Feeling Head over Heels

When "in love" or "asphixiated" ( a better term?) by the N, did you ever feel almost comotose, or so flooded with desire, that it is like nothing mattered, but them?

I understand being in love, but perhaps real love, is a grounding, a balance, and the N, sought to overload you with sexual desire for him, to the exclusion of everything, and everyone else,,and he is doing this to multiple people so we find out when exposing them?

Yuck!! So sad!!!!

I think the N wants you dreaming, fantacizing for them 24/7, I don't think thats healthy.

Barbara's picture

Sam V. made up the somatic & cerebral terms. We call them sexual or intellectual. The Psychologist was incorrect but following the staid old DSMV standards. That divides Narcissists into the following: Theodore Millon identified five subtypes of narcissist:[2][6]. Any individual narcissist may exhibit none or one of the following: * unprincipled narcissist - including antisocial features. A charlatan - is a fraudulent, exploitative, deceptive and unscrupulous individual. Possible sociopath * amorous or sexual narcissist - including histrionic features. The Don Juan or Casanova of our times - is erotic, exhibitionist. * compensatory narcissist - including passive-aggressive, avoidant features. * elitist narcissist - variant of pure pattern. * fanatic type - including paranoid features. A severely narcissistically wounded individual, usually with major paranoid tendencies who holds onto an illusion of omnipotence. These people are fighting the reality of their insignificance and lost value and are trying to re-establish their self-esteem through grandiose fantasies and self-reinforcement. When unable to gain recognition of support from others, they take on the role of a heroic or worshipped person with a grandiose mission. Later identified types were: Acquired situational Aggressive Amorous Compensatory Conversational Corporate Cross-cultural Cultural Destructive Elitist Exhibitionist Fanatical Group Healthy Malignant Medical Phallic Primordal Sexual Spiritual Unprincipled The truth is - for the women on this forum - it is MUCH clearer to call them SEXUAL or INTELLECTUAL Narcissists. MANY MANY MANY narcissists have traits of both or a combo pack man (as Sandra Brown, MA) calls them. There's so much overlap in the above - in the end does it really matter? The bottom line - a Narc is a Narc is a Narc - it's all bad and all toxic. Yours sounds to be farther up the Cluster B scale towards SOCIOPATHY. Diagnosticians often disagree - diagnoses of personality disorders tend to be very subjective anyway. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
4joys4's picture

Yes! He took up every waking thought and action. He was a schmoozer. He knew how to get what he wanted. Then when he had that, he started the abuse and it's so true what the members have posted here. Those over the top in love feelings are mixed with a sort of hypervigilence as to when he will hurt you again. Mine was a womanizer and let me tell you how exhausting it was to constantly watch his interactions with any woman. A cashier on a casual shopping trip. He would talk for like 20 minutes and have her laughing and so interested. yeah. Mine was good. Then he'd go back at a later time without me and try to get with her..and did. They purposely hook you this way. Give you everything you could ever want then pull the rug out from under you. They want you to continue yearning for them. Mine still tries to hook me in subtle ways, but I am getting better at ignoring it.
Amazed's picture

OMG being with him must have exhausted you, and run you down to say the least. Oooh, yeah, have been there with the N and the schmooze. I can't believe that jerk went so far as to pick up someone at a retail store. Yuck. And you know about it,,oh yuck!!! They do try to hook you in subtle ways,,don't they? Its like they want you to come at them,,and you aren't even interested,!!!! We have to keep strong, know that these guys are crap, and crap to everyone,,and immediately look the other direction. We have been through enough...
rache's picture

Mine would look (eye )the waitresses/patrons-female while i was sitting there trying to talk to him.He took me to a bed and breakfast(romantic)when we went inside and had a seat he oggled a blond sitting over from us!A-hole.
Carolyn's picture

