first counselling session

15 posts / 0 new

#1 Aug 22 - 10AM

indenial

first counselling session

I feel another waste of my money. I'm not sure about her. I didn't get a good feeling. She was going on about my childhood and issues with my mother and why I may feel I need someone. Yes I know there is some truth in that but I feel I dealt with the issues with my mother years ago. Yes maybe my issues are why I'm in this mess in the first place but I was doing ok until I met him ! Really ! Yes I had vulnerable spots that he homed in on but I've only been with good men before him and I was with the last one for 16 years so its not like this is a pattern. I just want to deal with the aftermath of his narcissism and I want. A counsellor who can guide me through it and help me understand ! I don't know what to think now ! I can't afford to waste anymore money ! I don't think she's the one for me. I am tired of this. Has anyone recovere without seeing a therapist ?

#2 Aug 22 - 3PM

Hunter

When i go to therapy, we

When i go to therapy, we speak very little about Narcie Narc! That said this is your first secession so understanding why you are there is important! Hmmmm! You need to go to you're GP or a friend for a referall! My friend who is an alcoholic referred me to my thearpist! I guess, I got lucky !! I think you need to interview these people thoroughly before making an appointment! It's your time and your money and if they don't like it too bad! I will say I deal with all breeds of people and as a general breed most shriks are very odd people!! Like anything, there is good and bad in all professions! Keep looking, this is your health and you need to take care of you!! Hunter

#3 Aug 22 - 3PM (Reply to #13)

indenial

i really didnt feel comfortable

With her hunter. I know first impressions can be wrong but my first impressions are normally pretty spot on. Yes even with the narc !! I didn't like him. Knew there was something odd about him but I became intrigued. I think I definately need to follow my gut on this one. She just didn't seem right for me. I think ill have to look again. So frustrating ! I really need to get this ball rolling now. He's done this to me for the last time. I need my strength back. I'm scaring myself by how weak I've become. I am really quite horrified that I've allowed this to happen again and that it is so much worse.

#4 Aug 23 - 8AM (Reply to #14)

Hunter

Indenial

Follow your gut! You are no longer weak you are becoming very strong. Hunter

#5 Aug 22 - 12PM

58 and going strong

Indenial, you are so lucky to

Indenial, you are so lucky to have YOUR MAN by your side! Feeling ashamed and guilty can be overcome, and it appears he is willing to work with you. So don't give the N the power of having affected and destroyed more lives than only your own. Your family does not deserve that!!- As for therapy, I strongly disagree that one has to dig through the past over and over and over again to be able to progress. I was so lucky that I found a therapist who is doing RAPID RESOLUTION THERAPY. For general info: http://www.rapidresolutiontherapy.com/ Otherwise just search online to find one where you live. This gives you the tools to deal with the here and now and get a handle on your current feelings and be HAPPY NOW. The past will then only come up later and only 'as needed', i.e., I am looking back now on my own and understand the pattern of my life without a therapist. The alternative may be someone experienced in TRAUMA THERAPY. My best wishes to YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! YOU ARE LOVED!

#6 Aug 22 - 1PM (Reply to #11)

indenial

thats how i feel

I know that I need to work on me and that's what I want to do. Work from this point on in getting away from this man. Learning about him the disorder and the impact it has had on me and deal with how its made me feel. I really don't feel that this is because of my childhood issues. I have dealt with them. I'm fine about it. I was fine until he came along despite the fact that I fell for him. I think its that simple. I fell for a bad man. A con man. A liar a bully and a cheat. And I didn't fall for him because I have childhood trauma. I fell for him because I'm human and that's what I do and yes I ignored my gut and the red flags but that is more down to inexperience that issues in me I think. Like I've mentioned previously I've only ever had 2 serious relationships and with wonderful men. I'm good at seeing through people I think normally and I go for a kind gentle soul over looks status money or anything else. Maybe it was just a life crisis. My boys were growing up I'd beem settled for a long time and I just went off the rails and he pounced. To be honest I fear it may do me more harm than good to start raking up my past. My mother was emotionally distant and I think that gave me an insecure attachment but I do think I got over it or I wouldn't have had what I had with my partner for 16 years. Or still have the bond now. I don't want to complicate this any further. I'm too much of a realist. I need help to understand and get it all out and then make a plan to move forward. I think ill search for another therapist in the mean time. Ill try your link. Thanks xx

#7 Aug 22 - 12PM

Caligirl

Therapy?

I have done most of my recovery without a therapist bc I couldn't afford it. I had a therapist a couple of years ago after my divorce and dating a narcissistic man. She told me about NPD and I really liked her. It is important you have good rapport with a counselor and feel comfortable and safe. Maybe you should tell her what you said here about not feeling you need to revisit your past with your mom and instead concentrating on what happened with narc to understand it better. For me, I read all about NPD and abuse from books and internet, and even a book on sexual addiction (my N was very sexual). I began walking A LOT. My legs got buff, lol! I got massages. I spent time with family. I have amazing young nieces, intelligent and funny. They make me laugh and I support them in their dreams and goals. I lived somewhere else with my N and didn't have this. I also checked in here on the forum and had friends I could talk to. Anyway, healing without counseling, yes, it can be done. I had had counseling in the past though. She was so good that I can honestly say I sometimes heard her voice, things she'd say, etc. She once said if she weren't my counselor, she'd be my friend and could see us being friends for life. I just remembered that. I also felt that somehow I could do it without. I had read books in the past on NPD too, and I knew I could tap into the knowledge and past experiences inside to overcome it. Therapy is good though. Just remember, to find someone you click with and can trust. That is so important!! Good luck and please let us know how it goes. :)

#8 Aug 22 - 10AM

sadderbutwiser

correction

i just read my post and i want to clarify that i didn't mean i was proud that i haven't seen a therapist. i meant that i am proud that i have remained NC. i know that therapy is crucial for some people, but you asked if anyone has recovered without it and i have. does it still suck to see him? yes, it makes me sick actually, but we have to be strong, and just being on this site means that we are on the right track. i agree that you should probably give your therapist more time since you've only gone once. good luck!

