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do i text him or not?

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#1 Aug 21 - 4PM
Playedwithfire
Playedwithfire's picture

do i text him or not?

It`s been a week since I went to NC. But he just texted me a non life threatening question about our daughter, it can wait until tomorrow to answer him when he drops her off, but I was hoping to not see or talk to him at drop off. Should I text him back?

When you go NC do let your ex know you have made that choice or do you just stay with NC until he gets the hint?

Playedwithfire

Aug 22 - 10AM
Playedwithfire
Playedwithfire's picture

the hand over

is today and I dread that he is going to req`t to see me. He did that last time and I stayed in the house and simply asked my daughter to get the item he wanted to give me personally. I`m just not ready to see him right now, I`m not feeling strong today. Playedwithfire

Playedwithfire

Aug 22 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
M
M's picture

stay inside

he can always mail the item.... or place it by your front door when you are not home.
Aug 22 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
Playedwithfire
Playedwithfire's picture

staying inside

I was thinking of taking a bath at hand over so I would be unavailable if he asks to see me. Playedwithfire

Playedwithfire

Aug 21 - 10PM
M
M's picture

The beauty of email is you

The beauty of email is you can write it...save it...review it..send when you are ready. It allows you to remove the "buttons" you have that he is trying to push. It also creates a legal "paper trail" if you need to prove he is harassing you. My sister & my dad understand that my x is an N. In the beginning I would send them the email from him, and ask for advice on how to respond. Just like you did on this forum. We are all here for you. (Thx Betty for the nice compliment. This site has helped me so much!)
Aug 21 - 7PM
AnotherPath
AnotherPath's picture

It it's not an emergency

It it's not an emergency don't respond. Don't text him, he just wants you to acknowledge him so he feels important and keeps you in a state of anxiety. Just because you have a child together does not mean you have to reply. You have your own life now and it doesn't involve him. Best thing is don't reply and he will keep texting you non emergency stuff all the time in any case. I have children with IT and he does this all the time to get a response from me, which I don't, nearly 3 years down the line, it's so your life is affected by him it has nothing to do with your daughter. By the way this advice was the advice given to me by my woman's safety officer in probabtion and the police. Ignore all the time, it's his game and he'd doing it to get a response. You are under no obligation to contact him and do not talk to him during hand over. He will try keeping you in this game using your daughter as an excuse.

Ending the dance

Aug 21 - 7PM
M
M's picture

I'd reply...

through email. Let him know this is the preferred communication vehicle in regards to your daughter. Keep your response, factual, businesslike, emotionless. Stay NC.
Aug 21 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Thank you M. This is exactly

Thank you M. This is exactly how to approach this. Let him know that this is the new way of communication and that it will be only for emergency's or things of vital importance. Please read the post on co parenting through email dear. Lots of good info. An M is a great resource to talk to. She has it down to a science....xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 21 - 5PM
Rinalda
Rinalda's picture

In my humble opinion

Can you text him tomorrow? That way you don't respond immediately and thus appear to be readily "in contact." Delay it, make him wait, but answer bc it is about your daughter. What's more, this way you can still avoid him when he comes by, bc you've answered him and there is no need for further conversation. In your reply, be very brief and say only what is necessary. That is what I would do. If you are strong enough to tell him you do not want any contact, then that confidence and certainty in you might help push him back for a while. (He will probably find a way to get to you sooner or later, though.) Or, you could just let it happen through your withdrawal. It will be obvious before long. Either way, do it--for yourself, for freedom.