Don't you find narcissistic men to be wimps?

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#1 Jan 6 - 10PM

Deidre99

Don't you find narcissistic men to be wimps?

I laughed thinking about this today. Narc #1 and #2 in my life...both wanted to be put on a pedestal. Both thought nothing of abusing women, verbally or otherwise...but they would back down and be humble around men. Both acted demure when it came to sex...and would act like women should be the aggressors, and when a woman is the aggressor...they don't like that either. These men just seem like wimps. REAL men don't behave like this. I have noticed the traits with many of the narcs being discussed here, and they all seem to lack balls. lol Sorry...not sure how else to say that. :=)

#2 Jan 8 - 7PM

Susan32

I wasn't man enough to be his woman

The ex-Psych professor married a woman who was more tomboyish than me! One of my friends would say "He's attracted to you because you look like a boy." Considering the ex-P's horror over menses, and the fact that he got her pregnant with twins, one can only wonder how well that went. The ex-P thought that Shakespeare preferred his girlfriend in male drag in "Shakespeare in Love" and one of his favorite scenes in "War and Peace" is when Nicolai is dressed as a girl, Sonya is dressed as a boy, and Nicolai is smitten. Frankly, I think the ex-P was smitten with his father. MOST Ns/Ps are mother-enmeshed. Not in this case. The ex-P would plagiarize things his father would tell HIS students (that he didn't like being a teacher, would rather write books) His favorite scene in "War and Peace" is when the "manly" Prince Andrei affectionately kisses his father, but kisses his pregnant wife's hand as if she were a stranger. The girlfriend the ex-P married was A LOT like his father. Very scientific and stoic. She had a crew cut, like the ex-P, she even dressed like him. The both of them acted more like siblings than lovers.

#3 Jan 8 - 11AM

ImStrong

Mystawoman The N had that

Mystawoman The N had that same perspective on woman with me..His mom was a girly girl with purses and dresses..and im a man..so I guess its the same conclusion as what your was saying..very Bullshit if you ask me..they make no sense and study woman to damn much

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

#4 Jan 8 - 11AM

ImStrong

Yup and that's where half of

Yup and that's where half of our co- dependency issues come in..we want to take care of these wimps and punks

#5 Jan 8 - 11AM (Reply to #18)

Used

WIMPS

i have called bothexh and exn, spineless to their faces, exn agreed, and when he made freinds [lol] with a painter?, i said tell her to paint you a spine::

#6 Jan 8 - 7AM

onwithmylife

Very Much so

they put on a great show of all bravado and calmness, centered, but it is ALL an ACT, inside they are scared, distraught, to use my therapist term ,frightened, little toddlers who never grew up personality wise, even though their bodies became MEN..............

#7 Jan 8 - 7AM (Reply to #16)

Susan32

The reverse of that Kirsten Dunst character

Remember that character Kirsten Dunst plays in "Interview with a Vampire"? Her body stays perpetually young-yet her mind and emotions mature. Mentally&emotionally, she's a grown woman, yet because she's a vampire, she's a perpetual child. It's the reverse with Ns/Ps. They have the bodies of adults, but the minds/emotions of children. The ex-Psych professor would tell me to tell my friends to NOT mock him. Really. He thought reducing a student to tears in front of her classmates&taking advantage of her emotions of love&care made him so "manly." Emotionally blackmailing/raping a vulnerable student. Bet he must be glad he leaked out all that personal info about his upbringing, his father's name, all that could be used later to mock him... I did it because I KNEW he couldn't take it... He enjoyed mocking me when I was mourning my grandfather. Of course I mockingly compared him to my baby nephew. Because his maturity level is the same. Because I know he can't stand being mocked. It's like knowingly giving a box of candies to someone severely diabetic.

#8 Jan 8 - 6AM

LinaS

My exN was definitely a

My exN was definitely a wimp. He liked to portray himself like this big adventurer, travelling all the time to exotic places. But he always stayed at the best hotels, and was terrified of anything remotely dangerous. Once, when we stayed at a cheap bed and breakfast in Tbilisi, Georgia, he complained all the time about the plumbing. And the most important thing in his life was gaining enough frequent flier miles to be able to travel in first class and get access to the airport lounge. He was terrified of violence. That´s a good thing and I really don´t think it´s manly to get in a fight. But the night he started to break up with me, and I got really angry because he chose to do it when we had just lost a baby, he begged me not to kill him. I thought he was kidding, because I´m not violent at all. But he was really terrified, and thought that I would kill him in his sleep. And of course he´s been a coward since he left me. He didn´t even have the guts to call me and ask if I needed surgery after the miscarriage. He ended his facebook friendships with all my family and friends the moment he walked out of our apartment. No, he kept one of them, because he thought of her as a possible source of future supply. But he un-friended her too when she had the audacity of questioning his actions when he was chatting her up. So yes, a wimp!

