1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. Feel pulled back down again :(

Feel pulled back down again :(

14 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Nov 12 - 10PM
Rinalda
Rinalda's picture

Feel pulled back down again :(

I'm sliding backwards. I was doing much better the last while coping with the ex-N at work. Lately I had started sleeping better, eating normally, and generally feeling good again (after the whole scenario with the OW).

I think this change in me botherd the ex-N. He has been trying to be friendly and recreate the past, but I keep him at arm's length. I laugh more and do my thing.

I guess he must be getting tired of the effort to be friendly bc this week he suddenly started ignoring me. He isn't coming by to say hello and gave me a blank, distant look the other day when I said goodbye. I know what he's doing: he's giving me what I'm giving him, the desire to be acquaintances only. We don't interact much as it is. But his change in attitude is noticeable.

I know that is actually desirable. But the upsetting part is that he is talking to a new woman with whom he has been flirting for a while. Yesterday he walked in and giggled as he passed by her. He chatted w/ her and laughed and then went back over to her desk a few minutes later to talk over something else. I could hear it though he lowered his voice. I think they were coming in from an event that, last year, I helped him with. That was a painful realization.

He has timed his conversations with me around her presence the last few months as well.

I'm not sure what is going on, but this conversation was pretty blatant. I couldn't sleep properly last night....All worked up again....

It feels like a slowly growing repeat of the horrible situation with the OW. I know I shouldn't care what the asshole does. But I don't want to witness another tryst in front of my face and I'm still FURIOUS that he appears to get more supply.....

Nov 14 - 7AM
Rinalda
Rinalda's picture

Frustrated with supply

Ewa--Good: your ex isn't getting very far with the women at work. But mine is still getting attention. This is the extremely aggravating and upsetting part. This newer woman seems interested, and he knows it. At least, she was interested a little while ago. She may have sensed something about him by now, but he was still going round to her the other day, knowing she'd engage with him. And that's the conversation that set me off again. The universe provides him supply it always seems. I'm feeling worried about Monday now....
Nov 14 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Rinalda

I think Narcs are a lot like cockroaches. And I mean no insult to cockroaches, some people have them as pets (there ARE crazier pet people out there than me). Cockroaches just like to eat, and they'll eat gourmet food or dried up moldy crumbs behind a baseboard just as happily. Cockroaches do not differentiate between "good" supply and "bad" supply. It's all supply (of food) to them. They aren't picky. My exNarc would get so excited over a new "supply", no matter how low down and disgusting it was. How he had to lie to get it, or how he was exploited and made into a fool to get it. It might help you to reframe how you think about your exNarc getting his supply. He's NOT getting something good. In fact, he doesn't even understand what is good and what is not, as long as it seems to give him attention, he's thrilled to pieces. I recommend you do some more reading about what goes on inside the mind of a Narc. It would help you reframe these sorts of thoughts that cause you unnecessary pain. He's a cockroach in a pile of crumbs. Whoopdedoo! :D
Nov 14 - 5PM (Reply to #11)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Hahahahah

I put in post a couple of days ago dont rememeber which one or what context but my little one is full of interesting facts and told me that cockroaches can live up to three weeks without their head. A narc can life a lifetime without theirs
Nov 14 - 9PM (Reply to #13)
better off
better off's picture

Also LMAO! tears in my eyes!

Also LMAO! tears in my eyes!
Nov 14 - 9PM (Reply to #12)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

LMAO!!

That is so funny, and so true!!
Nov 14 - 3PM (Reply to #9)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Hmmm,

La cucaracha!! That's what I'm going to call mine from now on! hahahahaha!
Nov 14 - 4PM (Reply to #10)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Or in the words of Al Pachino as Scarface...

Ju are a freakin Cacaroach...operative word...Caca... LOL
Nov 14 - 2PM (Reply to #7)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Cockroaches seem to serve SOME purpose..

