Fear regarding the future

I can't relate to the baby issues but trust me I understand why you feel this way. You are suffering a loss just like a death. But your loss is a relationship not your dreams. He can't take that from you unless you let him. And, the drinking and depression isn't going to help your reproduction....you might need some professional counseling at this point to get over the hump. Im sure it's hard for you to see but it wasn't your last chance. Your only 38 and your doctor said there were no fertiliy issues going on. Im sure his daughter is beautiful and smart but his parenting might not be what you think it is. If you were to talk to the childs mother I bet she would have a very differnt story.

My N KNEW how much i wanted a baby... we tried for the month of April when i was ovulating and it didnt work out. I figured that May would come and we would try again. He dumped me the day after i told him i wasnt pregnant. I recall that i was really upset on the phone and all he said was "I was interested in finding out the results.... so now i know." It made my head spin... why use the word "interested." I just kept thinking that maybe he has someone else pregnant. That is my obsession right now. Is his new girl pregnant... something i wanted so badly. I have pushed the pregnancy thoughts out of my head, however this weekend I have just cried and cried about the baby i wanted. He actually was a good father to his 2 yr old. He gave her the world.... he takes care of her so wonderfully i cant even believe it. He hugs, kisses her.... takes her to the park all the time. He is SOOOooo invested in her that he would blow me off to be with her. Whenever we did anything and she was around it was completely revolved around her... which i didnt mind- bc I loved her so much! We had so many plans and he abruptly abandoned me via email. I have never talked to him since then (May). I am so hurt... so angry. I want to scream at him for doing me that way. I didnt deserve that. I always was patient, understanding and loving with him and THIS is what he gives me... nothing. I just wanted the baby. Unlike the rest of you i dont have hope for the future. I will never be a mother- the natural way. I didnt DO anything to him. He is with someone else. Giving her what i wanted and I am left with this mess. I am just a MESS and i hate this. I get no revenge. I get no closure. I am just left here crying and broken. He has everything. When i tell you this mans daughter is unbelievably beautiful and smart, i am not exxagerating. How does he deserve that?! I am spending everyday after work, depressed, crying, drinking alcohol to get to sleep. Just wanting not to even go on anymore. What is the point?

You have many more years to have a baby. I know women who have had babies right up to "the change". A lot of women in fact get pregnant at that very time. Your trouble getting pregnant is probably temporary but having a baby with a dirtbag is forever! Be happy that you still have the chance to make your dream come true. Your dream is still alive and well. I DO NOT RECCOMEND YOU DO THIS, but i have a girlfriend that wanted to have a baby (with or without a husband) so she started having sex with only smart successful men with strong career's (in other words money)in hopes of getting pregnant with a man who could at least pay child support. Somehow, it worked. She has a baby and stable support and he has been a great dad and they coparent without drama. Of course I doubt he knows that he fell into her trap. I guess this story would encourage men to be more careful with their sperm! Like I said, don't reccomend it but it does go to show that if she can get pregnant with tricks......a true and sincere person like you has a lot to look forward to.

I have 2 girl friends who had their first child at 44 and 42 .This gives you plenty of time . Women are having children well into their 40s and in my circles its the norm . I also read that before the advent of contraception when people tended to had big families the average age of women having their last baby was 43 .Although we are lead to believe having babies in your 40s is a new thing it is not true women have always had children in their 40s right through history . My ns and i where trying for a baby , well i was anyway i dont think he gave it much thought as long as i lay on my back he was happy .I use to say to myself " i am doing this and putting up with this for the sake of my unborn child " .I believe God was watching over me as a baby never came .I have to look at this as a blessing . I wounldnt go down the artificial route but if you are going to good for you girlfriend , we could argue that if you have a good job and a nice home what do you need a man for anyway .Although we like to think we live in an age of equality lets face it women still do the majority of the work in childcare and if you want a male input in your childs life pick a reliable godfather or hire a lovely male nanny . The idea of a perfect nuclear family is rapidly becoming not the norm , i dont buy into it .There are alot of unhappy women in relationships who cling onto the dream but their lives are crap . High five feminist sister . Peru x

I know that your longing for a child is completely understandable. As women, we are wired to want to love our children, nurture them and help them grow up into the wonderful human beings they are destined to be. The chance to be a mother and raise a child is one of the best things about being a woman. Do not think that you can't ever have that. You are still young and can have the family you want. It is just that after having been through what you've just been through, it's hard to have faith that you will be able to get that. Sometimes, we have an ideal picture in our heads about what our lives should look like. If our lives don't end up or look like they're going to end up like that perfect picture, we panic. Please give yourself a chance to get through the healing process and then start thinking about the next step. I know that giving my child the best life I could was paramount. However, since her father is a Narcissist, she hasn't had the Dad Of Her Dreams.....and for that, I feel awful. Give your children the best that you can and hopefully, that includes a Dad who is really, fully present in their lives. Narcissists can't be good parents....they just don't have it in them. You never know what's around the corner. Just keep working on being the best person you can be....reaching your full potential for caring and loving and being the best YOU that you can. You'll be amazed at what that will attract in your future. You will be a wonderful mother when that time comes. Hugs, neveragain