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#1 Nov 28 - 1PM
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Facebook

Hi All,

I just want to remind you all of something that just hit me this morning. Mutual friends on Facebook. I got pictures from a FB friend of a party he had and there was XN all over (posing for the camera, of course) with the new GF hanging all over him. I have not unfriended this person, but I have blocked his news feed. If I feel tempted to look at his feed, though, I will unfriend him. I have to look out for me.

Seeing this really threw me into a tailspin. Not because I want him back, but to see him having fun with someone while I am alone trying to deal with the aftermath of what he put me through. This really pisses me off!! He's the jerk and I'm the nice person here! Grrrr! And while I knew all along that he had someone else, seeing it right there was too much. I knew when he broke up with me he had someone else, because he would not give up something for nothing. He would have kept ignoring me like he had for the last 3 weeks. But he needed to make sure I didn't do anything to mess up his new deal. I know in the end he will be the unhappy one, that no one will ever be perfect enough for him, but right now he seems happy and I hate that! I don't want him to ever have a happy moment in his life.

Okay, enough of the vent. I'm alright now. I'm going to go decorate my Christmas tree. That will make me happy.

Just make sure you at least block news feeds of people where he may show up on FB or Myspace, and if you're tempted to look, delete them. I don't want this happening to anyone else.

MsVulcan

Nov 29 - 12AM
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Also

I wanted to note that if you have a mutual friend in common and arent direct friends with the Narc and your FB profile is set so 'friends of friends' can view it then he probably can see your page. I think that is why my Narc told me he knew of all the guys I was talking to and called me a hypocrite ...I have since changed my profile so only friends can see it. The Narc delted me last Xmas eve and I refused to add him again...the same with myspace. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Nov 28 - 3PM
Monica
Monica's picture

I refuse to look.....

My xN and I never friended each other. And I refuse to look at is Facebook page because I know it would send me into a tailspin, too, and I won't put myself through that. A mutual friend tried to friend me and I have been ignoring his friend request for at least 6 months now. I will not even friend anyone who would be a mutual friend. I don't want to know what xN is doing and I don't want him knowing my business, either. Just thinking about what happened to you....I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, knowing how I would feel if I saw that, too. I refuse to go there! Like Barbara said, it's contact.
Nov 28 - 4PM (Reply to #8)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Well I think I have removed

Well I think I have removed every window of contact from XN. I unfriended the friend, then I made sure everything was blocked. I checked and re-checked. LOL I'm leaving here in a little while to finish up my Christmas shopping then I am meeting friends for dinner and drinks. We will have a good time. Lots of laughs. That's just what the Dr. ordered.
Nov 28 - 5PM (Reply to #9)
Monica
Monica's picture

I am so happy to hear you unfriended the mutual friend!

We don't need to be putting ourselves into a tailspin with something like Facebook. We deserve to move on and heal and enjoy life! I hope you had fun with your Christmas shopping and friends. You are exactly right...that is just what the Dr. ordered!! It is the absolute best thing for us right now. Today I spent the day getting out all my Christmas decorations and starting to put some up. Tomorrow I will go out with friends and have a great time. The xN is not worth my time or my thoughts. And nothing is worth losing ground in my recovery.
Nov 28 - 1PM
BlueMoon
BlueMoon's picture

yuck facebook...

Oh yea...we had some facebook drama...my advice...just defriend him...he knows what he is doing will hurt you. Defriend mutual friends and explain to them that you do not want to see tagged pictures of him. If they know the deal of what he is really like, they will understand. If not, then they are not your friends to begin with. He defriended me on impulse to hurt me...which I am sure he now regrets because he cannot spy into my personal life. Take every opportunity to get the sensory input of him out of your face. I deleted and threw away all pictures of him, washed my sheets, threw out all of his papers, deleted all of the work I had done for him for his (flailing) businesses, deleted the taxes that I did for him. Get him out of your head in the tangible ways that you can, at this point, control.
Nov 28 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

You're right, Blue Moon

You're right, Blue Moon. I should just unfriend him. I thought about that after the fact, that he knew I would see those pictures and it should upset me, unless he's heard otherwise about me. LOL Who knows what is being said? And I know he's got an idea that they met while I was still in the picture. I unfriended the XN right away, and he just unfriended my daughter in the last week or so. I think he didn't want her seeing anything posted that she could pass on to me that would make me go away FOREVER. I mean, he already emailed me the day before Thanksgiving, trying to keep contact just in case. Does his GF know this? I'll bet not. I totally deleted my Myspace page as he was the only reason I was on there. What he doesn't know, was that I was done forever anyway. There will be no more going back and forth repeating the same old patterns. He can make new patterns with her. And the next one, and the next. Eventually he will end up alone and he won't be able to find me. I have blocked email and texting from him. And he's too much of a coward to call. And the only place I don't have caller ID is at work. But right now it just makes me angry that he is happy!!! I don't want him to be. I just want him to be miserable and alone rotting away into the sorry old, pathetic, selfish A-hole he is. I hope she starts nagging him soon for a commitment.
Nov 28 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

facebook

if you go through the message board here - there's lots of posts about Facebook drama. LOOKING AT HIS PROFILE ON FACEBOOK IS CONTACT. Defriend and block him. Block anyone who might be passing him information. Make you Facebook settings TOTALLY PRIVATE so only people you approve can see the data. and No Contact ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Nov 29 - 2AM (Reply to #5)
mmacali (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

MTV Barbara, I just found

MTV Barbara, I just found this site today and I have been on it ALL day. I had absolutely no idea there was an actual verified, real disorder (I thought narcissism was staring at yourself in the mirror and saying, "I love me!"). Ironically, I been telling my N for years that he is narcissistic not even realizing the magnitude of how insightful my assessment really was (he thought it was a compliment!). Before I visited this site I came to the realization that if I leave this time (4 th time) I have to leave emotionally as well or it won't work. I panicked - this meant ZERO contact, changing of email address, cell phone, alerting anyone who is a casual mutual contact, etc...forever and ever. That's when I went online to find out how to excute that and stick with it through the CERTAIN upcoming moments of weakness. But, after reading all this information, it most likely will be MUCH easier if he can't find you. He won't spend but a couple minutes looking before he finds your replacement anyway...it's the low-hanging fruit you leave out there that will prove to be the culprit. Knowing that I was with a sick person that can't be helped (not even they can help themseleves) is a pretty profound reality that I will never be able to ignore in my mind. It's amazing. I will put a lot of energy into the no contact step as I exit. I almost feel like there is hope for me again. I gave up long ago...but hello - not today or tomorrow, or the next day!
Nov 28 - 11PM (Reply to #4)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

I had unfriended the N right

I had unfriended the N right away, but we had 3 mutual friends who I didn't unfriend. One of them was my daughter, the other lives in another state, and the third was this guy. I saw stuff he was posting and it was all random crap like everyone has, until today. So now he is not my FB friend anymore. You're right, even if you think someone is safe, they aren't.
Nov 28 - 6PM (Reply to #3)
BlueMoon
BlueMoon's picture

The no contact is not only

The no contact is not only for contact with him, but contact to anything that may trigger ptsd symptoms, including looking at him in any visual images.