Do the Math

It has been many months since the night I put the screws in Mr. NarcoPath- forcing him to get real. That nanosecond was the miracle I had been praying for- God allowed a hair-line crack in his otherwise perfect mask and then I saw his depraved soul. Funny how the clarity can come.

And the clarity keeps coming. Through learning more about personality disorders since Robo-Boy, God has recently healed many of the old wounds from childhood and also from previous Narc relationships.

However, I can't help but feel a little paranoid because, everywhere I turn, there seems to be a Narc. A neighbor. A co-worker. My sisters' narcissistic tendencies now stick out like a throbbing toothache (how did I not see their EXTREMELY selfish, exploitative behavior before?) Hell, I was even seeing Narcs in Shakespeare's sonnets and on neighborhood playgrounds.

Then it HIT ME. If the experts are correct (and there's so many that agree on the stats) ONE in TEN people have NPD and ONE in TWENTY-FIVE are psychopathic. That is absolutely frightening.

Before we do the math, though, I want to tell you why I'm sharing this. I tend to discount my feelings, talk myself out of my perceptions and ignore that soft inner voice that whispers, "Danger ahead".

Part of that discounting of my instincts is a cynical mind that criticizes myself for judging others too quickly or self-chides for being so 'dark' and 'mistrusting'.

Post NarcoPath, though, the game has changed. Now it's all about self-care, self-protection and learning healthy boundaries.

So, are you ready to do the math? Good. We're going to take those statistics and apply them to everyday life. Consider these scenarios:

1) You work in company of 100 people. You can safely assume that you are rubbing elbows with about TEN coworkers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and, even scarier, probably FOUR Psychopaths.

2) You're sitting in a night club with your friends- finally feeling ready to dance (and maybe even date) after much time has passed post-Narc. There's maybe 49 or 50 men milling about. Just accept that seven of these possible dance partners are personality disordered: 5 with NPD and 2 with Anti-social PD (Psychopathy). And that's not even taking into account the other possible personality disorders!

3) Now picture yourself in a more spiritual setting. A Twelve-Step meeting, a Bible study, a Yoga class-whatever- with 24 other participants. You're sharing the space with 2 or 3 Narcs and a Psychopath.

I want us all to understand that the PDI's are all around us in our everyday life. Our Narcs, sadly, are NOT rare birds! (They only THINK they are!) And we are not being paranoid when we move cautiously in all new relationships.

If someone in our life feels 'off' that doesn't mean that we need to necessarily slap a diagnosis on them or write them off. Just stay vigilant and pay attention to other warning signs that this person may want to exploit you.

Here's a good place to reiterate the 'Rule of Threes' as Martha Stout put forth in her book, "The Sociopath Next Door". She writes:

"When considering a new relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibilities he or she has. Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy (one lie, one broken promise or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding) instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But three lies says you're dealing with a liar and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior. CUT YOUR LOSSES AND GET OUT AS SOON AS YOU CAN!" (Emphasis mine)

Going forward I will (try better to) refrain from projecting all my good qualities and kind intentions on another!