How do these men get women so overly involved? It has to be some really interesting button that they can push. Now if it is something they cause and they must because everyone who posts on this site has pretty much the same story. I love Sandra Brown's information, Barbara's, and all of the posts. If they can trigger this there is some way to prevent that. It is a chemical re-action as love is a release of endorphins and other pleasure hormones, then it is mixed with abuse which generates another set of chemicals that produce anxiety, fear, foreboding, etc. Somehow something goes terribly wrong mentally, physically, and emotionally when your body chemistry is controlled by someone else. that must be why intentional infliction of emotional harm was a cause of action for divorce. All of the women mention confusion. I couldn't walk straight and chew gum at the same time when he was doing the mind games and babble speak. It has to be how women are wired. Narcs know instinctively how it all works and just apply a love/hate model until the victim explodes. I want to thank you all I have never been so clear on something that I lived with for years and years until I read your stories and your posts. One funny thing, I haven't seen my ex for years and last year I found a website he had, totally be accident. Maybe nothing is by accident. I have been divorced from him for many years but out of curiousity I e-mailed him and he never responded. He knows, by now, I know it was intentional infliction of emotional harm. When I divorced him he was all innocence. His life sank out of sight due to his tricks not just to me but women he worked with and other women he married.
Amazed's picture

Confusion, exhaustion, bewilderment, describes it all. The combination of the endorphins, of love, and the hyperigilence of threat, fear, all simultaneously. Don't even want to talk about it,, your post says so much. you nailed it perfectly.
passionatebutterfly's picture

No it's not healthy and not real love. That's exactly what my N did. That's the supply they need!
Carolyn's picture

I wonder if they think of us as toys, or pets? they don't care about the pain they inflict as that isn't something they feel yet they are very conscious of how they feel.
rache's picture

like a piece of prized furniture nothing more nothing less-according to my shrink
cynthia's picture

I always said we were either a patsy, pawn or patron in their games, I think I was the pawn. I am glad you posted this because it has been a struggle for me to look back and feel that I will NEVER love that way again. I was on cloud 9, no take that back cloud 100. All new relationships are exciting when it clicks but it was NEVER like what I experienced with him. He was in my thoughts 24-7 the love of my life, the one that I had been waiting for all my life that was my match in every respect. I think I was on a high for 6 months, so high I couldnt even eat, lost 30 pounds my stomach had butterflies all the time, I had the determination to lose the weight I had wanted since my kids were born, I had energy I never knew I had, I would listen to stupid love songs all the time, I had an zest for life I had never ever felt before. People would even say your eyes twinkle and you look great with all the weight you lost, the whole world looked different to me during that time,, its like I had been dead and came alive. oops but wait a minute here comes the part they pull the rug out, mine did it slowly with just little comments, its started out with have you ever done a threesome? But I laughed it off thinking of course not, why would you ask that and he said just wondering because you are so beautiful and just wondered what you had done in your past. I bet you and your husband swap, I said NO WAY, NEVER I told him I have been faithful to my husband for 23 years until I met you, he said your kidding someone as sexy and beautiful as you never cheated, I said absolutely not, never. Those were all red flags he was testing me to see what my past was like and what I had done, not knowing it was HIM that wanted me to do that with him. I asked him do you cheat on your GF and he said NO, I am a good boy until you came along, well we know that was a bunch of crap but I believed him thinking he is 50 now and settled and doesnt scout the bars like some 23 year old. I believe we were their toys they played with and they tried training us like their pets to behave like they wanted us to with their manipulation and brainwashing, if I was good he would throw me a bone, (give me attention) if I misbehaved he would ignore me, condition and trial he used with me, he knew what I wanted and with held it just to keep me interested and challenging. He always thought I just wanted the sex, in truth I just wanted to be with him, movie, dinner, hiking, long conversations, but it never happened he didnt care what my interests were, he just wanted to remove my panties and spend all day in bed together which got old I wanted to play a nice concerto for him on the piano never took interest. All the red flags everywhere, soon the euphoria turned into anxiety and worry and wonder and stress and the dream man pulled further and further away from me and in the end it turned into filth, perversion and extreme emotional abuse.
rache's picture

Your N was sooooooooo much like mine! The sexual perversion was horrendous=he couldn't keep a boner,and,would practically tortue me with excess fingering /oral etc.Being multi-orgasmic after 3-4 i was done,but,even though he couldnt he would just wanted to PLAY with my body like i was a HUGE female DILDO.
cynthia's picture