Whereas Ns/Ps are WORTHLESS. The ex-Psych professor was rumored to be alcoholic, and during the D&D, the creepy irony was that HE was hitting the bottle- around students- while I was sober(?) An alcoholic might be a fitting analogy here. So desperate for booze- even if it's bad. Even if it's bathtub gin. "As long as it gives him attention, he's thrilled to pieces"-Unless it MOCKS him. The ex-P would only hoof it if he felt he were being mocked. When the OW and I had a pleasant conversation, he was off running. She had to catch up. He didn't even bother introducing her to his colleagues. He wasn't thrilled to pieces when the senior skit mocked him. Yes, he drank a whole bottle of beer... but he hit the road anyhow. It's like a druggie who's so desperate for a high they'll pay top $$$ for their weed, even if it's bad weed and the dealer is clearly screwing them over.
Nov 14 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Well said, Susan

Cockroaches, vultures, algae fish and other bottom feeders keep the world clean and well fertilized. Their contribution to the world ecosystem is shit. Shit is great, if that's your place in Creation. I think Narcs fall a bit short of what is expected of human beings. A human being should not be just good for shit. I think God or Whatever had higher aspirations for us than that. Which is why their "shit" is so appalling and impossible to understand. Someday, when we are all healed and indifferent, we could lobby for a special interest group to convene and create a NPD Shit for the World committee. Since they are at least good for shit, we can keep them in a big pasture and feed them reasonably enough, supply unlimited porn, pay some actress to admire them, and collect their shit to fertilize some barren cropland somewhere there are starving people. Or, considering the sheer AMOUNT of shit they produce, we could develop technology to extract the methane and provide power to remote villages. Yes, you and me, we can MAKE Narcs useful. Someday. For now, I don't give a shit :P
Nov 13 - 4AM
ewa
ewa's picture

Good News it, that pretty,

Good News it, that pretty, self confident women will not look at N, or really fast realize what he is and will wake away from him. My was (and maybe still is, because recently i do not pay attention to him) flirting with many girls at work, asking them out to the lunch..and they have all ignored him. The best really will be if you ignore him, do not look at him, do not say hello or bye unless he says it. And do not analyze his behavior, because they do not behave normal, they are psycho.
Nov 12 - 10PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

yikes

Don't what to say other than if you can get another job. I would. In fact round one that is what I did and while I went thru a depression it was way better than having to see it day after day. I know that people will say don't let him run you out of your job but sometimes you have to do what's good for your health even if its a little less money. Its hard to do great work when you are under emotional distress
Nov 12 - 10PM
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Rinalda,

Hi again!! Sorry you're feeling down. This is just a blip in your progress, and it too will pass. One thing to think about is now you know how you made him feel when you went NC on him. You want him to still have that feeling, right? Just hang in there and don't give him any supply by giving in to the desire to lash out at him. Try to stay out of his way as much as possible. He is deliberately doing this to get a reaction out of you, so don't let him win this one! Can you get up and leave when he is talking to this girl? Make it look like you have to go do something. Or if you have a radio, tune into what is on there. Something to distract you enough that you can't hear his stupid conversation. He will soon realize that you really don't care, and will get bored with the game. As far as the sleeping poorly and your agitation, they should pass in a few days. You've made so much progress, you're doing great!! You're going to be just fine through this.
Nov 12 - 11PM (Reply to #2)
Rinalda
Rinalda's picture

Thank you

Thank you for the messages. It really helps to have the support. This has been so hard and isn't letting up much. Yes, changing jobs would be good for my mental health. This has dawned on me slowly and become more of a possibility in my mind. I have started looking for a new job now but expect it will take a while. Good point about getting up and leaving while he is talking to her. Coping strategies are good to have. I truly hope I get over the anxiety and agitation. I can't think straight and am panicky. Unfortunately I think my voice (in convo with other people) conveyed some of my dismay and hurt the other day. But Monday is another day.