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The Emperor Has No Clothes

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#1 Oct 7 - 11AM
Silverandgold
Silverandgold's picture

The Emperor Has No Clothes

Someone reminded me this morning of the story of the Emperor's New Clothes. In case you can't remember this fable, here is a summary of it from Wikipedia:

"An Emperor who cares for nothing but his appearance and attire hires two tailors who promise him the finest suit of clothes from a fabric invisible to anyone who is unfit for his position or "just hopelessly stupid". The Emperor cannot see the cloth himself, but pretends that he can for fear of appearing unfit for his position; his ministers do the same. When the swindlers report that the suit is finished, they mime dressing him and the Emperor then marches in procession before his subjects, who play along with the pretense. Suddenly, a child in the crowd, too young to understand the desirability of keeping up the pretense, blurts out that the Emperor is wearing nothing at all and the cry is taken up by others. The Emperor cringes, suspecting the assertion is true, but holds himself up proudly and continues the procession."

Hans Christian Andersen said that the way he wrote the story was inspired by a real-life incident: "In 1872, he recalled standing in a crowd with his mother waiting to see King Frederick VI. When the king made his appearance, Andersen cried out, "Oh, he’s nothing more than a human being!" His mother tried to silence him by crying, "Have you gone mad, child?"

The narcissist who used to be in my life is a teacher, and he still has a large and loyal following. Having gotten to know him much better than most of his students do, or the parents who bring them to his classes do, I am now amazed at the respect he commands from everyone around him. Because I know his respectable qualities are utterly false. He has no clothes, and it's now so glaringly obvious to me. I think it's something he's constantly aware of himself. But it's amazing to me that he is able to keep up the charade -- that, in fact, he's so good at it.

Underneath my anger at him, I feel embarrassed for him. And amazed at my own (past) gullibility, and the gullibility of everyone around him. Instead of working so hard to convince everyone he's wearing clothes, I wish he would just put some actual clothes on.

Oct 7 - 2PM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

As my ex-P got older

He would dress himself in much more expensive, finer, high end label clothes and feel that he deserved more respect for it because he was able to do so. He loved the attention/compliments from everybody. But there is one thing he could never do and that was look himself in the eye in a full length mirror. Which I always found extremely confusing. He never, ever could look at himself full on and would even tilt the mirror to avoid his face. Maybe he just couldn't face his reflection because he knew what he was, a fake. Dee x
Oct 7 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
Silverandgold
Silverandgold's picture

That's so interesting, Dee

My guy loved to look at himself in a mirror -- it was making eye contact that was hard for him. He would do it only sporadically, and then it was usually in a display of his dominance. When I was having a conversation with him, he would constantly look away. It made me feel awkward. I attributed it to shyness, or to finding me hard to look at in some way, but I no longer think it was either of those things. I think it was shame.
Oct 7 - 12PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

silver and gold

THAT fable my mother always read to me and as soon as I knew the guy I had spent 15 years with, was indeed a narc, all I could think of was that fable!! They are all show, all superficial, all about appearance, to hide an empty inside of their very being, glad you brought that up!!!I do wonder if Hans was on to narcissism back then like Robert Louis Stevenson and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde................
Oct 7 - 12PM
Silverandgold
Silverandgold's picture

The More I Think About This Story...

...the more perfectly I think it describes the wasted life of the narcissist: * The preoccupation with image, rather than with own's real, personal substance. * The viewing of everyone around you as a member of your audience, rather than as someone whose life you have the power (and the responsibility) to enrich. * The vulnerability of depending upon that audience, since a perceptive person can expose you at any time. * The diminishment of everyone around you, which comes from encouraging them to focus on you (out of fear of being diminished or made fools of themselves. * The vain person's vulnerability to swindlers who can take advantage of his vanity. * The wasted life. The Emperor should be taking care of his subjects, caring about them, rather than trying to get attention and admiration for himself from them. The very last part of the story, when the Emperor hears the truth but ignores it and (embarrassingly) continues on, says it all.
Oct 7 - 11AM
Used
Used's picture

i have always like this

i have always like this story, tho i never realy got it until i met narc.......I made him feel so special,he like the EMPERER believed everything i said....until he didnt...b/c like the EMPERER, he was so gullible, and he was such a player, his beign gullible always suprised me....he had no logic at all...where i am very logical,the things i had to point out to him where so wierd....he was so up his own arse, i suppose HE COULDNT SEE ANYTHING BUT HIM SELF..
Oct 7 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Gullibility

It's interesting that the original poster mentions the former narcissist in their life was a teacher... so is mine. The ex-Psych prof cared SO MUCH about his image as a philosopher, he had his circle of male groupies, and he cared more about attention/admiration (even hatred-he got off on the fact his students despised him) than ACTUALLY teaching. And then there's gullibility. A classmate&I pulled a minor prank on him... we claimed to be cousins (we weren't)... we kept it going for several months... and when I let the cat out of the bag, the ex-P was *SHOCKED.* Yet he expected me to believe everything he said. He believed I had read all of "War and Peace" because I had read parts of the first epilogue (I hadn't read the whole thing) He was so PARANOID at the prospect of me reading his favoritest novel ever that my senior class was assigned "Anna Karenina." After the final D&D, I got the ex-P excited about the senior skit. The senior skit traditionally mocks the professors. He LOVED seeing his colleagues mocked. So, my senior year, I got him revved up. I told him the final scene was EXTRA SPECIAL. Okay, the final scene ridiculed him&his habit of running away. He got up and RAN OUT. The ex-P couldn't endure being the subject of ridicule. Don't worry, I gave him the recap the next day. The ex-P was amazingly gullible. Sheesh, if I told him I was pining over him and weeping nightly over his absence, I bet he'd believe me. Of course, he would also get the LOL follow-up. I'm getting ideas for sick pranks... stop me...