The end

Eventually it all does come to an end. when you finally see that the pain of having him in your life outweighs the pain that he is gone, it is the end. I did not know what love was until him. nor did I know what hate was. nor have I ever felt so miserable as when he was in my life, or these two past years, since. I know that I made mistakes. For sure. I know it. But the fact that I no longer would want him in my life even if he wanted to be, it's too late. That I no longer want him in my life even though, it is what I want more than anything, tells me what kind of person he really is.
Don't ever quit on NC. It is the only way that you will truly heal a and see it all for what it is.