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Does anyone else struggle with this?

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#1 Feb 29 - 5PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Does anyone else struggle with this?

My XNBF did the DD on me 40 days ago. That was the last time I spoke to him. I am working through the shock, anger, rejection, depression and now inertia. I am pretty much retired and only need to work a few hours per week. He & I were together all the time so I was dependent on him for companionship. I am getting out with friends quite a bit & got a dog for company. Took a trip w/my mom recently.

I am really struggling with being lazy & completely unmotivated. I do shower & maintain the house & my financial obligations, still work out an hour a day, but that's pretty much it. I lay around reading or watching tv (which I could not do for the 1st 2 weeks) or am on the computer reading about N or P.

There is so much that needs to be taken care of at my house. Most of this I could do myself like plastering, painting, trimming etc. I have not done my taxes yet or even put my Xmas decorations away. Caffeine & alcohol do not help. Is this normal? I can't remember feeling this stifled before in my life. Anyone else have this problem?

Mar 2 - 8PM
shock and awe.some (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Update on my lethagy

Mar 1 - 8PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Yes,,I would say you need to go through this

Yes, I went through the same thing,,however couldn't exercise,,was completely shut down, ate chocolate and I never eat chocolate. My lifestyle changed dramtically, gained weight, needed to resolve what had just happened. It is very traumatizing, and understand completely how you feel you are running on minimum and "not feeling like your usual self". We have to go through this. It is a real, legitamate mourning to process the evil that temporarily brushed our lives. Strive to be as focused as you can on taking care of yourself. Seperate completely from him,,NC and yes study about the disorder, you don't want this happening again. Be strong and be happy and with time you will feel better and regain your ambitions...stick with it
Mar 1 - 7PM
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

Yes

went through the same pattern; worked, cleaned the house as much as I could, then on recovery sites and studied the disorder. Seems tv took my mind off the issues - you are not alone in this pattern; I think some of it is depression, some of it is healing and working through the experience - Slowly I try to incorporate other things into my daily routine -
Mar 1 - 12PM
shock and awe.some (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thanks to y'all for your kind

thanks to y'all for your kind words and similar experiences. I am currently on anti depressants. Funny Hunter, but I used to live by task lists and then got away from it. I will make a list today and let u know what I crossed off. This fog is affecting my RA as well and I am taking more pain pills n muscle relaxers which make me more sleepy. On a brighter note, every day I think less of him and more of my reality and remaining present. As tiny tim used to say "God bless us all" thanks again oh supportive ones.....
Mar 1 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
janemarie
janemarie's picture

But did you take your

But did you take your christmas stuff down?? hahaha Anti depressants are sometimes needed and that's ok...just remember it takes a few weeks before you notice a difference. I actually went into deeper depression and fatigue by the third week so pay attention to your body...the dr. lowered my dose and within a week the fog lifted and Im pretty normal again. Support is wonderful!!! Glad to do it!! xoxo
Mar 1 - 7AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Yes, it's called depression..

Yes, it's called depression.. Get to the Doctor .. Come on .. You reconagize this is as a problem.. Fix It.. He's a piece of shit.. Are you going to let him win or are you going to fix what he broke.. Put a task list together and get it together.. Let's start with the Christmas decoration.s.. I hope later today you can tell us you took the decorations down.. Hunter
Mar 1 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
13Moons13
13Moons13's picture

Mine are still up, too.

Mine are still up, too. Including the poor little dead Christmas tree with all the decorations on it. Just can't seem to get motivates to get anything done except the necessities, but even most of those I'm leaving to my mother whoncame to take care of my boys and me. I get to work, shower (and try to look good), be so happy so spend time with my sons, and read, read, read; last week I decided I have to make my bed every day, so I've added that. I am on an anti depressant. Trying to get to a calm, centered place in my soul...and I am getting there. Healing from the inside out...healing for good!
Mar 1 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
janemarie
janemarie's picture

The Dr. helped me..... And

The Dr. helped me..... And stay away from the alcohol...only makes things worse!! I still drag ass...but my mind is clear instead of fogging....Im not the energizer bunny but Im finally paying my bills and getting things done!!! My Dr. gave me Lexapro....I had no other choice...My world was closing in on me and taking over....Im not embarassed to say that I needed help...Im glad I got it because now IM taking over!!! Do for you!! Take care of yourself!! xoxo
Feb 29 - 5PM
needing2know
needing2know's picture

It is very normal I think, I

It is very normal I think, I think just about all of us here has gone through this and many are going through this. I fell behind on bills and house work, laundry , I could barely take care of myself let alone my kids, it was hard. i got them to school and crawled back in bed and an hour before having to pick them up I would shower then go get them after school. i didn't cook, the kids pretty much just told me what they wanted to eat. I am over 7 months out and it has gotten so much easier. my time of just laying around and detoxing lasted about 3 months, each day I would just push myself to do more, but there were days I just didn't want to move, I even prayed I would just die because I didn't want to go on, but then I thought to myself I cannot and will not let this man destroy me,it's not easy and by no means a fast prossess, just go one day at a time and let the tears and anger and ecerything else happen, ecause it makes you stronger. Keep your head up and keep pushing forward, better days are ahead, and PLEASE always stay 100% NC if you can, I know when you have kids it's hard, thank God I didn't have any with this ass! You have to learn to start doing for yourself again, now you take care of you, I know it is different not having him around to take care of and do things for, but now you have to re train your brain and start to remember you did have a life before he came into it, just gatta find yourself again.
Feb 29 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

It was normal for me. It's

It was normal for me. It's all I could do to to keep my head above water. It gets better with time, hang in there. My last child had just graduated so I felt like I went through empty nest and divorce syndrome at the same time. I buried myself in work and slept a good 9 hours a night. I felt lost. I have lots of time and knowledge under my belt now and I am on the path forward. It has been a long and hard road, but I wouldnt change any of it now. Once you get to a point, it will all feel like down hill from there. You will get discouraged but don't give up:)
Mar 1 - 5AM (Reply to #3)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Absolutely

This is what I am struggling with now. My get up and go got up and gone..some days are better than others ..yesterday and today I am feeling thoroughly miserable.. I suppose its to be expected early into the NC period.. I am trying not to be too hard on myself and just accepting the way I feel..its frustrating because it feels so out of my control. But then I take solace from the intelligent women on here, who have all been through this.. I am not better, I am the same so I shouldnt expect to be able to fast track the process. Part of it for me was reading the years some of you had been involved..mine was only six months..I was giving myself a hard time..I have since read the length of time is irrelevant. In my mind I was thinking these poor wome have been in it for years, you are months, get over yourself.. I wasnt helping myself. Part of me was also thinking..you have a husband, a family, your support system hasnt gone...and thats true, but it also means I have to cover up lies, guilt, find a smile when there isnt one there..that itself can be stressful at times. So I guess what I am saying is I have given myself permission to not be strong if I dont want to be and just to try to be 'present' and accept the emotions as being what they are.. Wonder woman left the building, its just little old me and sometimes yes I cant cope with it all.