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FB Question (Can't Find Answer at FB)

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#1 Apr 3 - 1PM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

FB Question (Can't Find Answer at FB)

I have a FB question, and I don't even know if it's possible for me to do this.

Back story:
I have completely blocked xnh, his hideous oldest P daughter, and all of his family except for his youngest daughter on FB. The youngest daughter and I have always been close, and our relationship has nothing to do with xnh, at this point. I occasionally speak to her when I see her where she works at a restaurant I frequent. Once in a while I will get a message from her, or one of us will "like" something on each others wall. We NEVER discuss anything to do with either xnh or her horrible P sister. We merely chat about her future college plans and what she's doing currently with her friends. Neither of us want the pain of re-opening our wounds. We both have them, and we both know it.

Until the other day, there has been absolutely nothing that she's done that I've found upsetting or offensive to me, and I really want to keep her in my friends list. I do NOT want to hurt her feelings in any way. Unfriending her would do this.

I recently went on a trip to see my nephew's new baby, and I posted a bunch of pictures. Xnh's youngest daughter "liked" the album. This is all fine with me. However, when I clicked on her profile to see what's new with her (yes, I know curiosity killed the cat), right at the top of her wall it was posted that she had added xnh's OW's daughter as her sister. I don't know if he's remarried after only 10 months since our divorce, or if his youngest daughter is "role playing" for some reason (she's a teenager so who knows what they're thinking sometimes - lol). Quite frankly, I don't really care. Xnh is a total idiot. Whatever flips his skirt up.

However, his youngest daughter "liking" my album got me thinking that it's very possible that she may post pictures of her hideous P sister's kid whenever she pops it out (xnh hideous P daughter is 8.5 months pregnant). My dilemma on FB is that I do NOT want to see pictures of the baby, xnh, OW, the hideous P daughter, or any of xnh's relatives shoved into my face, if this youngest daughter should post something. I've tried very hard to stay away from seeing (or hearing) any "updates" about any of this whole drama. It's very upsetting and painful to me, and I expect that the hideous P daughter will likely abuse or neglect this poor child. In addition, I am trying to heal from the pain xnh and this horrible P daughter have caused in my life for the past 16 years, and xnh's hideous P daughter's whole baby drama is likely to upset/anger me in many, many ways.

I've made a firm boundary around myself, and remain NC from anything to do with xnh or his hideous P daughter, and I don't want my recovery backsliding because I've inadvertently been exposed to any painful emotional flak concerning any of this mess via xnh's youngest daughter on FB. I don't think she would post anything to deliberately be mean to me, but seeing it will hurt and upset me nonetheless.

So my question is:
Does anyone here know if it's possible make xnh's youngest daughter "invisible" to me whenever I get onto FB without actually "unfriending" or "blocking" her? I want to maintain whatever relationship I currently have with this girl, but I do NOT want inflicted with hurtful (to me) pictures/comments about the hideous P daughter or her baby. Does anyone know if I can hide one of my own friends from my view without unfriending them? Help!

Apr 3 - 3PM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

Thanks Shortway and Finally

Thanks Shortway and Finally Faced It. I've now hidden her from my news feed. This should help some. I suppose I could ask her to not post her albums to me. Maybe, I'm trying to tread too lightly with her, but I don't want to say or do anything that would "rock the boat". We've always been close, and I could possibly talk to her. However, since the divorce from xnh, I mainly see her at her work, and messages through email and FB. I'm trying to maintain contact with her that she's comfortable having (not intruding into her business more than she wants or make her uncomfortable by having to avoid certain topics - xnh, her sister, etc.). Like me, she's had enough abuse from xnh and her (grossly favored) hideous P sister to last her a lifetime. I'm sure she has some wounds that run really deep. Thus, my stance since the divorce has been to maintain an "open door" policy with her. We keep contact on a friendly basis, and my door is open if she'd like for more of a relationship. I've pointedly let her know that she's free to call, come see me, meet for lunch, whatever she'd like. I welcome her with open arms. Xnh's D&D, his abusive behavior, his cheating, and the breakup of our marriage has been traumatic in many ways for both myself and xnh's youngest daughter. I lost my marriage. She lost the family group, she mostly grew up in. I sense that she's torn between maintaining contact with me, resenting her sister's gross favoritism during her entire life (but still wanting to remain "loyal" to both her and xnh), and xnh "pumping her" for information if he ever gets wind that we've talked to each other. The poor girl is pretty much stuck between a rock and hard place. Since she's about to graduate from high and go to college in another city, I don't want to eliminate FB as one of my few remaining ways to contact her. She'll be quitting her job here in town soon and leaving. Thus, I won't be seeing her at work when I go to lunch any longer. Like you, Finally, I'm not a fan of Facebook either. Both it and Myspace had been a royal pain my backside for years trying to monitor xnh's hideous P daughter's drug activities. I actually most likely wouldn't remain on Facebook at all, except that my only nephew lives out of state and his wife just had their first baby. He's notoriously bad about writing, calling, sending picture, etc. FB is my main form of contact with him and his new family. I guess with xnh's youngest daughter, hiding her from my news feed and trying to be self-disciplined about NOT looking at her wall are probably my best options for the moment. :)

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Apr 3 - 2PM
Finally Faced It
Finally Faced It's picture

You have options...

You can hide her from automatically coming up on your newsfeed (scroll back to one of her status updates on your newsfeed, hover and there should be a drop-down that says something like "hide this person in my newsfeed"). Then you would't inadvertently see her posts or photos. HOWEVER, as long as you are still friends with her, you will be able to look at her page at anytime. So, that would then depend on your willpower of not being tempted to take a "quick peek". Mystwoman, have you considered just leaving Facebook for a while? It truly can become self-inflicted torture and, of course, it's a narcissistic playground. Is Facebook bringing you enough joy to outweigh the anxiety it's causing you? Or, as close as you are with your xnh's youngest daughter...wouldn't she understand if you explained that you would love to keep in touch with her, but just not on Facebook. She's a teenager, not sure this would phase her. A final option...explain to her that you know it will inevitably cause you pain to see photos of xnh, hpd & baby...ask if she would mind NOT making these albums visible to you. That process would be simple on her end (she would put custom album settings as "album can be seen by friends except mystwoman". I'm personally just over the whole Facebook thing. Hope this helped & let us know! FFI
Apr 3 - 1PM
shortway2
shortway2's picture

You can go on your wall

You can go on your wall setting and put her name in to X her out of your wall notifications.then her posts and all won't show up on your wall..I do that for boring people I don't really care about hearing what they do all day..lol