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#1 Sep 13 - 1PM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

Down

I just feel so down today. Hopeless.

There is nothing I want to have or do.

I don't even want him because now I know the truth I can never go back

I won't make contact but just feel so old and sad. Scared I will be alone till I die.

He has ruined me completely

Sep 13 - 3PM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

Thanks for support I really

Thanks for support I really need it tonight. My daughter came in and said " dad says he still cares for you" Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Sep 13 - 4PM (Reply to #8)
spinning
spinning's picture

Jel! I really really

dislike this guy! It's a mindf--k and it's what they do especially when they know you're getting stronger. REJECT IT! ACTIONS NOT WORDS. I'm gonna go in Hunter mode and say: Delete Delete Delete! It's all SCRAMBLED EGGS!! Hugs to you! Stay strong! (not) spinning. BUT WISHING I COULD CLOCK YOUR N SO HARD HE'D BE REELING!!!

spinning

Sep 13 - 3PM
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

Steps to Recovery

This is so hard. I admire the Mods on here so much. They lived it and recovered and are helping all of us get through it. Heros, every one of them. I wish I could write the Ultimate 10 Steps to Recover from a Narcissist for EVERYONE guide. What a fortune that would generate. But, it's not the same for everyone. We're all different. It does seem like suffering is a requirement. That just sucks. But I haven't read anywhere that you can skip that step. That has an indefinite timeframe and isn't always forward moving. We are all suffering in different degrees. I feel for your suffering. I wish I could make it all right. It's draining to read how painful it is for everyone. Sometimes I have to step away for a while from reading, but I always come back. It's where I belong right now. Stay strong. Be good to yourself. Let yourself feel. Trust the process of NC.
Sep 13 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
Used
Used's picture

prideandshame

thankyou as a mod for your kind words...i am not over it, i have just learn to live with it....i have to see him alot, its a big day, if it doesnt affect me....the day or week or month i dont mention him...then i am over it... i became a mod, to help people, that are new here or still feeling the pain....i woudnt be able to do that if i was over it..b/c then i would have forgotton what it was like in the first place.....xxxx
Sep 13 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

Used

I just found your story. It's heartbreaking. I'm grateful you survived that evil, evil man. I'm sorry you still have pain. Thank you for helping others, us. You make a difference.
Sep 13 - 2PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Don't say that Jel! He has

Don't say that Jel! He has NOT ruined you completely! Don't give him that power! Don't give anyone that power! It takes time, it truly does. I remember when I was going through exactly what you are and many on here have. It all seems so bleak.........but it isn't! That's the beauty of it! Pick yourself up, take a nice long hot bath......put on your favorite lounging clothes and make a nice pot of coffee and relax........make today ABOUT YOU, not about your narc. You are doing great and you will have these small windows of being in a funk. It won't always be like that! Sad, I will accept, old, NEVER!!!! Never ever feel old my friend! Hang in there! This too will pass........give yourself the time needed to allow it to pass. Stay strong!
Sep 13 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

My children are out with him

My children are out with him this evening. I can't remember anything he did. I just miss him.
Sep 13 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
spinning
spinning's picture

Jel, dearheart, it's always

very hard on you when he has your kids. That sucks and I hate him! If I could I'd come over and have a glass of wine with you right now and shoot the breeze. I'd remind you that you're not alone. I'd remind you that you're not old. Bet I'm older than you and guess what, Jel, a year ago I never ever thought I'd ever, ever find any sort of relationship/friendship/companionship/ interest with a man or men and I was WRONG. And I'm 53! There is much ahead for you...you just have to get to it. Getting to it takes time and hard work. You're doing GREAT on the hard work part...it's just the time thing that you have to push your way through. You're still very very early in the NC process and plus you have to co-parent with this loser. You are strong, Jel. And kind. And funny. And attractive. And a good mom. And I am quite certain a good friend. Maybe you could call your girlfriend and chat and/or meet every time the manipulating liar has your kids. I hope this helps, dearheart. It takes time. You have what it takes to get through it. It just takes time. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. AND HEARTSICK THAT THIS DISORDERED FREAKS MAKE SO MANY OUTSTANDING PEOPLE SPIN!

spinning