1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. Every Time I Feel Good . . .

Every Time I Feel Good . . .

6 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Mar 16 - 6PM
MandyM
MandyM's picture

Every Time I Feel Good . . .

Just last night, I was thinking - wow. I really feel good. I feel myself letting go and moving on. I know I wasn't wrong. I know it's all for him to live with. I don't really hurt anymore. I don't think of him nearly as often as I used to, and not the same way. I don't obsess anymore. I don't knock myself out trying to figure it all out. I'm happy. I feel like my old self.

Why is it that every time I seem to consciously acknowledge all of that to myself, I wake up the next day feeling like I've got a wet blanket draped over me?

I can't explain how it feels. Not missing him, not hurting, just . . . oppressive, almost. Like a black cloud.

Why does that happen?

Mar 17 - 1PM
jen79
jen79's picture

Mandy

Because we thought this is a goal to reach. But its not. Its not a place, a somewhere, where you finally arrive and then all things are good. I know exactly what you are talking about. I think the trick about this is, to let life flow again. With all the bad and the good. It has been this way before you met him, you just dont remember it anymore. There were good and bad days, you felt anxious too, sometimes sad, and sometimes happy, sometimes tired, sometimes happy and excited. We dont remember that anymore, we think in terms of before we met him, and after, and before seems like a far dream, and then after we met him, there is only this pain and suffer and ongoing drama. But life is like that, it sucks sometimes and somtimes its wonderful. Its about this flow, about letting it flow down the river, and not expecting to reach a certain point, cause we will never. I hope this makes sense, I cant put it into words that easily, it just appeared to me last week.
Mar 16 - 7PM
MandyM
MandyM's picture

Maybe I just need to not let

Maybe I just need to not let myself think that stuff. Just don't even articulate the thoughts of him. I'm happier and freer when I'm not thinking about him in any depth.
Mar 16 - 7PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

I have nothing to add! I feel

I have nothing to add! I feel the same! :(
Mar 16 - 7PM
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Mandy M

I know what you mean. I think that it comes in waves. The happy, the sad, all of it. Maybe it's just our bodies trying to get back into the swing of things. Trying to get back to some sense of normalcy. Coming down, from the clouds, and out of the fog. It really does feel strange lately.
Mar 16 - 7PM
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Mandy

I did that today! I had a great day at work and he finally left me alone! (Praise the Lord) I've been happy and stress free and so proud of myself. I didn't obsess about him or snoop! I was so proud. When I left work I was still singing on the way home and in the best mood and proud of my accomplishments for the day! About an hour ago I felt like a dark cloud moved over me. I'm not crying or really sad......it's just different. What's up with that? Every time I feel happy and confident I think I'm finally on the road to where I need to be and those feelings move back in. SO WEIRD! I am better than a few weeks ago. No tears! Hope you have another good day tomorrow! Maybe we'll start having more good days than bad days!! Hugs to you! Sara