Ex came back

11 posts / 0 new

#1 Dec 30 - 5PM

shyloh

Ex came back

Ex sent me an email on Christmas of a love song speaking of regret and how he wished I were in his arms, he wants me back, etc.
The last time I saw him I told him that when he visits D he no longer can stay at my house because I have feelings for him.
Well now he tells me he wants me back and wants us to find jobs in the same state.
I have been wanting this to happen for so long but now I feel so confused and anxious. I also feel very sickenned by the fact that when I divorced him I begged him to get help and find a job in my state but he went through with the divorce after he met his GF. Looks like they are done now and he comes back to me.
I feel like I sold 'sold myself out' by telling him I still had feelings, etc.
This is what they do, huh? They come back for narcisist supply when their needs are not being met elsewhere? They can never have their un met needs met and just look and look for it, it seems? Is that all it is to them? Can they ever be happy?

#2 Jan 2 - 1PM

ruby01 (not verified)

shyloh

Think of him as a huge, egotistical, self centered, spoiled BRAT! No nothing will EVER measure up to their unobtainable desire for perfection.

#3 Jan 2 - 12PM

spinning

Shyloh, whatever is going on in his

self-centered mind, here is the bottom line truth: YOU DO NOT BELONG IN THE RECYCLE BIN. He needs to find his supply elsewhere. Period. It's all about you now, Shyloh. Your firmed up your boundaries and he's pushing them back. Plain and simple. This freak wants to keep you in the supply loop. Too bad, so sad. Shyloh is not recyclable! Most sincerely, (not) spinning. BECAUSE I KNOW TOO MUCH TO SPIN FOR THESE DISORDERED FREAKS!

spinning

#4 Jan 1 - 11PM

Dee30

everytime they devalue and discard i think it gets worse

I got reeled back in second time round my narc exbf and 2 and half years later i had a devastating breakup and the heartache was sooooo much painful because once they reel u back in the play their games more worse than before..thats what i found with my narc..so be careful

#5 Jan 1 - 1AM

nomoredenial

the e sent me video clips to songs last week

and told me which parts to watch (about the man missing the woman and the the family getting back together, All I said was oh thats sad. this week I told him he needs to buy the kids food, says he cant. Songs dont mean shit!

#6 Dec 31 - 5AM

shyloh

Thank you all. so much to

Thank you all. so much to read through and absorb and think about. I know you are all right. I left my ex, we were separated for 3 years prior to me filing for divorce. As I said I begged him up until the day of signing the papers to get help and move up near me. He had been looking for work for a year (pilot)but 2 months before our divorce was filed he met ow and this made it seem to me that the icing on the cake was that he was with this ow. Is this cheating? I never thought of ex as a cheater-but then again I wouldnt be surprised with anything he did, because of the other things he did. So, you are also saying, no way no how, no change??? And what one of you said regarding begging your ex abuser to be your friend , pretty much what I did. Now it makes me feel ill because at the time I was in such a bad place and didnt think highly of myself that I would try and get him to stay. I am not at the pt where I would cry at his funeral.( I know that I am still working on that aspect of myself and that it probably appears on the outside I have lots of work to do becasue I still love this kind of person, (or facade).' The article about 'Hoovering is not a compliment is on my reading list today Thank you all

#7 Jan 3 - 12PM (Reply to #6)

Monica

YES...no way, no how, no change.....

When mine came back to me I blocked him from all angles. I could not block him from my work phone. He got through to me and got to me. I caved. It was his best hoover yet. He was in therapy. He was on meds. Admitting all the lies he had told even though I already knew all of them and just didn't tell him I knew. Admitted terrible things he had done in his marriage...again, I already knew all of it. He bared his soul to me. Total honesty. I gave him another chance. His "change" lasted a couple of months. That was it. When he went off his meds he didn't tell me but I knew it. He was slowly creeping back to his old narc/psychopathic self. This time it almost killed me, literally. But I walked out and closed the door. That was in March. He still tries to hoover now and then...using phone numbers I don't recognize, referring people to me at my work. But he has been warned now. STOP. Do not contact me in any way every again. I am keeping records. I will take action against him if he ever tries again. They may change for a few days, a few weeks, maybe a few months. But NEVER permanently. If we just keep in mind at all times that everything they tell us is a lie and a ploy and a manipulation and that they will hurt us more each time we cave into their con....then we can break away for good.

#8 Dec 30 - 7PM

Layla

Their "needs"..........

No, they can never have "their needs" met because they lack the humility and insight to see that the void within themselves can only be filled by themselves but you need to love your TRUE SELF to fill it.....and they stomped that "person" out a long time ago. Their false self that they replaced their true self with roams the world destroying good people while they try to be "happy"...which of course is a total joke because there it is again, happiness can only truly start to be cultivated from within and cannot be given to us by another person....it's all one big clusterfukk if you ask me.........I'd rather think about shoe shopping........... Don't you dare think otherwise- this guy is a total user and game player....seriously? Now he is sending you love songs.....you begged this guy..........I feel for you so much because I remember "begging" my husband (ABUSER!!!) to "just be a friend to me".....how horribly sad is that??? And I am not bitter, but if something awful were to happen to him, let's just say I would only be wearing sunglasses at his funeral so people wouldn't see that I WASN'T crying..........they are all game players, users and abusers......how he was on his WORST day with you is WHO HE IS. ALWAYS. love~ Layla

#9 Dec 30 - 6PM

Goldie

Please do not set yourself up for a second fall

Once a cheater always a cheater, you know a person's charactor by their prior behavior. He is lonely now because OW woman most likely did not put up with his games so he comes crying back to you "pretending" that he now see's the light and all is well. I bet he told you that SHE was not all that. Hmmm she was all that enough for him to leave his wife. Don't play the pawn again. He will do this to you again, they always do. He is the same man who left you and divorced you. No offense but a "love song" is hardly anything of any substance in which to base a life. ACTIONS not WORDS my dear. Don't even consider giving out your fruits again so freely to a selfish man. If a man is STILL selfish by his age; he ain't changing anytime soon. You are being conned here by a man who f up BIG TIME; only problem is, he is still the SAME PERSON. He'll "CHANGE" just long enough to get his BIG FAT FOOT back in the door and BACK IN THE BIG BED and then it will be back to the same ole same. Take it from one who knows and has read and heard hundreds of similar stories. It is always the same ending; the only time that it does not end like this is in THE MOVIES. This is NOT a movie; this is your life. Stop talking to him, he does NOT deserve your time. You ego is most likely bruised by being dumped for OW. This is a reflection of HIM not YOU. HE did not have the values and the integrity to honor his marriage VOWS. I say: screw him. You will heal in time and if you take him back, you may never heal. Because twice WILL NOT be the charm. God bless, Goldie

#10 Dec 30 - 7PM (Reply to #3)

Layla

AMEN TO THIS!!

Amen!!!! Right on all the way............ love~ Layla

#11 Dec 30 - 5PM

You lie

Stay Strong!!

I know we all hope for this - at least in the beginning but stop and think. There is a reason why it doesn't feel or seem right. He is using you - and just like before as soon as the next supply comes around he will be gone and you will have to start the healing over. I know this must be VERY hard.......I think I miss my exN but am learning from this site that I miss who I thought he was. Who I wanted him to be. Read Lisa's book and write in your journal and on here. It really does work. Please stay strong - hasn't he hurt you enough? You are worthy of real love. Hugs

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