Falling for the False Self

Falling for the false self.

I was reading this article on the Narc Mothers :
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq64.html

It discusses the False self and wrote:
"a person possessed by a False Self has no functioning True Self."

I know that the EXN completely changed overnight. I was taken back by the marked change in his personality. It was dark. Now I see from this article that this was his real "true" self and there was nothing there. Nothing. He was void, vacant, distant, cold, withdrew, withheld, silence. When really this was him showing me his true self. His words, when I asked about what was going on with him - the reason he gave was that he was having a hard time dealing with leaving me. I wondered why he was already leaving me while still physically BEING with me. His rageful response to my bewilderment was basically "This is ME, deal with it!". I really see this interaction as him really showing me who he was for the very 1st time.

Everything I knew about his character was his false self, a string of lies, all concocted to produce supply and ego stroking. He was the center of attention and he loved that. But after that last party, and my returning to work, he was no longer the center of attention. He wasn't upset about leaving me, he never cared about me, he can't love. He was feeling the after affects of the NS build up and explosion of intense attention and admiration (from my family and myself).

I remember wondering how he could of told me he loved me, why he told me so often. It was to "secure" me. Did I finally belive that he loved me? would it take 500 I love u's or a 1000? or just 10? As SOON AS I BELIVED and TRUSTED he loved me the bottom fell out. But the bottom was always going to fall out, as every relationship he has had has gone the same way.

I began to catch on (but had no idea about narcs)My gut was screaming that something was going on. That he was lying. I actually said to him "are you sure you are being 100% honest with me?" I didn't need to find anything after that comment. I believe that comment alone broke the "false self" facade he had going on with me. He became deflated after I said that. Withdrew all affectinon. He was never the same person that he presented himself to be. It was downhill very fast.

I am just now understanding who is really is -his REAL self, so much after the fact. Learning who he is really is by my own judgement of him. I have always been a fair person. I am not perfect.

His true self is truely empty. I was an object to him, no different than a car or a sofa it seems. I served a purpose of supply and when I just scratched the surface of his lies it seems he folded into himself, never able to project the false self again with the same energy and vigor as when it started. If I was not totally inlove and enamored with the false self, buying each lie, then he just dissapeared.

I don't admire people that lie to me. I don't admire people that hurt me. There was no more supply if I was distrustful. Hence the importance from him to get me to trust him and believe in him.