt by that?? Shouldn't he be glad its over?????
Jan 4 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

They are actors and the world

They are actors and the world is their stage. Don't fall for the forlorn look. We, as women, have been know to bat an eyelash or two at times, to get something we want, trying to be cute, no? He is trying to get what he wants, period. He feels nothing, not sadness, not hurt. The only hurt and sadness he feels, is that that was inflicted upon him as a child, its his real pain, that is it, he feels nothing else for noone else.
Jan 3 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

How he looks is of no concern

How he looks is of no concern to you.. Drugs and Alcohol do that to people.. There is only ONE rule in Narcville NO CONTACT.. Guess what you started it by giving him his things back.. Contact = Pain Hunter Hunter
Jan 3 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

They leave things opened

They leave things opened ended .. Like his things to play.. Worked didn't it? Hunter
Jan 4 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
mandathepanda
mandathepanda's picture

You guys are amazing,

You guys are amazing, seriously..I like the way that your responses complement one another and Hunter, I like your directness. It's what we need to hear, its what I need to hear. Thank you. I spoke to a colleague from work earlier about some stuff, and he said that my ex had spoken to him on the office IM system. Knowing that I'm good friends with this colleage he said "isn't it weird how some people can only see the bad, never the good". Clearly designed to get back to me. I just laughed, I know EXACTLY what he's up to....