Feeling inadequate.

that bastard is the one who is totally INADEQUATE...he cannot function in this world in any realy meaningful way....pounding that into my own head daily for 17 years is what kept me alive......'it's NOT me....it's HIM'....no matter what he said...or anyone else said....i chanted that mantra daily....because i knew it was the truth.....

You are NOT an Idiot!!! You had no idea he wasn't human... now you do and now you're gone. I myself still struggle with how something can be so "close & intimate" with someone - then just up and walk away forever... as if you don't even exist! As if we are nothing! I will never get that. Ever. again - you are NOT an Idiot! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

Remember how bad he made you feel. Remember when you were with him, how many times you wished you could just get away from him and his cruel ways. These memories go on the back burner when they're with someone new. Believe me, he will do the same with her. Then even the sex doesn't matter...because at every other time in your relationship, he'll make you feel like dirt. It is natural for us to blame ourselves and ignore our gut, because we want so much to love these men and have them love us back. We also think that we'll be the ONE to show him love like he's never known and be able to free himself of his demons and fears. But we can't. The deficit is not within yourself, because you have the ability to love. He doesn't. People are things to be used and discarded at will. When you come on this board, you are never alone. It has helped me thru many hard times when I was tempted to pick up the phone and call him. Something I knew I'd regret. You deserve someone who has the capacity to love you back. Only time and treating yourself well, can do that for you. He will go on to hurt many more women. Learn from this experience so that it's not in vain. I have done this, although 7 months ago I didn't view it that way. I will never ever let a man or anyone else treat me like I am less than them. These guys aren't good enough to shine our shoes!

You sound like you just want confirmation ...and we can all give you that. I too, most all of us, do or at some point have shared that cognitive dissonance..the self blame, not trusting our choices, wondering why we still care sometimes... I don't think it's necessarily the N's or P's that we yearn for so much, as much as it is we miss the companionship, the friend, someone being there for us, in my case, a provider...and the relationship we THOUGHT we had! Even though I was a "Madonna", I still miss the strong arms that would sometmes hold me... I do have two sons, and he has left us in horrific emotional and financial devastation! Bad enough he has broken my heart, but the guilt is overwhelming that I have when it comes to the kids. They didn't deserve this, nor did I...but it's from MY bad choices! Sure, I was conned...but that somehow doesn't make me feel any better. It just confirms that I feel ever so stupid over it! You sound so stable, so insightful, so grounded. I would suggest not seeing him at all. You can still be best friends with the cousin, but I think seeing him is what is making you miss him, and resent that he is with other "victims". Remember, that's all they are. Victims. Be glad that soon you can overcome that title, and move on to a loving healthy relationship.............I think you will. God bless.

I know exactly how u feel! Every single emotion you are feeling, we have all felt! The whole "pretending" to be someone that he's not makes me want to scream, "He's nothing but a fake!" i hate to keep saying this cos you all are going to think i don't love my daughter, i really do but God i wish i hadn't gotten pregnant by the N! He has not only hurt me & her brothers, he hurts her by not being able to even be a part time father! I wish she could forget him! Anyway, didn't mean to get off track, just be glad no children were involved cos that hurts worse!

Feeling the same here ...my ex N is NC on me,for about a month now i did initiated 2 months ago but i couldn"t keep it so he played with me for a while troughth phone,and now is NC...At least you know he has new supply,mine will not say anything about his life,i can only imagine and it is killing me.....the only thing he told me and then turned around and said no,i was just messing up with your head is that he was wanting and wandering how would it be to be with a man....and that he was skipping with some people here and there....and i saw him suddenly go online onSkype which he just used to talk with me and he told me he was talking with a woman that was just like me,only not crazy as me....he called me a power rabbit,a loser and that i should be commited into an asylum...that he was having cyber sex and that he was going to meet some people when they felt they were ready....and then said he never said any of this and that he didn't know what i was talking about....I am tired and i regret i didn't keep NC,now i am worst than ever....and he dumped me ayear and 4 months ago,i left because i thought i would feel better but i am in pretty bad shape,but i will keep NC now even if he would contact me....NEVER AGAIN,IS OVER WITH THIS CREATURE...But he is still in my head....Iwant it to Stop

I've been feeling so stupid. The same way. I know I would never go back to him, but through fb, (he's showing off his gf,) and I can't help but feel like garbage sometimes. He didn't announce our relationship on fb and never introduced me to any of his friends or family. He was leading me on to believe that I was the most amazing thing that ever happened to him though and told me he was telling his family all about me. I really believed that my prayers have finally been answered and that he was the one. That "I am good enough to be in a relationship with a sexy, intelligent man of my dreams!" He dumped me like a hot potato. D&D'd me over the phone quite suddenly and disappeared. A month later, he announces his new gf on fb. A first year law student at his school. He's a third year. He met me online and told me he doesn't see himself marrying a lawyer. She looks like a perfect picture of the exact opposite of me and exactly what he described when he was D&Ding me. A young Ashkenazi Jewish girl, probably a virgin from a higher socio-economic background and she's a law student who is probably way more articulate than I am. She's also on campus with him, so he doesn't have to make too much of an effort to see her. Why do I care? Why are the thoughts of them together consuming me? Aside from the fact that he's mentally ill, he's a pampered man-child who has never proven himself to be able to survive in this world without his parent's money and he's a racist. I actually feel bad for the girl he's with because if she is still with him and if he did profile her for marriage, she has no idea the pain and hell she is going to go through. Within the six weeks of being with him, he was already showing me signs that he is extremely controlling and emotionally abusive. I feel inadequate. All of the insecurities I had . . he made me feel like he appreciated me more for my flaws and was so intensely attracted to me. I felt so special and then WHAM! He slaps me in the face with all my "flaws" and jumps into a longer relationship with a girl who has the things I don't have. I know that I need to appreciate myself for the things I do have and recognize that he was attracted to me from the beginning because I'm awesome. That he dumped me because I'm smart and asked questions he did not want to answer. I did too much digging and he was terrified of me. He felt "something" he couldn't describe and it scared the s#$% out of him so in true narc fashion, he raged at me and threw me out. Maybe I'm paranoid and narcissistic myself, but I also happen to believe that he is using her as a prop on fb to get at me (and possibly other girls he wants to frustrate.) Most people don't disclose their relationship status and wall posts to everyone settings on fb. Usually, people use their privacy settings to hide that kind of personal info. I had deleted him from my fb account after the breakup and (maybe I'm nutz) but I think he set it up so that if I ever did a search for him, I would see it. Also, with the bf I had two years ago, I think he used me to show off to his family. I think my last exN/psycho is doing the same with his gf. I struggle with my insecurities and my self-esteem anyway. These guys are so ruthless. They just use all your weaknesses to hurt you. As much as I am capable of recognizing it for what it is - and at this point, I could probably educate some psychologists of about narcissism and psychopathy - I'm still reeling from the hurt. Everyday is a struggle to stay motivated and keep moving forward. I've pretty much lost all faith in men. It's going to take a lot of time and kindness to myself to get over this. I was with him for only six weeks, but I had a string of narcs and abusers over the past 4 years. I have been NC with him for a little over five months. I wish you luck in your journey toward healing.