feeling numb

CF and I are almost out of money. We went through the savings, and are now living off of the kid's college fund. Just a few more months and we will be broke. I am sending out resumes, talking with people, taking any work I can get. It is really hard being a single mom, working, and having two kids under the age of five. I have total admiration for any woman who is doing it. I am not complaining at all. In many ways, I wouldn't want my life any other way.

CF still has no job. His gf and her kids are still living in "our" old house. She is collecting unemployment. She has been out of work for the past year. Both CF and gf were fired due to their affair. I am sure that much money has been spent on gf and her family. It will be very hard to get payed back that money since we have little money at all.

I am probably going to have to move in with family if I don't get some sort of income soon. I really hate the idea of burdening any member of my family.

I am trying to stay as positive as possible. I am going to find a job, and be able to take care of my kids and myself.

CF had the nerve to send me a text today telling me how utterly alone he feels. How he is hitting an emotional wall. How he misses us. CF put us in this position, and he still feels that I should be comforting him. no fricken surprise there.

I haven't responded. I have remained no contact. It is really not hard to do since I have no desire what so ever to speak or communicate with him. I just feel totally numb. It is as though I have shut down for the moment.

It is just sad right now. I feel like everything we had worked for to give our kids a good life is just gone. Not only did cf and his gf destroy my family, I feel like they have taken so much from my children's future.

I need to build it back up for them.