Finally, I did it!

8 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Feb 22 - 7PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Finally, I did it!

It has been over a month since my XNBF moved on. I've written a letter every day to him, expressing my feelings. I have been avoiding posting my goodbye because it makes it final for me. I am ready now. Here goes...and thank you friends for taking the time to read this.

Dear XNBF,

The first time I saw you, I was so impressed with your stance and pride. In the crowded dance, I walked up next to you and said “I felt safe standing by you”. You told me about your woes, I sympathized. Told me about all the LTR you had and why they failed. I had been 4 years separated and dated a few losers before I met you. There was something so mysterious & fascinating about you. You were & still are extremely handsome & sexy. We began to date a month later and love was slowly falling upon me. I was so very guarded with my heart due to my past hurt & shame. I felt that you really respected me because it took you 3 months to kiss me. How sweet it is!

We went everywhere together. You took me to places I had no idea even existed. You asked me to update my passport so we could travel abroad. I in turn took you to every family event. After a year, you moved into my home. You bought a winter haven that I picked out. You filled my head with a wonderful life together…..forever. “I will never leave you, I will always love you, I would never cheat on you”. It was as if I was hooked up to IV and being infused with love, beauty & magic. My friends & family were so happy for me that I finally found a good guy. I told everyone how happy I was. After 30 years in a marriage full of sickness, I had finally found “The One.” You were so kind to my mom and took her with us many times. My kids liked you. I liked yours.

Do you remember how I used to say I was waiting for the other shoe to drop? Well, 1 month ago, both shoes dropped. You had gone to our winter haven ahead of me because you didn’t want to wait until I could go. I had rearranged my priorities with much effort to be able to be with you. Within a few weeks of us being apart, I noticed you called less, said less and seemed annoyed with me. It seemed such an inconvenience to speak to me. A week before my mom & I were to fly down, I confronted you. I practiced this exchange in my head for days. I was torn between needing the truth and needing the fantasy. When I asked if you missed me, you said “not really”. You said you were dating on line.

My world fell apart at that moment. I was in shock and awe. How could you just toss me away and move on without skipping a beat. You were the love of my life and now you are saying that things had changed. You think you might have loved me but no more. I have a box of mementos that says otherwise. You have e mailed me several times with the “I’m sorry” speech. I know the only reason you say this is because you left all of your valuables at my house & need them back.

I stumbled upon a wonderful healing place that told me to stop all contact with you. I am so glad I did. Now I can see all the crazy behaviors you exhibit. Angry outbursts over trivial events like me wanting to take a picture or having to use a restroom. You say something one week then contradict yourself the next week. Your sharp tongue and critical eyes, expecting royal treatment from everyone, your impatience, and the strangest one.....having sex without passion. I gave you a beautiful home to live in, cooked great meals for you, washed your clothes and treated you with so much loving kindness. This means nothing to you.

You are truly a man of steel. You are a coward for not telling me the relationship was over for you. You dragged me along taking advantage of my love. But guess what? I win. I am patching all my holes. I am patching the holes you made as well as the ones made by others very long ago. I will go on to love and feel and be joyous again. You won’t. You will continue on, finding new supply to suck the life from. Never feeling anything, you will miss out on the best that life has to offer. How sad for you.

Feb 23 - 11AM
Phoenix2012's picture

Great letter

I feel your pain thru your letter and it reminds me of my own. Each day gets better, and the pain fades. I'm 9 weeks NC and feel like I have healed so much. I still miss the illusion, but now I know that's all it ever was. Live in your head for awhile and give your heart a chance to heal. I can tell you're strong, and you'll survive this--and be a better woman for it. Your XNBF won't learn a thing. Good luck! I'm always here for you
Feb 23 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
shock and awe.some (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

TU Phoenix

for reading my letter. It literally drained me. I can't do anything today. Or many days for that matter. No ambition. This healing process is just so draining. Best wishes to you. I too w/b here for you if you need to message me.
Feb 23 - 6PM (Reply to #7)
Phoenix2012's picture

You're doing fine

I felt broken for the first month too. Then I went to the beach one day and rode my bike. For the first hour, I didn't smile at anyone, and no one seemed to notice me. I was so lonely on a beach that was full of people. Then I remembered my sister's advice--fake it 'till you make it. So for the entire 2nd hour of my ride, I faked being the happiest girl in the world. I flashed my biggest smile at EVERYONE who passed by going the opposite direction. You know what happened? ALL BUT ONE PERSON SMILED BACK!!! Believe me--there is so much positive energy in a smile, and I felt like a million bucks at the end of my ride. My point--force yourself to live a full day, even if you have to fake your way through it for awhile. You WILL be happy again. Surround yourself with positive energy. It will help heal the pain. "If you're going through hell, keep going." --Winston Churchill
Feb 22 - 8PM
sexy72's picture

Very good!

You did a great job, it sounds like I could have wrote it! I haven't wrote mine yet, I too haven't wanted to give it my energy, so I know exactly what you mean! I hope you are doing better! I am, and it is great not to give him energy! My relationship ended the middle of August and we almost got back together a few times the first month. But then the truth came out that he had been cheating, he denys it was when he was with me, yea right! So I turned his world upside down a little bit and I am still holding things over his head that could ruin his reputation as a Doctor and with friend and peers. I am one month no contact tomorrow after ignoring his last degrading email!!!! It gets better everyday, so just keep living and doing things with friends! It bugged him when we were together and it has always been my salvation! Woman should never give up friends and family for Narcs, you need them in your life always, you never need a Narc!
Feb 22 - 11PM (Reply to #4)
shock and awe.some (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

O you are so dead on

You speak the truth gf. i am so sorry for your hurt. I know it hurts down to the core. it sucks. But it sounds like u r doin great. And don't u love it when the ball is in your court. GO GIRL!
Feb 22 - 7PM
Maggster's picture

Well done!

Congratulations!!! I have been thinking about my letter for some time now. I looking forward to the day I am ready to post. You should be very proud of yourself. Again, congrats!
Feb 22 - 11PM (Reply to #2)
shock and awe.some (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


TUVM. It was time. I really needed to move on. Yet I am very nervous b cause I w/b in contact w/him soon. I am getting stronger every day. I read all your posts. We r alike in many ways. Peace to you gf