Do they continue to bother you?

I agree with you on this one. I think that my ex narc has possibly bad mouthed me a little, but wouldn't dare manipulate the whole story. His past history with women isn't great (tried to strangle one, the other killed herself! I know when I say it back it makes me shudder.) We have a couple of mutual friends - whomm I have kept a very dignified silence with. If he ever spouted bull shit - I could come forward with a list as long as my arm about him and his past does not stem him in good favour. xx

yes, it's best to sever the friendships if you truly feel, that the only reason they're your friend is to be a reporter for him, and visa versa. I will warn you. These people filled your life for a time. So, it can be hard to let them go. But, I honestly believe, it's necessary to heal...to let go of anyone and anything that impedes your healing. It can feel strange or lonely even, when you let go of people who became a central part of your life. But, at the end of the say--your sanity. Your peace of mind. I can't express how good it feels to CONTROL my life again. To know that those in my life, even though I let go of quite a few folks that were mutual friends of ours, have my back. I would rather have less but good quality friends, than a lot of friends, who really don't have my back. I don't need people like that in my life, anymore...gossiping about me to him, and laughing at me on FB. Let them continue... without me. :=)

prettypeeved... Yeah, it doesn't make sense, because remember...they are disordered. Nothing they do makes sense to a rational thinker. That said. I'm of the opinion, that psychopaths/narcs spend an inordinate amount of time online. Facebooking, myspacing, emailing, texting, on msg boards and chat rooms, etc...why? Because they have a captive audience. Right there, they hit everyone and anyone who will listen to how fabulous they are. They are also very lonely people. Deeeeeep down, narcs don't have true friends. I mean, people may consider themselves to be the narc's friend, but to a narc, it's only if someone can serve them in some way, if that person makes it into their 'inner circle.' They have no 'use' for a friendship. Or a romantic relationship. Every single person in his/her life, barring maybe their parents, and that's even suspect...has a 'role.' Either you're part of their fan club, or you serve them in another way--sexually, financially, stroke their egos, etc. See? There is no friendship. I read something very sobering about psychopaths a few days ago. (I find the topic fascinating in a weird way) They basically mimic others' emotions. They don't really feel elation, or happiness...they only mirror others, so as to fit in. To lure others to them. If they were to come off as soon as you meet them, as the assholes they are...no one would fall for them. Male or female. But, they blend enough charm, wit, humor....into their assholeish ways....and they develop a following. They don't have friends, only groupies, and minions. I see right through all the crap. It's a great feeling to no longer be in the fog I was once in over this guy. I also feel sorry for him, that he has such a low opinion of himself, that he NEEDS minions. lol He spends a ton of time on the internet, and I know that from belonging to that site with him. When we were dating. I remember waking up one night, couldn't sleep...and I went onto my yahoo mail. Just bored. He was on the chat...I saw his name and ''available.'' I was like...huh? It's 4 am, I have long gone to bed, and this guy is up chatting online? With whom I thought? He saw me and instantly typed to me...''what are you doing up, babe?'' I wrote back...''I should ask you the same thing.'' His reply? ''Oh, you know I stay up late, I logged in a while ago, and just left it up...I'm not chatting with anyone.'' Something along those lines. lol Riiiight. I pity the next chick who ends up with this dude.

Dont count on people taking your side or even wanting to hear your side. You would be amazed how they get support these Narcs and since they are such professional maniplators, they manage to get everyone on their side. I always keep in mind that they crave pity more than anything else. And Boy do they know how to get it. You need to know that narcs behaviour doesnt differ very much. So hes doing this for sure, they dont have to say much. They just steer people in a direction and let them believe things. He has and probably still is badmouthing you. The point is why do you care. Been there done that. Even in a court of law he would convince them its you at fault. You have to walk ( run) away thats ALL>

Mine has stopped contacting me when I called him out on the phone. I asked for the truth and didnt get the point of the "miss what we had" garbage. I then texted his gal he cheated on me with and said "please make him stop contacting me in any way" . This has worked in the past and I have NC for 2 months. Immature yes. But effective. He has always protected his new supply. I did see him yesterday though. He walked rt past me like he didn't know me--- with a look of hatred on his face! Sort of sad after 11 years huh? But he is angry that I wontbe a plaything, option, or toy anymore!!!

Mine never bothered me after the d&d (yes, there was more than one). In fact, it was more the other way around, with me trying to figure out what the hell happened. Now that I think about it, he probably never "bothered" me because he didn't have to. I was doing all the chasing down and contacting, pumping him full of that supply. He indirectly kept up with me though, looking at my facebook page daily, checking out photos, reading things people posted to me. When I had a blog, he checked that daily- sometimes multiple times a day as well. But never direct contact. He is stubborn and proud and would never let himself be vulnerable and weak like that- he left all that nonsense up to me. He had been ignoring me again recently, I got sick of it and removed him from my Facebook yesterday, and THAT'S when he started texting me saying he wants to be friends, can we talk about it, yadda yadda. For some reason he likes being able to see what I am up to, but will NOT get in actual touch when we are on the outs.

