Do They Ever Make The Connection?

My ex's wife left him after nine years together. According to him (and this is one of the few things he told me that I still believe), she dropped the bombshell that she was leaving, walked out of the house, and immediately went NC. When he finally did hear from her, it was via her divorce attorney. He never did see or speak directly to her again. At the time, I thought she was a bitch. Now I understand EXACTLY why she did what she did.

About a month ago, out in public, I think he tried to hoover me. I didn't fall for it (although it was difficult, believe me!). I later discovered that he'd apparently gotten pissy about that and deleted a favorite relative of mine whom he'd friended while we were together and had KEPT as a FB friend all this time, right up until I didn't pay attention to him.

Those are two instances that I know of in which he drove the women who cared for him to completely cut off all contact with him. I would give my right arm to talk to other exes of his to find out how many others have done this, because there HAVE to be more.

Does it ever dawn on them that they bring the NC on themselves with their treatment of us? I had told my ex more than once that "when you do X, it makes me feel like X," and he ignored those conversations every single time. He told me his ex-wife had sent him an e-mail after she left detailing reasons why she wanted out (and the few reasons he shared with me, I could totally understand), and he LAUGHED about it to me.

Do they GET why we ultimately pretend they don't exist? Do they ever realize, even subconsciously, that when they treat someone badly, they're going to get that bad treatment in return? Or is it a huge mystery to them?