Feeling nothing

My opinion is that your out of body is a good sign, as you are getting a new perspective on the situation, removed from the fire and coals, so to speak. Quiet and stillness feels like depression and denial...but are you in denial or just seeing the devastation more as an observer than a participant? Don't forget we were blind to what was actually going on...we thought it could all make sense, we could figure it out, control it, and maybe make it all better. But we discover with the awareness of them being disordered that what we thought we were witnessing was just a facade, an image. Thgere was no reality to understand, nothing real to control or change. It was nonsense, like discovering you are having a relationship with a big body and a 6 yr old personality who can smile and look grown up and actually got us to believer they loved and needed us. The partner was actually nothing more than a parasite, a poser, an actor, an imposter, a fraud! At least we know it now, healing can begin with knowing the truth. I couldn't fix disordered, and I accept that. It wasn't my fault. I didn't do it. I didn't create it. Even though I was blamed for so much, I was not at fault or crazy. I was just unaware of what I was really dealing with. Its simple really. Yes meant no except when it meant yes or maybe, and it could and would all change, because that is the nature of the disorder. And as long as I played, it worked. When I started detaching from the chaos, she struggled and finally found another man who would give her the "love/attention" supply she so needed. She has already been with him long enough for the dynamic to evolve into the same old push/pull, open doors, closing doors, love me, leave me bullshit with him. Trying to play me as well. NC saves me from being a player in her viscious game. ds

This is a typical symptom of post traumatic stress. You have suffered a grave shock and trauma. Hang on and try to get some therapy from a professional who understands narcissism, for one and traumatic stress, too.

How much time has passed since he D&D you? I stood like that for two months..it depends how sever it was, and the way you react to that. I was like that too, couldn`t feel joy, not anger, I couldn`t even get out pieces of puzzle and cry..it`s what they do to us, to feel in control. I heard in a video made by Sam Vaknin, that the Narcisists detest happiness, because it reminds them of how insignificant and emotionally crippled they really are. So they try to KILL that happiness. To us, it doesn`t make sense, bu to them it does. He said, that when a Narcisist sees others happy, he hates that, he hates that they dare to be happy, WITHOUT him. That is one of ther easons why they devalue and discard/ abuse/ hurt you. Because then, you are at his level. Hurt, in pain, sad, black and white, dead. And then, as victims of Ns do, we reach again to the source of our pain, hoping they can make things okay again. They can bring our souls, our rainbow, our "spark" back. THEN, after you ask for his help, or come back begging, THEN, it feel REAL to him. Only then. Because then, he knows he PRODUCED that. He know he made that happen, he hurt you, and then he made you happy, only then you`re really "happy", under his control. Under the Master`s wing, the Father`s protection and control (those are roles they often like to play). They need to hurt and bring people to their level, because they can`t get to that. They don`t feel things, don`t feel anything. I was thinking when I was in those states, like you are now, you know, I`d rather feel pain, feel sadness, feel ANYTHING, than being like that. NUMB. Imagine that is the way they are all the time. But that is not YOUR fault, or mine, or anyone`s around here. We don`t deserve to be punished for loving them, with all our hearts and minds. I am here to tell you, that this will pass. I too, never thought I could learn to laugh again. I did. As longer you stay away from them, as much you give your soul the chance to rebirth. And please remember, the greatest revendge, is not about those people feeling the pain they have caused us. They are their own worst punishment. The greatest revendge, is YOU to be more alive, much stronger, beautiful, wiser after this experience! Just because the object of our affection was fake, that doesn`t mean our love for them wasn`t real. It was. Stay strong and NC! You are here and that`s one step plus in your healing :-)

was it preceded by days of emotional days? After a day like yesterday, where I was crying on and off for the better part of the day, I wish I felt nothing. I've had so many days in the last 9 weeks where I am crying so much that I have to be sure there's a perpetual box of tissue close by. ugh. I look forward to when we can have regular emotions again and feel healthy about them, whatever they are.

I go in and out of complete numbness. Maybe it's the PTSD. I'm pretty sure it is. I'm feeling pretty good right now! I'm excited about the future. I'm happy with my family. Yesterday, it was a different story. Down, depressed, not happy. Oh, well. At least the happy periods seem to be getting longer and the down times go away much quicker. Hugs to you

Yes, very normal. I feel that sometimes we have to shut down all emotions in order to function outside of the grief and get on with everyday stuff. I often had days when I felt like a zombie but if it continues for any length of time you might like to consider consulting your doctor for advice. Dee x

Sounds familiar, very familiar. Kind of like in a shock? Several systems 'shut down' and you are just 'functioning' somehow? Are you in therapy right now? While it will pass, it is always good to get some extra support when things turn too extreme.

Absolutely. This will pass. It's very common. You are not alone!