#9 Aug 22 - 10AM

sadderbutwiser

i have not seen a therapist

hi indenial, i am proud to say i am 14 months NC and i have not seen a therapist AND my narc lives 3 houses down from me. it has been hard and still is cause i see him alot, but this site has saved me. whenever i feel shitty, i read on here and it helps so much. i am married and he almost screwed up my life. what i do besides reading here is make sure i take my hour long power walk EVERY DAY. i also think about the good people in my life. i realize that for some people therapy is necessary, but i have kids and there is just no time. i'm just trying to let you know that i have remained strong and NC without therapy so it is possible. the other VERY important thing is to read EVERYTHING you can about NPD. i have been learning about this disorder for 2 years and the knowledge i have gained has gotten me through the really tough times. knowledge truly is our power and our armor. keep coming here and you will get stronger, i promise.

#10 Aug 22 - 10AM (Reply to #7)

indenial

i gave up the best man i ever had

For this narc. That's what makes this even harder. I had it all I really did but the temptation of the narc was too much to resist. He was my night in shining armour ! What I can see now though is tht I didn't need saving. My ex prior to the narc is still there for me but its all so damaged I don't feel I can go back and I want to. I want back what I had. I want to fix my broken family but I'm too scared. I'm too damaged by the narc. I'm not the same as I was before. My ex has been my rock through this. He knows everything and he loves me enough to just want to see me ok again. He's waited patiently but I worry I'm changed forever cos I just don't feel anything outside of the narc. I've been so blind and selfish. Having to live with what I've done is so difficult

#11 Aug 22 - 10AM

Sparrow

In order to deal with the

In order to deal with the aftermath, you need to revisit your past. It is crucial actually. Give her a few more sessions so she can get up to speed with you in order to help you. Good luck! Stay strong! You will get there!

#12 Aug 22 - 11AM (Reply to #2)

indenial

i know there is truth in that

But I don't feel its too relevant to me at the moment. I dealt with my childhood issues with my mum and I'm ok about it now. I forgive her and I accept the relationship we have now. I just feel it would be a waste of my time because this is about the damage he has done. Yes I know that my childhood has contributed to this but I feel there is no use in revisiting all that for me. I feel that I need help facing up to his disorder and accepting that he is disordered and that I did nothing wrong other than love him. Logically I can see it but I just need keeping on the right path. Sorry my head is a mess today. I just didn't feel I could open up to her. Something is blocking my emotions but maybe she can help me with that.

#13 Aug 22 - 12PM (Reply to #4)

Sunafterrain

InDenial

I think there is a clue missing here that your therapist might be able to help you with. Sometimes it's possible to think you don't need to revisit your past, however, if you're still making choices that aren't healthy and in fact are toxic to you, something is still sitting inside you that created that choice you made. This is not to say its your fault as narcs hone in on our VULNERABILITIES. From what I'm getting out of your post, you left your husband for the narc or? Anyway, you said he is very loving and patient. Ask yourself why you didn't want that and wanted the narc instead. These are the kinds of things that need to be addressed in therapy so that the same mistake is not made twice. Once you recognize and deal with WHY you got involved with a narc in the first place, it won't matter anymore to you about his disorder or what he did, it will be about you and what you won't do again in allowing another narc into your life. It is important, in fact, critical, to educate yourself left and right about pathologicals, but it's just as critical to sift through the reasons you were so vulnerable to him and even if you don't recognize or feel it, it may very well extend to something from your past.

#14 Aug 22 - 12PM (Reply to #5)

indenial

in answer to your question

Yes I did leave my long term partner for him and in answer to why I left a loving and patient man for him he pretendedd to be even more loving and patient and boy did he pretend well. For over a year he kept that mask on and it goes back on regularly now. That's how he's got away with gaslighting me into thinking its all me. My long term partner and I had been through a tough few years. Arguing money worries and emotionally he began to neglect me a little. It happens. I know erd have worked through it but the narc came along saw my vulnerability and played to it. I fell for it but and its a big but. I saw the red flags and my gut didn't feel right from the very beginning. It was like I fell under some sort of spell though and I couldn't get out. I was so flattered by his persistence. Totally out of character for me. I'm not really easily fooled by people. I'm quite cynical I suppose but healthily so. Just can't understand how I let it get this far though and that's what's worrying.

#15 Aug 22 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

sadderbutwiser

don't be hard on yourself

please remember these guys are so screwed up! they enjoy hurting people. focus on the good man that you DO have in your life. we are so lucky that we have good men in our lives and we need to remember that always. if we forget that then these jerks win. do not feel guilty, i went through that too. these guys are MASTERS at sucking people in and we were human. i am proud that i am human and that i have real feelings, something they will NEVER have. stay strong!

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews