Even if Healed Will We Still Be Triggered?

Hi Michelle, This is sort of a duplicate answer that I posted on another thread a few days ago. But I've been NC for 5 years. I've moved on and just married a wonderful man and we have a normal, healthy relationship. I'm as "healed" as I can possibly be. However, sporatically (with months/years inbetween) the N will show up -- either we'll cross paths at a local store or recently he's been showing up at my husband's band gigs at the local bar/grill. Even though I ignore him and I'm surrounded by friends and have a fantastic life, I get an adreneline rush that I think is a panic attack. It's an involuntary reaction and I can't control it from happening - even though luckily I can control myself from showing it until I'm in private. Sometimes, if he's with someone, all of the inferiority feelings come back again even though I have a better life, better job, more friends, more fun, and better hair. :) It's really strange that this happens, which is why I'm back on the boards. (He's shown up lately at my husband's last 3 band gigs) The last time went better and I'm hoping that perhaps I'll eventually become immune completely. But so far not so good. Anyways, I'm sure it's different for everyone, but I suspect that everytime I see the N I'll have some sort of PTSD reaction. Even if I didn't feel anything, the fact that I'd have to tell someone I saw him and didn't have a reaction is still a reaction. Know what I mean? And I bet it's pretty common for alot of us. I suspect that other people who have recovered from emotional addictions like gambling or hoarding, etc, get triggered their whole lives, too. XOXO, FF2BM

today im really counting the cost of the past 8 years. cant get citizenship may have lost my rights to my own country it really sucks starting to feel like no one can understand this stress,. Imagine you were stateless and lost your own rights to your American citizenship on top of being Narced how would you feel?? Answer the question truthfully and dont try to give me solutions because you really dont know, even grasp the complexity help on that issue.

You're already ahead of the game in that you've identified your PTSD. PTSD is treatable and it begins with being kind and compassionate with yourself. I think you can recover enough to put it behind you but it's work. With time, education, blogs, spiritual work, exercise, healthy relationships and supportive people, your life will be so much better. There may be times when you're triggered but nothing like what you've experienced with N. I went into several relationships carrying the untreated PTSD with me. For the longest, I didn't know I had it because I didn't have time for me. There were certain behaviors in others that would trigger me and my pattern of partners was one abuser after another. The only good thing was that my tolerance for BS diminished. That is, until I met the last N. He triggered all my old wounds, many of which went back to age 5/6. In other words, he woke up my pain bodies. The good thing about N's is that they show us all the places within ourselves where we carry unresolved issues. They reflect back the good and bad and open our doors for an opportunity for deeper self exploration. At first, I blamed N for all my suffering but the truth of the matter is that most of my wounds existed before he came along. All he did was pour salt in them while sadistically enjoying the show. They love seeing others in pain.

Well, I am not in a healthy relationship right now....but I am 18 months out....... This is my opinion..... I think that over time.....it becomes a "reminder" NOT a "trigger". I mean, something may happen to remind us of where we have been, we remember how shitty it was etc........it hurts somewhat to remember it......BUT it doesn't trigger us in the sense that it sends us into an emotional relapse. I don't know if that makes sense? But, that's my thoughts! lol xoxo

michelle, i think this is a good question. i am at about the same place as you in my recovery-i have been truly out of the relationship for 19 months, graduated from 3 years of therapy, not looking for a relationship etc...and i am still at times triggered. i am so healthy now and happy with the person i've become. i don't have any desire to be with or see the N ever again and yet....i am still at times triggered. i also wonder if i will ever not be jaded about men in general. it is my hope that we will be trigger/PTSD free some day!