Feeling a bit sorry for myself....

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#1 Mar 3 - 11AM
Linny
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Feeling a bit sorry for myself....

So he’s gone. I’ve been devalued and discarded and sent into free-fall. I’m still coming to terms with what he’s done to me (or what I’ve let him do to me) and it hurts like hell. I loved him soooo much and have cried so many tears I don’t think there are any more left to cry. On at least three occasions in our relationship he’s just stopped contacting me over something trivial that was his doing and it’s always been me to contact him, apologise (!) and beg him to come back. However, I’ve now read so much about narcissism that I feel I know and understand too much to beg yet again……he never loved me and I’ve got to deal with that and accept it. Period.
But now what? His life was my life….. it was chaotic, dramatic and occasionally (when his pretend ‘nice side’ appeared) fun. He has three kids that I spent a lot of time with and due to his insistence that I didn’t need anyone else in my life but him (I know, I know…what a fool I was) I now don’t have any friends left.
So as well as resisting the urge to call him, crying over how much I loved the façade of a man, mourning the loss of a future I thought I had and just wishing things had been different……I suddenly feel there’s now nothing left for me.

It feels like I don’t know HOW to move on. It is like my life has stopped. I know I should feel relieved to have got away from him and the abuse – but it doesn’t feel like that. It feels like I’m the one being punished. I’m in my late forties, so know it’s going to be difficult to meet anyone again.
I don’t have any friends to go out with and I feel lonely. I do have moments of complete calm and inner peace….which I NEVER had when I was with him, so know the NC is the right thing and will work if I don’t give in.
Maybe I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself……but it’s like I’m missing my old life and because I don’t know how to move on I’m seeing it through rose tinted glasses. Feels like I need to ‘get a life’ but I'm scared!

Mar 3 - 12PM
Janie53
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Linny

Mar 3 - 11AM
comingundone
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Linny

Mar 3 - 11AM
Sickofhim
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Linny....

Mar 3 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
Linny
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Feeling a bit sorry for myself....

Mar 3 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
Sickofhim
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Yes...

Mar 3 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Linny
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Zumba....

Mar 3 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
Sickofhim
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YES!!!!!!

Mar 3 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
redflagswaving
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