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#1 Jan 12 - 12PM
under his thumb
under his thumb's picture

email

so i broke down and sent him this long email yesterday explaining where i was at emotionally. not that he will get it at all! going on about how i needed a few months to work on myself, my issues, before i could do anything else. i did this to buy enough time to figure out my next move with the lawyer! i tried to make an appt for separation papers but was told there was no point if he would not agree, which he will not! i am at a loss. so frustrating. so sent the email telling him no "talking" unless it pertained to the kids. no asking how i am, no telling me how miserable he is, that all of this was pushing me further away. he calls when he gets it crying, calls again around dinner, sends an email back, tells my son he wants to talk to me after he is done. "i just want to make sure you know how much i love you and never meant to hurt you" i just don't get how their brain does not comprehend how 8 years of neglect and abuse can not wear a person down to the point of not wanting them anymore!!! now i just get an email for victoria's secret "really like this dress, would look great on you" are you kidding?!? i could walk around butt naked and he would fuss that he couldn't see the tv! when things really hit bottom and i had lost weight and got sick from stressing out he told me i needed to start working out again. it just baffles me... i cannot wait for the day i can stick to NC without fear of being kicked out of my own house or worse, him moving back in!

Jan 12 - 1PM
peaches
peaches's picture

Why can't you go NC?

What do you mean about not getting kicked out or him moving back in? In my experience having contact or being nice doesn't have anything to do with how the marital property gets divided. It would be really tough to have to listen to all that pity party crap and hoovering. Like you did this to him!
Jan 12 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
under his thumb
under his thumb's picture

legally we have nothing in

legally we have nothing in place. we both trade in and out of the home when parenting. he stays with a friend for 9 days while i have the kids and i stay with my mother for 5 days while he has them. it was the only way i could get him out of the house at all! without the 5k to pay for an attn. i feel like my hands are tied.
Jan 12 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
peaches
peaches's picture

That sound like a tough situation

I know I couldn't have done it. Best Wishes and good luck to you. Have you considered filing for divorce without a lawyer? When I was getting mine, there were couples in court doing their own and I thought I could have saved a lot of money doing it myself, but I was not emotionally or physically strong enough. You sound like you are! I hope he honors the boundaries you put out about only talking about the kids, but if's he's the reason you're on this site then I have my doubts
Jan 12 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
under his thumb
under his thumb's picture

Some days I do feel

Some days I do feel strong...I feel like that is the only way I can get through this! But there is no way in the world I could go through any of it without a lawyer! He is still in denial about it all! He took out my 401k without my consent last year and has ruined my credit so bad...it makes me ill thinking about it. He now says he wants to be a family and do things with the kids, which for 8 years he chose to sit on his rear and let me do it ALL. Thanks for listening :-)