#9 Jan 7 - 7PM

gettinbetter

Mine is definitely masculine

Mine is definitely masculine but Its almost as if he goes out of his way to be that way. The Harleys, The Truck and boats, the scruffy five O'clock shadow yet there's something slightly effeminate about him. I dont know if its his voice with the very strong southern accent or just what but its something. I would day definitely say a wimp. When I said "do you think he's gonna let you come in and steal his family without a fight?" I could almost see the freak out on his face. My husband is a cop and he seemed obsessed with looking at his badge. He did it very subtly so that I wouldnt notice but I did. It was weird. I know he was scared of my husband. He would never admit but I know he was. One time when we were pushing and shoving eachother in our younger days he did something to his arm. Do you know 15 years later he brought that up? OMG! I think I had permanent bruises that were in the form of his finger prints on my arm.

#10 Jan 7 - 12PM

Susan32

Go to Joseph!

That was the motto of St. Teresa of Avila, the Carmelite reformer devoted to St. Joseph. St. Joseph was NOT a coward. When he learned that his fiancee Mary was pregnant, he didn't abandon her. When there was no room at the inn in Bethlehem, did he simply bolt? No. He found a place for his foster son Jesus to be born. Though he wasn't the biological father, Joseph still named his son and had him circumcised. He took responsibility. When Herod threatened his foster son's life, did Joseph leave Mary to fend for herself? Not at all! He took her and her son to Egypt. When Jesus was lost in the Temple, did Joseph simply abandon Mary in her search? He looked as well. Since the Christmas season is now officially over (Epiphany was yesterday), this is worth reflecting on. Joseph didn't abandon his family. He was a true protector and father. Nothing wimpy about him.

#11 Jan 7 - 8AM

helldweller

Deidre

If i had a dollar for every time I called him a p*ssy to his face and to myself . . . They sissy couldn't even scrape his own car in the winter. He would pay his brother to do it for him. Never mind scraping mine! And everyone here knows that he crosses the street to avoid me because he's afraid of me. He should be. The biggest sisy thing of all, however, is how they don't have the guts to be a man and do the right thing.

#12 Jan 8 - 6AM (Reply to #10)

Disillusionedx2

ha~ha

Silly rabbit TRIX are for kids, lol, you didn't know? They are cowards, wreak all kinds of emotional havoc, can't take it though, rage clean out of control, which will be the only thing they can do fearlessly till it's over, back to mister wimpy, I raged right back, what does he do? Jump on the phone and call my sister, and his mom saying I called him all sorts of horrible names and he doesn't understand why? Wtf? You are the WEAKEST link; he called me everything but the child of GOD! My sis knows full well I do not just out of the blue begin name calling, his mom had the nerve to call me and inquire about it, another pathetic human being, the man child is an ADULT why on earth are you calling me? I let her have it too. He talked all kinds of "smack" about someone I dated prior to him, saying when he see him he's going to do this that and the other, ha! What did he do when he seen him? Shook his hand and ask him how he's doing, lol, YES THEY ARE COWARDS, and Twot is his nickname, his own father calls him that, lol. stay~striving

stay~strong

#13 Jan 8 - 6AM (Reply to #11)

Disillusionedx2

Not calling you a rabbit

I'm referring to the N, lol. stay~striving

stay~strong

#14 Jan 7 - 8AM (Reply to #9)

Susan32

Avoiding me...

The ex-Psych professor doesn't email or write me. He's afraid of me, and I am sure I've given him reasons to be afraid, since I took full advantage of the personal info he gave about himself. I mocked him,comparing him to my baby nephew (I KNOW how much he hates ridicule&flees from it,he did it when I dealt with him in the flesh)... saying he had the same maturity level, loved his Daddy (the ex-P's father and my brother in-law have the same name)... oh, and considering how paranoid he was about me going to Massachusetts, I had to brag about going to Boston to see its lovely sights, like the MFA and ISG. The ex-P admired Leo Tolstoy for the many times he abandoned his family, sometimes packing a bag&leaving without reason (or telling anyone), he admired the fictional Prince Andrei who abandons his expectant wife to "seek glory in battle." I think when I've broken NC it's been to ridicule his cowardice&lack of maturity. I even mocked his inability to apologize, saying I wouldn't expect an apology from my baby nephew after he's spent the night screaming. The ex-P thought he was SO MANLY... and even the openly gay professor thought he was a total coward, loser who didn't respect ANYONE. The ex-P treated males badly as well.

