Finally

I joined because I have spent the last 18 months under the spell of a narcissist. Unfortunately for me, he was the most handsome man I'd ever met. Looking back I saw a lot of red flags and would confront him, but every time it was me who was the problem: I was too needy, too sensitive, had too many expectations. We would fight and not speak for days, and then I'd give in and go back. He promised to step up, but never did. I'd hear from him less and less and be told that it was my fault, that I'd gone from special to stressful.
My biggest trigger is instagram. I'd constantly catch him in lies there. He has over 700 followers, and it seems like every few days there is a new girl, a new follower.
I'm a smart, educated person. I'm not proud of how I let myself be treated. I gave him money, even wrote his resume so that he could get a job. Once he got the job, I didn't hear from him.
Last Friday I got really intoxicated and after hearing his lies and excuses that he had been too busy, I exploded. I was very mean and tactless. I asked him to leave me alone. I'm not proud of my behavior, but I haven't contacted him and have removed everything from my phone and email. I'm struggling though.