Do Narcissists repeat behaviour?

16 posts / 0 new

#1 Mar 26 - 1PM

carol24

Do Narcissists repeat behaviour?

Is it true that Narcissists repeat the same behaviour in every romantic relationship that they have? I was with mine for just over a year. The first 6 months were heaven. The last 9 months were hell. Then he dumped me and left me completely devestated. I have since found out that he has a new girlfriend. Should I tell her what he did to me? It really upsets me to think of him going around doing this to women all over the place. Surely he should be stopped?

#2 Mar 27 - 8AM

Scoop

In an uncertain world there

In an uncertain world there is a three certains , death , taxes and narc repeting the same behaviour . It is a given , the narc can not change his behaviour . Which makes tricky if you want to tell the other woman the truth about him , like you she is having wonerful experence with him , she is in heaven right now as you where , when in the middle of that heaven feeling would you have believed any woman who tryed to tell you about the narc , if you are going to say somethiing leave it for a few months as that will give the narcs time mask to slip xx

#3 Mar 26 - 2PM

Steph

Does a bear shit in the

Does a bear shit in the woods? yup. same answer. narcs repeat the same behaviour with every relationship because that is who they are. Whatever way he mistreated you, he will do the same to the next. Nothing you did made him a bad guy. He was that way before you and with you and after you.

#4 Mar 26 - 2PM

Bitter-sweet

Hi Carol 24. I'm sorry you

Hi Carol 24. I'm sorry you have been devastated. I think many of us feel very similar emotions. I think in the 'honeymoon phase' Ns tend to repeat the behaviours which they have found worked. In my case (both times - when I was 20 and then on his return, when I was 46) this amounted to flattery and promises. The only difference the second time round was that the flattery was much smoother and the promises much more convincing (and so... more heartbreaking when the end happened). As regards telling the new GF, this is a very kind impulse and one stemming from your own bitter experience but I doubt she would listen to you or believe you. I had trusted friends telling me to be careful but I was sure the N was genuine. they are so good at what they do in the initial stages. I was incapable of listening and only thought people were jealous of my happiness. Going NC is to protect you. If you warn the new GF, you are still getting involved and you are likely to get more hurt as the N and GF may unite against you. It's just a viewpoint but you need to look after yourself now.

#5 Mar 26 - 2PM (Reply to #11)

carol24

Thanks Bitter-sweet, I think

Thanks Bitter-sweet, I think your advice sounds very wise. Thinking back, some of my friends tried to tell me to be careful of my N as his previous girlfriend had told them that he treated her badly. But he convinced me that she was nasty and jelous of his new-found happiness with me and therefore trying to ruin it. He also used flattery, making out that no other girlfriend had appreciated him the way I did and making me feel like I was the "special" one who could succeed in making him happy where others had failed. He would no doubt use the same lines on her if I try to tell her. I will stick to no-contact.

#6 Mar 27 - 9AM (Reply to #13)

Hope

Making him happy???

Dear Carol and ladies: This is a very important comment Carol made, "making me feel like I was the "special" one who could succeed in making him happy where others had failed." I picked up on this right away, first a normal functional male, wants to make the women happy, that's how male/female attraction is functionally supposed to go, also note in this comment the manipulative tactic the N uses naturally Carol would fall for this as she will view herself as unique where others failed. The techniques very cleaver, so scary that there are so many of these guys out there. I've seen some books recommended on this site, again read "Why men love Bitches" explains how you should be self assured, etc. A good read. Best of luck in your recovery Carol it should not be too bad as you were not in the relationship too long. xoxo Hope.

#7 Mar 26 - 2PM (Reply to #12)

Bitter-sweet

For carol24

NC really is the best way forward. I know it may seem difficult but you are already on your way to healing since you have clearly seen through the patterns he uses. Concentrate on yourself now. NC is hard at first but it gets easier every day that you lift yourself out of the drama.

#8 Mar 26 - 1PM

onwithmylife

carol 24

Here is an example of repeated behavior EXNARC 5 failed relationships, 3 of them marriages, I was one of the longterm ones, asked him who is the common denominator of YOUR 5 failed relationships and he went crazy and called me every name in the book, slut, whore, being unfaithful when we were together, NOT, advertising for free sex on in the internet, shows you how LITTLE he really knew ME.OVER AND OVER, he dumped me 2 years ago when i was catching onto him and questioning his poor treatment of me, NOW he is an old guy, lives by himself and hangs out with the other old geezers at the senior center, good riddance!!!

#9 Mar 26 - 2PM (Reply to #8)

carol24

Should I tell his new

Should I tell his new girlfriend?

#10 Mar 26 - 3PM (Reply to #9)

onwithmylife

carol 24

I would not tell his new girlfriend, since she probably would not listen to you anyway. I did not listen to his 3rd wife when she told me all about him. most people have to find out in their OWN way.Get on with YOUR life, screw him!

#11 Mar 26 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

My xhN---2 failed marriages,

My xhN---2 failed marriages, 2 failed businesses (a third one struggling), two bankruptcies....

#12 Mar 27 - 3AM (Reply to #5)

ifinallygotit

track record

My ex N abandoned every single girlfriend, including those who had his children, none of them will speak to him except one who had his child but went on to have a healthy marriage with someone else - they were able to co-parent after she was happily married (no threat), one bankruptcy (after making more money than anyone I know!!!) and I was warned by two people (a man who liked me - i thought he was bad talking the competition and a woman he dumped and never spoke to again after he did something bad - I thought she was a crazy alcoholic bar lady, well maybe she was, but still she went through all this stuff we are going through! She was nasty though and tried to make me feel bad...). I am the only long term relationship he ever had - he also had a secret life the whole time.. His new girlfriend appears to idolize him and looks like a hooker (sorry if that sounds mean as she could be very sweet...). I have the same doubts as everyone else though - like maybe he just finally met someone he really likes more than me or maybe he was ashamed that I was the same age as him... But deep down, I know how much he depises intimacy with a woman. He will most likely have little respect for the new hooker lady once he tires of showing off her sexuality...

#13 Mar 27 - 5AM (Reply to #6)

onwithmylife

ifinallygotit

they ALL have such twisted sexual views/images of women in general , I think because of over enmesehment with their mothers ans smothering, doting on the part of the mother or if the the mother abandonment the baby or toddler.either extreme leaves its lifelong mark on how they view women.

#14 Mar 28 - 12AM (Reply to #7)

ifinallygotit

yeah - momma's boy

he was doted on heavily and proud of it - still lived in mommy's house though she is dead. talked about women as if we are aliens - thinks we are all alike....and by the way he dated women of all races - no discrimination - he thinks we are all weird and talk too much. Still don't get the hooker looking girlfriend after me! His mommy would not approve of that! Did I represent mommy and good girls and now he is free of his relatives here and a "normal" relationship with me and is now doing the wild thing as he pleases?

#15 Mar 26 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

carol24

Should I tell his new

Should I tell his new girlfriend?

#16 Mar 26 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

SoOverItNext

No!!

My narc's ex tried to tell me and I didn't believe her. It was just more amo for him when he went off and told people how crazy she was...

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