Sometimes I have dreams that haunt me - sexual dreams of him being in a room and totally ignoring me and talking to other women, then looking over at me and smirking, as if he is saying are you jealous, does this hurt you? All my dreams I have had of him have been about abandonment, every single one what does that tell ya? He got me to fall deeply in love with me then he abandoned me, that is what happened in reality. Every promise he said to me was a lie, everything he wanted for us was a lie, all his words were lies, all I got in the end was the herrendous perversion. Rache we can be thankful now that we are gone for a few things: we dont have to be the GF that watches him google and eye and try to pick up other women in front of us, or go back when we are gone and try to get their number, we no longer have to worry about them cheating o us 24/7, we no longer have to worry if what they are saying is a lie, we no longer have to wonder why of ANYTHING anymore, Is one man worth all that I ask? I think no, its not worth what they did to us.
rache's picture

I used to feel devastated when we'd even go to the mall because heres this 66 year old man with me-(13 years younger and some think an older version =could be her mother-lookalike to angelina)and he's checking out 18-25 year olds! looking up their skirts.Then,when i'd call him on it he'd say SHUT up! you're too jealous etc.wonder why.Calls the waitress sugar,baby,honey etc.once went downstairs to the clerk at hotel(in her twenties)and gave her 25 dollars! Said he felt sorry for her because she was a single mom,yet,i did not see him give a homeless person anything but a one dollar bill.JERK!
Ellen's picture

Hi, At least your ex would put in the effort as he couldn't keep it up. My exN could do it but wouldn't try either, very robotic and the worst ever.
rache's picture

Yeah,he put in the effort to me and every woman he could get! Gave me venereal warts and i have to wait until May to see if i caught hiv or hep b or c.
rache's picture

He would take it in spells=trying,then,blame me when he lost it,then,wanted to talk group sex etc.....ask me what it felt like to have a mans penis in me! wanted me to get graphic.actually acted like HE wanted to be the female.
Ellen's picture

Hi, Yes i was blamed when my exN left he said he didn't love me how he was supposed to and he knew that was the case when the pills didn't work for him anymore with me. That really hurt. In fact the last time we did it i had to tell him that it was soft and that he had to know that it was like this. I ended up crying. One day i told him to arrange the sofa downstairs so we could have sex cos we had a young baby and no chances. He just said 'it's hassle isn't it'. He used to blame me for it all,wouldn't talk or get help and then moved on to another woman and told her i was a nymph, i don't know this for sure but some things he said sounded like another person speaking. I suppose he was already morphing into her. Even talking about his now makes me feel bad like it was me not being understanding enough. Also then i feel sorry for him and think how unfortunate this has happened to him. Then i have to remind myself it was lifestyle choices that gave him diabetes and more. Your ex sounds like he is gay or something..........did you say he put on your knickers or liked to wear your shoes or something? I read somewhere that cerebral narcs have homo tendencies. You know i think my ex wanted to be female he kept trying to take over the jobs everywhere. i think he was just trying to get power over women though.
Barbara's picture

cerebral narcs have homo tendencies WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! where the he** did you read that? it's B.S. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
rache's picture

yes!He stretched out a pair of my panties to bursting,and,pranced around like a peacock.He once said he'd like to watch a man have sex with me then do oral on me! Yeah,i do think he has homosexual tendencies.He also liked the fantasy of him inside me and a BIG black penis in me.
rache's picture

Tested out SOMATIC narcissist
Barbara's picture

We use the term SEXUAL NARCISSIST on this board Somatic is a Vaknin-ism... BLECH ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
rache's picture

On the test that the psychologist gave ex N it said narcissistic traits somatic type consistant with a possible personality disorder.This was the findings on summary of his profile.I later saw where there are two types=cerebral vs somatic,but,the psychologist says a NARCISSIST is ALL the same.NO difference in them.Now,i am totally confused.But,i KNOW he is a social-path for sure.
Barbara's picture

we are one dimensional figurines in the PLAY in their head starring THEMSELVES. Period ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Monica's picture

Mine told me (near the end, before I ended it with him), "I love my toys!" True, he loved THINGS. And money. He bought and paid huge amounts (allegedly - or according to him) for things he would never use and didn't really need, just to say he bought it and how much he paid for it. But when he said that...it dawned on me that I was nothing more than a toy to him. I would NEVER be anything more to him than that. No thanks. Pets give unconditional love and affection and devotion and attention to their owners. Isn't that what the narcs want from us?? And, of course, they want to own us. Literally. Body and soul. So maybe we are both to them....pets and toys. So very sad.
rache's picture

i was just out of marriage to a cheating husband,and,there he was waiting to fulfill all my dreams=yeah right NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET.
fairy wings's picture