I've often wondered while reading others stories on here, why some just go silent...never to hear from them again. Others take an 'indirect' approach, like mine did. Badmouthing me on FB, to others, baiting me on a website we belong to...I'd text him at first to extend olive branches, only to have him smash me down with insults. He just talked about recently on FB, a blend of an insult mixed with a compliment. lol You wrote something interesting, that is key to note. I used to want to share my side of the story with others. Our mutual ''friends.'' I no longer care nor feel the need. If they want to believe his bunk, so be it. His latest story was...''Oh, I just wanted to fuck her, that's all I wanted from her...when I was done, we were done.'' haha Ok. Whatever. At the end of the day-WE ALL KNOW THE TRUTH. No one can take that away from us...not him, not anyone. And I'm good with that. I am finally to a place...and I think it largely has to do with completely going NC...and abandoning the final gap that was open between us (that website) that I finally lost interest in caring about what he was saying about me, and I've also lost interest in the mutual ''friends'' we shared. They aren't friends. They only latched on to me, to hear gossip. To see drama between us. Probably devestated that I don't have FB so they couldn't see FB drama between us. lol I have a whole new outlook. I still hurt a little from it all, and maybe that's not such a bad thing, because it keeps me humble. It keeps me in check. I know dating him was wrong, and if I hurt...it'll keep me from making the same mistake. But, I think that for some...they do 'linger' and others, they just disappear...never to be seen or heard of again. Not sure which one is worse, to be honest. lol

My exN dumped me then came back and 2 weeks later I dumped him and then he attempted to call my friends and tell them lies but they ignored him. He then attempted to spread bullshit all FB but again people ignored him and in the end he shut up when he realised I had enough on him that could cost him his home, horse and job. Not a peep since that epiphany. It's been 4 months but I would bet money that he will try and contact me in the future.

My ex-Narc is in the D&D phase. He has really made me feel like crap and I don't know how to get out of this hole. I am having so much trouble. trying to prove myself that I'm not the way he makes me out to be that I ended up looking really crazy. I am SO emabarrassed!!! I feel like the pesty little stalker other woman when I'm not. It's the most miserable thing. He knows how to push my buttons, he'll push them, I'll call back to defend myself and he puts me on speaker phone to let people hear me yell and screal after he's upset me. What kind of loser would want to go through the trouble of making me seems like a crazy person just to make themselves look better? What makes it even worse is I have to be around his family and friends because of our daughter. They make it seem like I am crazy. It's like they don't know how to act around me.

I wouldn't put anything past them. Personally I have known all his co workers as long as I have known him. At this moment I'm not sure that he is completely aware of the fact that I know exactly what he is now so I don't think he has started a smear campaign against me. I do know that I heard numerous tales of how everyone in his past screwed him over when all he did was be kind to them (gag). If you can stomach not revealing any negativity towards them to anyone that associates with them you might be spared. My question is that if you appear unaffected and happy around them won't they still feel the need to mess with you some more? I'm afraid ultimately there is no closure for them until they see you in pain. I do believe that the people that know both of you well and are educated will see through their attempts to slander and make you look like the crazy one as long as you keep your mouth shut and remain calm (Sometimes VERY difficult). Good Luck, ;D Ruby

Mine continues to try to bother me. I think whether they do or not has to do with whether they have found new supply or not. Mine had but she got away (or he realized she makes him look bad). Either way, she's gone. While she was present he left me alone except to blantantly lie all over facebook that I cheated on him with OW's ex-boyfriend for the last four years. I ran into him at a mutual friend's event the other night. Completely ignored him. Not even a civil hello this time. Not rude just acted like he wasn't even there. Text messages, e-mails and phone calls for the next 24 hours.

Nothing so far on the radar. CharlieSheenWinning is still too wrapped up in NewWinningWife to bother with me. But. . . I can't say he won't in the future. It might only be a matter of time. And one of them has to sober up long enough to pull the plug on the relationship. That's my experience. . . so far. It's only been 3 1/2 months. I think it can be hard to predict what the narc will do because even though they are kind of all the same in their motivations and behaviors, they're also very disordered. Which means it can be almost impossible for a normal person to understand them. To try to make sense of their past, present, and future behavior is impossible. Whatever he does, keep your cool and act like it's water off a duck's back. That, more than anything, drives *them* crazy!