#15 Jan 6 - 10PM

Susan32

Guess I had more balls than him...

The ex-Psych professor worshipped masculinity, so much so he couldn't stand seeing me in a dress. If I wore jeans, he was fine. His favorite philosopher, Arthur Schopenhauer, said that effeminate men and masculine women are attracted to each other... considering who the ex-P married... Schopenhauer was right. His girlfriend was more of a tomboy than me. The ex-P thought it was "macho" to mock me when I was mourning my grandfather. He thought it was "manly" to be condescending towards his female students. He thought it was "masculine" to reduce me to a crying mess in front of my classmates and his colleagues. His favorite literary character, Prince Andrei in "War and Peace",is depicted as a paragon of masculinity. Andrei abandons his pregnant wife Lisa, and smirks ironically in her presence. He had a circle of young male followers... but he lacked male friends his own age or older. I remember when I confronted the ex-P about his girlfriend, he said "You put me in an awkward position." One of my friends commented simply "What a coward." The ex-P idolized warfare, his favorite phrase "military might".... but I was expected to fight his battles. He couldn't stand being ridiculed. If someone made fun of him, he'd run away. Literally. If I tried to confront him, he'd run away, but I got him cornered. Jen79 noticed how one of his essays could be easily summed up as "war and war and war and war." In the eyes of the ancient Greeks, Ares, the god of war, was a foolish coward. "Peace is the rational end of rational man."-President John F. Kennedy

#16 Jan 7 - 11AM (Reply to #6)

mystwoman

Your comments about

Susan, your comments about worshiping masculinity are really interesting to me. Xnh did this as well. He had this whole philosophy going (in his own version of reality) about women. It was always very weird and disturbing to me. According to xnh, there were "real" women and there were "typical" women. "Typical" women were defined as the type that loved to wear dresses, makeup, and jewelry ("girl" type stuff). They are into decorating the house, going to malls, and Tupperware party type activities, etc. In short, anything even remotely "feminine" in his eyes. Xnh hated "typical" women, and he had no end to the jokes and put-downs that he used about them. I always found it very offensive. He categorized his first ex-wife as a "typical" woman. Xnh defined "real" women as basically another guy friend that just happens to be in a female body. They're the type of female that are very outdoorsy, love to camp and hike, ride motorcycles and ATV's, play with radio controlled toys, work on their own car, do all their own home repairs, and usually wear blue jeans. According to xnh, a "real" woman was pretty much another hanging-out buddy with "privileges", if xnh wanted them. I'd always been somewhat of a "tom boy" until I started having serious health problems. This apparently was much to my own detriment because it was attractive to xnh (at first). lol. I owned and trained horses for years, was very independent about doing work on my own property, and have been known to do work on my own cars on occasion. I, also, very much have my feminine side (which xnh totally hated). I love to draw, read voraciously, do crafty stuff, decorate my house, and dress up "pretty" once in a while. Xnh had me categorized as (mostly) a "real" women. Both of xnh's categories are very demeaning, in my opinion. One of the things xnh used to like throwing at me, whenever he was trying to be terribly insulting, was that I was just another "typical" woman. He, also, liked to yell at me that I was acting just like a "woman". DUH!!! What did he expect? I AM a woman. I'm damned proud of it, and I would never change it. lol. Xnh, also, may think he's a real "man" with because of these attitudes. However, what he really is, would be a mother-enmeshed, abusive, narcissistic, misogynistic pig that hates about half of the human population. Just my opinion, but now he's well on his way to being a lonely OLD one as well. rofl.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#17 Jan 7 - 12PM (Reply to #7)

Susan32

Daddy's Home

One of the ex-Psych professor's favorite scenes in "War and Peace" is when the masculine Prince Andrei, who treats his pregnant wife Lisa with annoyance&contempt, kisses his father affectionately--but then kisses his wife's hand as if she were a stranger. The ex-P was more father-enmeshed. There's the "mama's boy" tag I've seen around here, and MOST Ns/Ps, especially the heterosexual ones, are emotionally wed to their mothers. The ex-P was a "papa's boy." He was emotionally wed to his father. His father is famous, respected, a researcher with student colleagues who like him. I heard his father on NPR-and unlike the son, can carry on a normal human conversation. The ex-P wasn't just misogynistic;he was hateful towards men as well. I saw him treat his male colleagues rudely. He had a brief relationship with the only openly gay male professor... and that did NOT end well. He was condescending towards female students, played favorites with male ones. IMHO-I think he may have been more abusive towards males than females, because males typically don't expect to be emotionally abused. The gay professor who despised him had the same anger as I've seen here. He regarded the ex-P with utter disgust. I think the ex-P was a raging misanthrope.

