Feeling weak

I'm having a hard time right now. I've remained NC although I've received several messages. It's getting difficult for me not to respond. I want to just respond with a big FU and a lot more. I hate to admit but a small part of me wants to just forgive and forget this happened like all the other times just to make my hurt go away. I know my thinking is skewed but I can't stop these thoughts. I think I've been doing good but I needed to post here because I'm feeling really weak. I know I'll regret it and hurt worse if I do. My emotions are screwing with me right now.