Same situation, husband of twenty three years moved out to live with new woman, enter gorgeous guy who was everything my husband had not been and six years my junior. What a catch! I remarked to my daughter in law, when I'm with him it feels like I'm in Tele Tubby Land (Kids TV programme with bright primary colours)everything comes alive, the world looks brighter and somehow it always feels like summer. It did until winter arrived, he turned cold and I realised he was abusing me. If only I had listened when he told me he was the 'sad man behind blue eyes'. He was a psycho and I am thankful I got away.
rache's picture

Yep,and,have you noticed,that,when you see one NARC you see them all? my shrink said even the cerebral narc uses sex to aquire supply,and,there is NO difference in cerebral/somatic types=who came up with these two comparisons anyway-VADKIN?mine just happens to be a social/psychopath as well.
Barbara's picture

THIS IS PART OF THE HYPNOSIS AND MIND CONTROL, Amazed PLEASE go to MY BLOG and read the 3 articles entitled "Am I Under His Spell?" That's NOT LOVE - it's BRAINWASHING http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/10/12/signs-youve-been-hypnotized http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/10/02/symptoms-brainwashing ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MORE: The early days of being wooed and lured by a pathological are the most exciting times that women remember. Consistently described as “charming” the pathological is irresistible in his personality traits. Women described him as “a charming and engaging conversationalist, agreeable, insightful, sweet, twinkling eyes, a compelling talker, funny, a great storyteller, fun to be with, delightful, exciting, companionable, loyal, enthusiastic, upbeat, fun-loving, intense, and sensitive.” From this list of traits, it’s easy to see why women are enamored with his personality. By this list, what’s not to like? During the luring stage, he is highly complimentary. Pathologicals use intensity and then flattery to overwhelm her emotionally, and then set her at ease. The purpose of the luring stage is to hook her. The purpose of the honeymoon stage is to hoodwink her. In the pathological’s arsenal to achieve this hooking and hoodwinking, is any person, place, thing, word, or behavior that will sell her on his illusion. While she is reeling in flattery, swimming in the bonding-hormone oxytocin (from all the sex), and snuggling up to his stories of their future lives together… the pathological is solidifying his internal imprint in her by his use of trance and capitalizing on her suggestibility. Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
ForeverLearning's picture

When your brain feels like a snow globe in the spin cycle, yes you know there are some weird love hormones on the loose! That honeymoon infatuation stage at the beginning of love is a real Hum-dinger! I did indeed notice, the honeymoon infatuation in regular relationships, while fun and intoxicating, did let me come up for air once in a while. The honeymoon infatuation with the Narc was entirely more intoxicating. Like smoking crack I suppose. Non-stop crack, 24/7. With some PCP thrown in to boot! ha ha It was way worse. My eyes actually dialated, off and on, from being in love with the Narc. I walked around looking like I had seen a ghost, my eyes looked "haunted" and were open slightly larger than normal. And that lasted most of the time, for AN ENTIRE YEAR. No joke. I had no idea my brain was capable of churning out all these wacky freaky lovey dovey hormones. It was exhausting to be honest. I probably aged 5 years in the process of living in constant elation inter-spersed with occasional dips down into absolute devastating hell. My mind was a yo-yo and he held the string around his little finger. I dont ever want to go thru that again! It is exhausting just typing about it. Weird I know. Very weird stuff. Not normal type of love infatuation. Don't ask me how it works, other than Barbara nailed it with the seduction and hypnosis information. Very real, very dangerous. And damn exhausting to live through! Now I know what a Meth addict must feel - high with little sleep for days on end, only to crash to miserable lows thereafter (when old Narcy-poo would yank the carpet out from under me). Good times!!! Never again.
Kelly's picture

The boy did EVERYTHING in Barbara's link to seduce me. I was telling my friends - I don't know what I'm feeling, but I never felt this way before. I have pictures we took together and of each other on Halloween. I literally look hypnotized! I swear! There is something about my expression that is quite different from the way I look in other pictures. These are VAMPIRES!