Email from him
Email from him
Ok, this is at the beginning of the "manipulation phase". You need to know that HE wanted to get married, in my opinion marriage is not indispensable but I got enthusiastic when he ordered brochures from Gretna Green (famous Scottish wedding venue) and we had more or less planned out the whole thing including when we were going to live together and where and maybe start planning for a family etc. etc.
Until... all of a sudden he did a 180 and didn't think it was a good idea to get married yet. I had no idea what hit me, I pulled back and told him that I never really wanted to get married anyway, that I was happy with the way things were going for me at work and my social life. In other words leaving the ball in his court
See if you can analyse this. Please apply the following tactics: "trivialising", "reversing truths", "blaming me for what HE did", "focusing on MY behaviour", "making me feel guilty".
Honey B,
Don't know why but I'm getting a bad feeling.
I don't want to get all serious about nothing, probably just the fact that I've been sat in all weekend with too much time on my hands as I said, but you seem a little distant.
Since new year I feel that I've hit a bit of a brick wall about the whole marriage thing and don't know what to do. I feel like I've had the 'rug pulled from under my feet' by you telling me that you don't want to get married ...so is there no point me asking? I wouldn't want to ask and be rejected!
I don't know how you feel about as it appears to be off the agenda for discussion, which is not a bad thing necessarily as long it is not creating any resentment under the surface. Again I just don't know, but with too much time to think, and without you here with me, it can often start to appear worse than it really is.
It makes me happy that you are getting so much satisfaction from your work now, and that you're colleagues are so cool. Maybe it just makes me unsettled that I'm competing with so much more now to have you with me. Are you still keen to come to Brunssum/Maastricht?
If nothing else just let me know what is going through your head every now and again. After talking to you on Thursday night I feel that E-J probably knows more about your dilemmas and concerns than I do, and that can't be good for us.
I'm only concerned because I want things to work for us, but it takes two to talk.
x
So I tried to phone him up, wrote an email in which I explained my behaviour, made sure I took into concern his wishes and needs and stated my own while using "I"- messages. No response, not to the e-mail, not to the phone calls.
So I wrote him an e-mail saying:
yes, it takes two to talk but if you're not there... there's nothing much to talk about now is there...?
His reply was:
Yes, and as much as I'd love to be I'm not superman and haven't been issued with my helicopter yet... Hope you're feeling better today.
x
....
get the picture? they just spin reality... really...
The Narcs Disdain for Reality
thank you