#18 Jan 6 - 11PM (Reply to #4)

Deidre99

susan

Your ex N sounds like such a piece of work, susan. ugh...he sounds SO much like narc #1 from years ago in my life. I actually loved that guy once upon a time. He was cold and stoic like you describe here...but maybe it wasn't really stoic. More like brooding. He was paranoid. Everyone's out to get him. And he had very few male friends. He had very few friends. But two ex wives. I should have known. You are an extraordinarily smart and eloquent woman...I see it come through here. What a dunce that man was to not see it! Yes...he was a wimp. To not want you in a dress? Why? He wanted to wear one? hahahaha I'm in a silly mood. Sorry. :=)

#19 Jan 6 - 11PM (Reply to #5)

Susan32

Silly moods are HEALING ;)

Don't apologize for being silly, because the ex-P made me do it! He could NOT stand being laughed at! More paranoid than those who've claimed to see the chupacabra, Area 51, Roswell, etc. There are conspiracy theorists with a grip on reality tighter than his. I'd feel less tense around the apocalyptic Church Universal&Triumphant in Montana... because they have a good vegetarian restaurant out by Yellowstone. "What a dunce he was not to see it!"- What was weird was that during the final D&D, his colleagues were on MY side, not his. Talk about self-sabotage, on his part. Narcs want other people to look like basket cases... but when they're the basket cases... yikes... He claimed I was acting inappropriately;somehow I never ended up in the Dean's office. One of his colleagues (whom I've heard from recently), called him "different" at the time, which was probably putting it politely. His colleague who had gone to the University of Virginia with him always looked embarrassed in his presence. "To not want you in a dress? Why? He wanted to wear one?"-LOL!!!! You have resurrected that joke from at least a decade ago. My classmates said the same thing. He HATED drag queens. One of his favorite scenes in "War and Peace" is when Nicolai realizes he's smitten with Sonya because he's been dressed as a woman by the Cossacks, and the Cossacks have dressed her as a man. The ex-P had a fetish about male-acting women. His novel interpretation of "Shakespeare in Love" was that the Bard PREFERRED Gwyneth Paltrow in male attire. The ex-P had a thing about Paltrow... but considering his hatred of music... he probably missed out on her guest appearance on GLEE as Holly Holiday... "Everyone's out to get him"-I guess when I've broken NC I've reinforced that. Telling him how I've gone to Massachusetts, milking the fact that my brother in-law and his father have the SAME NAME (I'm the proud aunt of a lil' toddler, you can see where this goes) Bragging about my writing. Speaking of wimpy, I wrote my senior essay on Augustine's "Confessions." The ex-P NEVER wrote about Augustine again. So I guess I had the last word. Lucky me.

#20 Jan 6 - 10PM

Deidre99

And I almost forgot...they

And I almost forgot...they LOVE to blame women for their weaknesses. BE A MAN! Stop cowering behind women. It is just something I've noticed.

#21 Jan 6 - 11PM (Reply to #2)

Susan32

Song for an N

Here's the song "Lover Boy" by the British singer Mika: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GOgxIitYzs "Funny boy with an ugly face" "You thought it was a game, you're a fool" I remember after the final D&D I was mocking the ex-Psych professor to his face, sarcastically saying, "How manly! Not taking responsibility for your actions!" All he'd mechanically say was "You acted inappropriately" (those were the final words I heard from him in person, a decade ago) By the end, I was mocking his cowardice and irresponsibility... TO HIS FACE. But the coup de grace came with his parents. He had enjoyed living in New Mexico;it was the first time he had lived far from them (they were in New England) He D&D'd me, ended up with a pregnant girlfriend (he hated babies&children)... and his parents moved in with him to raise his kids. I assume his parents put him on a very short leash. If they're the reason he hasn't contacted me... I thank them. Besides, his father has the same name as my brother in-law;they could collaborate making a playpen for a 50 year old philosopher. They could even swap teething toys&chat about Harvard.

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