Do the work

I don't post much here, however I am on here hours a day reading and taking everything in. There are no short cuts to recovery, I'm here to say the steps DO work and YOU have to put in an effort to recover.

11 months post D&D I find myself not thinking about XHN for hours. That is huge for me. Sometimes I'll even stop myself and say, "wow I haven't thought about the divorce, the OW, the idiot I stayed with for so long." That's progress. Our 10 year wedding anniversay was the last week in January. I dreaded that day. I did not cry, I did not wallow in self pity. I thought to myself that night, "I'd be sitting at some chain restaurant with him with him looking at me with a dead stare as if he had better things to do."

Key things that helped me: I blocked his ass from every point. NO FB, no instagram, nothing, nada, blocked texts, calls, nothing. For those of you thinking you don't need to block, you're wrong. You're setting yourself up for the potential hoover and only inflicting pain on yourself. No more. Mine has not hoovered since our divorce was final. That is because I don't know about it. I don't know if he's tried to contact me, nor do I give two shits. He's not worth another second. Your Narc isn't either. This is our time to not set ourselves up for more pain.

I'm a fitness junkie. I remember some quotes from my favorite trainer, Jillian Michaels that really helps drive the point of doing the hard work to get better. "You have to push yourself and fight through it for your body to adapt to change." "This does not come for free!" Damn right it does not come for free. This shit hurts. There are no short cuts and there are no steps to be missed. Do the work and you will learn that leaving Narcville is the best decision you ever made.

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I'm no expert, and yes maybe I am preaching, going on a rant, whatever you call it. The steps work, therapy works, NC works. No if's, and's or buts about it, do the work these fine people tell you and you'll get through the worst and onto a better YOU.